Page 8 of Single Girl Rules #BananaParty

“For bananas being your favorite fruit, you sure don’t know much about them.” Ash turned to her computer and a horrible song started blaring. About bananaphones. I was pretty sure it was for kids. Or…pediatrists.

I shook my head because I had no idea what the fuck was happening. Had Ash and Slavanka really never heard of a legit Banana Party before? I wasn’t sure why I was even asking myself that question. Because the answer was very clearly no.

“Oh, I almost forgot!” Ash said. “I got you a pair of pajamas so that all three of us could match!” She tossed me a pair of pajamas that unfortunately were identical to the ones she and Slavanka were wearing.

I dodged them and my elbow squished into a loaf of banana bread. Ew. “Ash…this is all great…” No. No it was not. It was horrifying. I stood up and somehow got tangled up in one of the banana streamers. “Where did you even find all this stuff?”

“At the Five and Dime on Main Street.”

Was that a poor person store? I’d heard of a dime before but only when referring to a total dime of a man. I tried to remember my schooling as a youth. Dime, dime, dime. Wait! Did that mean 10 cents? Was all this stuff less than a dollar?

“And before you say anything, it was all heavily discounted,” Ash said. “I know you love paying for stuff, but I wanted to surprise you with this. Can you even believe it? They were practically giving it away. It was my lucky day.”

Yes. I could definitely believe it. “Wow.”

“There’s also frozen chocolate bananas in the mini-fridge. But we should eat them soon because the freezer portion of that fridge is not so great.”

I was not going to eat warm bananas tonight. Unless she was using bananas as a sexy euphemism. And I was pretty sure she wasn’t. But…Ash looked so freaking happy. I watched her as she pulled a banana pillow into her arms and squeezed it.

I exhaled slowly. If this was what she wanted to do… I pulled on the flannel pajama top over my clothes. Just the top. I wouldn’t be caught dead in that horrible matching set.

Ash was beaming.

It wasn’t the girls’ night I’d imagined, but I was still with my girls. Maybe we could play grab-a-nana and get so wasted that the Bananaphone song might actually start to sound good. Wait…where is the booze?

“Strippers,” said Slavanka.

Finally, someone was speaking my language. “Yes! We need strippers!” I loved Slavanka. She was such a kinky bitch.

Ash shook her head. “No. No strippers.”

“No,” Slavanka said. “Strippers.”

“Yes,” Ash agreed. “No strippers.”

“No.” Long pause. “Strippers,” Slavanka said again and nodded. The word no and the nod were sending very different messages. And the pause in the middle was starting to pique my interest. Was she saying: “No, there will definitely be strippers?”

“So…yes?” I asked. “Yes to the strippers?”

“I don’t know what’s happening right now,” Ash said. “Slavanka just said no. Come on, guys. Let’s have some banana bread. And then maybe we can watch Ace Ventura. He has a pet monkey, I think. I bet there’s at least one banana in that movie.” She picked up the remote.

There was a knock on the door.

“Yes,” Slavanka said. “I get door.” She opened the door. “Yes. Strippers now.”

There were too fully nude men standing in the doorway.

Slavanka, you really are a kinky bitch! She didn’t even care about the stripping part. She’d just hired two nudists to come to our room. I was in love with that.

Ash screamed at the top of her lungs.

“Strippers,” Slavanka said. “Bananas.” She pointed to their erect penises.

Now those were my kind of bananas!

Before we could stop Ash, she ran toward the door.

Wow, she’s really into this. I wondered which one she was going to attack. The guy on the left had better abs. But the one on the right looked like he had an inch on the other guy. Penis length. Not height. He was actually quite a bit shorter.

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