Page 14 of Sins (The Sins Trilogy 1)
Chapter Five
Ivy
Tony leads me into the house through the back door, ensuring that nobody gets a look at my rather shameful state. Although he didn’t say anything else after we talked on the bank of the bayou, just him being there was enough to help me calm down. He might not have been the epitome of tenderness, but he protected me like a medieval knight. Nobody else did that, not even Sue Ellen. He makes me feel safe just by being close.
I don’t understand why he called himself a monster. Was it because of what I said back at the party?
You’re going to kill him. Do you want to go to jail for murder?
Tony’s expression was terrifying when he heard me, but I only said it because I was scared for him. I’ve never seen rage like that before. I didn’t want him to cross a line he shouldn’t, especially not over me.
Soberer and calmer now, I can see how stupid it was for me to go up to the second floor like that. Sue Ellen said—cajoled and wheedled—that we should accept Caleb’s invitation for special drinks, but I should’ve known better than to go up or try that crazy mix of beer and soju. I’d never even heard of soju before, but Caleb said it was a Korean liquor he got on a trip to New York.
I don’t know if there was anything else in it, but it got me tipsy so fast, the room was spinning after a few swallows. Thankfully, the spinning effect didn’t last long, and I placed the half-full glass on a table even though the boys were insisting I finish it.
As for Sue Ellen, she had one, then stood by and watched when Caleb made his move, instead of calling for help or trying to stop him. She’s been increasingly hung up on being part of the cool crowd. It’s like she’s decided that’s what she should aim for, since getting into a conservatory isn’t happening.
It makes me angry. Resentful. And stupid that I ever felt the slightest bit of guilt that she didn’t get into any of the elite music programs when I did. And that I let that teeny sense of regret make me do things I wouldn’t normally do to accommodate her.
But most of all, I’m sad that my friendship with the first girl to be nice to me in Tempérane had to end this way.
“You should put on something else,” Tony says, taking a quick look around my frilly room.
“Okay.” My voice is still a little quaky. I clench my jaw. “Thank you.” Still quaky, but not too terrible. At least, I don’t think so.
He nods once.
I go into the bathroom with a long nightshirt. I wipe the makeup—which is smeared and gross—off my face and splash it with cold water. I take off the robe that smells like unfamiliar laundry soap and perfume, brush my teeth and gargle three times with extra-strong mouthwash to get rid of the taste of Caleb’s forceful kiss. Then I shower with hot water, scrubbing until my skin’s almost raw, to erase his touch.
Bastard. Fucking asshole.
I look down at my hands. People call them gifted. Dexterous. I clench them hard.
It’s too bad they only know how to play perfect arpeggios, but not how to throw a killer punch like Tony. It would’ve been so satisfying to break Caleb’s nose.
I finally turn the water off, dry myself and put on the nightshirt. It has a perky Tweety Bird on the front. Tweety was Mom’s favorite animation character, and I always feel like I’m close to her every time I wear this thing. Even though my nerves are still frayed, it helps.
“Come on,” I whisper. I brace my palms on the edge of the double vanity. “You can get through this. It… The worst didn’t happen.”
The worst didn’t happen.Could have, but didn’t. Ever since my parents died in the car crash, that’s been my motto. I can carry on as long as the worst doesn’t happen. Although I lost my parents, I have Aunt Margot and Uncle Lane, who provide for me in ways most would envy. Although I almost ran into a tree when I first started driving, I didn’t…and the car and tree were both fine.
But I can’t stop shaking, and tears begin to flow. There have been other boys who tried to steal a kiss or cop a feel. I was always able to deflect them. What Caleb did was far worse—far more violating. The loud party. The closed room. The alcohol. The other boys egging him on. Sue Ellen watching.
It was such a trap. Such a betrayal.
I wipe at my wet cheeks. It’s stupid to cry now, when I’m safe. I couldn’t muster a single tear when that asshole grabbed me.
Leaning against the sink, I cover my mouth with a palm. Hearing the sobs out loud would make me feel worse.
I can’t tell Aunt Margot what happened because she’d be upset over the attack, but also disappointed that I didn’t follow her advice and put some distance between me and Sue Ellen. She’d give me the same speech she did when I was fourteen and starting to make more friends in town.
Be careful who you let into your inner circle, Ivy. People are presumptuous and try to force their “friendship” on us, all the while feigning altruistic motives. What they really want is the things we can do for them using our money and influence. You need to figure out who is and isn’t worth your time…and distance yourself accordingly.
When I’m finally out of tears, I stand, blow my nose and wash my face with cold water again. My eyes are swollen, my complexion blotchy, but hopefully I’ll look okay tomorrow morning. If not, I’ll just hide in my room until I can sneak down to the piano to practice. I hate to miss even a single session, because I can tell the difference.
When I come out, Tony’s settled on the chair in front of my vanity, every light out except for the one by my bed. I falter. He doesn’t give me more than a cursory glance, but it sears me like a hot iron.
“Feeling better?” he asks.
