Page 5 of Single Girl Rules #BananaParty

“Really?”

“Yup!” Well, maybe. I still had to figure out if Ash was down to bang Ghost or Teddybear. Or both. I suspected she was still jealous of what she saw at the party last Friday, even if she wouldn’t admit it. The whole ‘I fell asleep’ thing was a total lie. She was probably just too embarrassed to say she got off to it in the closet. Kinky bitch. “It’s going to be epic. No. Beyond epic!”

“And what exactly will we be doing?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“Uggh” groaned Ash. “You know I hate surprises. At least give me a hint.”

“Okay. Let me think.” I tapped my finger against my lips. I needed something that was spa-related. But also sex-related. Aha! “Cucumbers.”

“No!” screamed Ash.

“What?”

“I’m afraid of cucumbers.”

“How could you be afraid of cucumbers? They’re like…the second-best penis-shaped fruit. Bananas are the best, obvs.” And then it hit me. “WAIT!”

Ash jumped and a few passersby looked at us funny. “Wait what?”

“I just figured out what we’re doing for girls’ night.”

“So no cucumbers?”

“No. We’re not gonna have some lame spa night orgy for our very first girls’ night. No, no, no. God, how did I not think of this sooner? The promise-posal. The banana pancakes. Like half of the Single Girl Rules. They’ve all been pointing to the same thing!”

“I have no idea what any of those things have in common.”

“Oh sweet, simple Ash. We’re having a bachelorette party!”

“So Chad did actually propose? I’m beginning to think he shared some of that cocaine with you.”

“That was a practice proposal. So now we get to have a practice bachelorette party.” This was going to be so much freaking fun.

“And do you expect me to plan it?”

“My actual bachelorette party? Absolutely. And it better be amazeballs. Single Girl Rule #39: Being a maid of honor is the most sacred duty in a woman’s life. But this is just a practice one, so I’ll plan it. It’ll be good practice for both of us.”

“How are you going to plan a bachelorette party in like…12 hours?”

“One word: Banana Party.”

“That’s two words. And also…that doesn’t sound nearly as bad as I thought it would. Because you’re right - bananas are definitely the best penis-shaped fruit. Possibly the best fruit period. They’re full of potassium and just all-around good for you.”

Yeah they are. “Right?! Ahhh! This is going to be the best night ever!”

Chapter 2 - So Many Bananas

Friday, Sept 13, 2013

It had taken all day, but I’d pulled it off. Everything was set for my bachelorette party. I know, I know. Half a day feels like not enough time to plan an entire party. But in this case, it was easy. Because just like every other girl in America, I’d been planning my bachelorette party since the moment I saw my first Tommy Hilfiger men’s underwear ad.

I scanned my list one more time to make sure I hadn’t forgotten anything important.

Bridesmaids? Check.

Strippers? Check.

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