Page 88 of Missing Pieces (Men of Manhattan 3)

"Training lasts for four months. It doesn't seem like it's going to be that bad for you. You're already in great shape." She ran her fingers along the lines of my six pack.

"Four months. That doesn't seem like that long." I instantly regretted what I said. Four months was exactly how long the doctors had given her dad to live. Shit.

"I know," she said softly.

Before I could think of something to fix what I had said, she continued talking.

"You get ten days leave after that. Before you have to report to your first assignment."

I could feel my heart start to race. I didn't want to think about where I'd have to go. I just wanted to focus on the ten days I'd get with Hails. But it might not be the best circumstances. If the doctors were right about her dad...

"I know that you'll probably want to visit your mom an

d your friends for part of it. And I don't know what's going to be going on with my dad. I mean, he'll be recovering I'm sure. I know I'll be busy helping him. But I hope you'll come visit for a few days no matter what's going on."

"I'm spending all ten days with you and your dad." I hoped I would get to meet her father. I wanted to tell him how amazing his daughter was. I wanted the chance to shake his hand.

She lifted her head slightly so she could look up at me. Her long hair splayed against my chest. "He's going to like you, I know it."

I ran my fingers down the arch of her back. "I can't wait to meet him."

"Hmm." She smiled and put her head back down on my chest.

I breathed in the smell of her hair and let my fingers dance across her bare skin. It was like something happened to me as I held her. My heart didn't hurt anymore. I felt at peace. With everything.

I felt her fingers trace the scar on my hip.

For a second I held my breath. She had asked about it before, but I had deflected. She didn't need to ask me again. I wanted to tell her. I needed to get it off my chest.

"When you asked me why I was pushing you to go home earlier, it wasn't because I wanted you to go."

She lifted her head and looked up at me. "I know."

I thought she might say something else, but she stayed silent. I ran my fingers through her hair. It wasn't like I had done the motion a million times, but it still felt comforting. "I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to my dad, Hails. I just didn't want you to miss out on that too."

She bit her lower lip. "Why won't you tell me about the accident?"

I pushed my hair back with my hand and dropped my gaze. I didn't want to hold back anymore, but that didn't mean it was easy to talk about. It felt like my throat was constricting. I swallowed hard, trying to remove the lump. But it didn't go away. "My dad's dead because of me. And my grandfather is dead because of me." I immediately felt her hand on the side of my face, making my eyes meet hers again.

She shook her head. "I'm sure that's not true."

"I was driving, Hails."

She pressed her lips together.

I knew she wasn't expecting me to say that. I knew she thought it was just the pain of rejection that I was holding on to. That I was a mess because Penny didn't like me back. But it was way more than that. I felt guilty.

"It was an accident." She put her hand on my forearm.

"That doesn't mean it wasn't my fault."

"Of course it does. I'm sure whatever happened could have happened to anyone. You can't..."

"Blame myself? Yes, I can. We were driving back late after a camping trip and my dad kept saying he was tired. He wanted to stop at a motel, but I had to be back for an exam. My grandfather was already asleep in the back seat. On a whim he had decided to come back with us too. A fucking whim." It felt like my throat was constricting. "So I offered to drive. And...I don't know..." I let my voice trail off. "I must have fallen asleep too."

Sympathy was written all over her face.

I didn't want her sympathy. It was almost like I wanted her forgiveness. She was losing her father. I had let her believe my situation was the same as hers. Like I had lost my dad in some tragedy too. But I didn't just lose him. It was my fault that he was dead.

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