I glanced once more at the large house and pulled off the curb. There were a million questions I wanted to ask her. But first I needed to get her as far away from this place as possible.
It was hard to focus on the road. Her eyes were squeezed shut and tears were still streaming down her cheeks. Her hands were balled into fists.
"Hails," I said as gently as possible.
She shook her head.
Talk to me. Let me in. I drove on in silence. I wanted to say something that would make her feel better, but I didn't know what to say.
"We're almost there," I said. Really, that's what I came up with?
Hailey didn't say anything.
There were so many things I wanted to say, so many things that would have been better. I couldn't leave because I'm in love with you. It physically hurts me to see you cry because I care so much about you. I want to be with you. I want you to wait for me. I'm scared that you'll hurt me like Penny did.
But maybe Hailey had pegged me right at the very beginning. Maybe I was a coward. Because instead of saying anything, I pulled into a parking lot alongside of Venice Beach. Tell her.
I didn't get a chance to find the courage though. She opened up the door and starting sprinting toward the sand before I had even cut the engine.
"Hailey!" I yelled as I chased after her.
Chapter 41
Hailey
Thursday
There was no room in my mother's heart for me. There was no room in Tyler's heart for me. In four months I'd be alone. It was my worst fear coming true. My dad would be dead. And it was my fault. Because I couldn't save him. I couldn't fix it. It felt like I was drowning.
I dropped to my knees in the sand and wrapped my arms around myself. I couldn't breathe. My lungs ached as I gasped for air.
Tyler's arms wrapping around me felt like an anchor. Suddenly I felt like I could breathe again. Suddenly I didn't feel so alone. The smel
l of freshly cut grass was all I could smell. It was the most comforting scent in the world.
He pulled my face onto his shoulder and let me cry. And maybe it was weak, but I clung to him. Because he was the only thing in the world that seemed to know how to calm me. He was the light to my darkness. He was the missing piece to my puzzle. He was it. And it made me cry even harder because I wasn't his missing piece. And I never would be.
"Tell me who those people were so I know who to beat up," Tyler said.
I laughed. It came out as more of a choking noise. I swallowed hard and pulled away from him, but not enough so that our bodies weren't pressed together. Because I needed to know he was beside me. Even if just for a few more moments.
"Tyler..." my voice cracked as I put my face in my hands.
"It's okay, you can tell me. Talk to me, Hailey."
I looked up. He looked so concerned. And I needed to talk to someone about this before the pain swallowed me whole.
Tyler leaned forward and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. The gesture was so comforting.
"I know that when you asked about my mom, I said I didn't have one anymore. I made it seem like she was dead. Because...well, I don't know. It's easier that way when people ask, I guess. But, she's alive." And better off without me, I guess. "She left my dad and me when I was a kid. And I still remember it like it was yesterday, you know? All the things she said." I looked down at my lap. "That I was a mistake. That I ruined her life. That it was my fault that she was unhappy. That she never loved me."
Tyler slipped his hand into mine. "How old were you?"
"Seven."
"Jesus." He squeezed my hand. "Please tell me you didn't believe her? Hailey, you're remarkable. You're everything good this world has to offer. You're perfect."
Perfect? I laughed. "Of course I believed her. I was seven. And I've felt abandoned my whole life. I've always felt like I wasn't good enough." It was hard to look at him, so I looked past him at the ocean instead. It really was beautiful. So why was I focused on this pain instead of its beauty? Why were some things so all consuming? "I used to write her letters every day, begging her to come home, asking her what I could do for her to love me again. She never wrote me back. Hundreds of unanswered letters. Eventually my dad told me that she had gotten remarried to some hotshot lawyer and that she had asked for me to stop trying to contact her. She started a new family. She replaced us so easily. And I don't know why I can't move on like she did. I don't know why it hurts so damn much."