Page 15 of Single Girl Rules #BFF

“I’ll explain more later. First change.”

Ash sighed and looked down at the outfit. “This dress looks more like a shirt.”

“Thank you.”

She shook her head, but instead of protesting anymore, she changed. And she looked almost as good blonde as she did with red hair.

“Is my butt hanging out?” Ash asked.

“Only a little.”

She looked down her back. “How will this get rid of your bodyguards exactly? Is my ass really gross enough to scare them off?”

“Girl, no. Your ass is beautiful. Here, come closer. It’s makeover time.”

She stuck her tongue out at me.

But I ignored it. I even applied a perfect layer of lipstick around that tongue. I was pretty talented, thank you very much. After all, I’d been doing my own hair and makeup ever since I was five. Except for special occasions of course. I wasn’t a barbarian.

When I was finished with the mascara I stepped back. “You look amazing.” My work here was done. “Now get going.” I gestured to the door.

“Um…aren’t we going to the party together?”

I put my hands on her shoulders and prepared myself for her fury. “No.”

“What the hell, Chastity! You promised you wouldn’t ditch me and now you’re ditching me before we even go!”

“Technically you’re ditching me. But just trust me.”

“I don’t even know where the party is.”

“Oh, right. Get this. The dean is hellbent on shutting this party down. So Jock #1’s frat set up this whole scavenger hunt that they’re going to lead him on all over campus. And the whole time the party is going to be happening at the dean’s mansion.”

“I’m out.” Ash started pulling her dress over her head.

“Whoa, hold on.” I put my hand on her arm to stop her from taking her dress off and ruining her hair. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m not going to go to a rager at the dean’s mansion. We’re all going to get arrested and end up in prison. And I’m not built for that. I don’t even know how to carve a shank, much less how to keister it.”

“Well maybe if you’d try anal with me then you’d be better prepared for such things. Anyway, here’s the plan.” I leaned in and whispered. “Teddybear said I’m not allowed to go to the party. So you’re going to run out of the room dressed like me and make a mad dash for the exit. While those dumb-dumbs chase you, I’ll sneak out.”

“So I’m just your decoy?” asked Ash. “You don’t actually want me at the party?” She sounded so sad.

“What? Of course I want you at the party. As soon as the guards realize that they’ve been duped they’ll leave you alone and try to hunt me down. Which will give you the perfect opportunity to come to the party too. It’s the perfect plan.”

“Are you sure we shouldn’t just stay in and watch The Office? I feel like that’s so much better than going to prison.” She looked longingly at the TV.

“Prison? I don’t think so. Single Girl Rule #29: Single girls don’t get speeding tickets.” I knew it didn’t quite apply in this situation, but damn I loved quoting these rules.

“Having an illegal party at the dean’s house is a little more serious than a speeding ticket. We could get booked for a million different things. Underage drinking. Breaking and entering. Conspiracy to rape private property. Treason!” She got more frantic with every word.

“So first of all those aren’t even all real crimes. And second of all…I’m kind of hoping we do get arrested tonight. Have you seen how hot the campus police officers are? I’ll tell you what - if we get arrested, you can have first dibs on which officer you want to fuck.”

“No way. Nope. Uh uh.” Ash shook her head.

“Suit yourself. If you want me to have all the fun, I’m not going to complain. Anyway, let’s get back to the plan. I feel like they’re going to catch you pretty quickly, so maybe flirt with them a bit to buy me some extra time. Bonus points if you slap their butts and make fun of their little dicks. I’ll see you in a half-hour at the dean’s house.”

“I’m not going to talk about their penises.”

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