Page 73 of Missing Pieces (Men of Manhattan 3)

For some reason, I lost my voice. The woman in front of me made me feel small, cast aside, forgotten. She may have forgotten about me, but I had never forgotten her. How could I? I tried to speak, but no words came out.

"Can I help you?" she said impatiently. Hearing her voice brought back even more painful memories.

I swallowed hard.

"There's no solicitors in this neighborhood. Sorry." She slammed the door in my face.

Did she really not even recognize me? I bit my lip. I'd never forget her face. It looked too much like mine. I knocked on the door again.

Elena opened it. Her mouth was in a set, thin line. "Look, I said we don't have solicitors. Do you not speak English? I won't warn you again." She went to close the door, but I put my hand out to stop it.

"Elena, it's me."

She drew her eyebrows together as she regarded me and my outfit. I had never felt so instantly judged in my life.

"Hailey." I clenched my jaw. "Your daughter."

Her eyes grew big. She stepped outside and closed the door behind her. "What are you doing here?" she asked in a hushed voice.

No hello. No, how are you? No, look how big you've grown. I hadn't seen my mother in 15 years. And now she was staring at me like an intruder. An intruder she wished would disappear. And I couldn't help myself. I wanted answers. I wanted to know why she left. Because I had been wondering why my whole life. Why was I not good enough? Why was this new family so much better?

"I wrote you letters every day for weeks." I kept my voice even. "And then every month for years. I was just a kid. How could..."

"A kid that I never asked for," she snapped.

And there it was. The reason why my dad didn't want me to see her. Because she had said all this to me before. That I was unwanted. That I was a mistake. That she hated me and my father for ruining her life. I blinked away my tears. Stop feeling. I had watched her pack her bags on a summer day like this 15 years ago. And I had begged her not to leave. I had begged my mother to not abandon me. And she had told me she didn't love me. She had told me she never wanted me. She had told me I meant nothing to her.

But that wasn't why I was here. The past needed to stay in the past or else it might break me again. "I'm sorry, I'm not here to talk about what happened."

"Good. Because I'm in the middle of something and I really don't have time for this." She turned around and reached for the front door handle.

"Dad's dying. He has lung cancer."

"Well he has no one to blame but himself. Maybe he shouldn't have started smoking."

"He didn't. But you did." He's dying because of you. "That's one of the only things I remember about you actually. You sitting on the back porch with a cigarette in your hand."

She smiled. "Is that what this is about? You think your poor father is dying because I smoked a few cigarettes around him? Grow up, Hailey. Lung cancer is caused by things besides cigarette smoke. Jeff isn't my problem anymore. I think I've made that very clear."

"By returning every letter a seven year old wrote to you? Yeah, I got that, Elena. And I'm not asking you to help Jeff. I'm asking you to help me. Because he's the only family I have. Because you abandoned me. I'm asking for your help because I'm about to lose my whole world."

"Then you should have surrounded yourself with better people. I made a decision that made my life better. And look at me now. So don't blame me for knowing I could do better."

Better than me? Stop feeling. "I'm not. I'm just asking for your help. He needs experimental treatments. I need to borrow some money. I'll pay you back every cent with interest. I'm not asking for a handout. I'm asking for a loan. Please." I hated how desperate I sounded. I hated how small she made me feel.

She eyed me coolly. "How much money do you need?"

The amount terrified me. Because Elena hadn't given me anything in years. And now I was asking for so much. "Treatments cost anywhere from 20 to 70 thousand dollars."

She laughed. "Get off my property."

Her words made my whole body feel cold. "I'll pay you back. Please, Elena. I've never asked you for anything."

She laughed. "Never asked me for anything? When you were born you ruined my life. Don't be ungrateful for my sacrifices. And as far as I'm concerned, you have no right to ask me for anything else."

"Of course I do. You're my mom."

Elena frowned. "I'm not your mother anymore, Hailey."

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