Page 27 of Sins (The Sins Trilogy 1)
“We were talking about a performance we saw on a skiing trip to Switzerland two years ago,” Harry mutters. “You nodded when Ivy said she’d love to hear it and if anybody knew the songs.”
“Ah. Sure,” I say, pasting on a smile, chagrined that I completely lost track of the conversation. What an impression I must be making.
“We only want you to sing if you still have the voice,” Harry adds jokingly.
“I enjoyed the folk songs in Switzerland,” Mother says, a hint of life in her tone. “It’d be silly to go back just for the songs, though.”
“I’d be happy to sing one for you,” I say. She loves music. Maybe my performance will remind her how she used to enjoy listening to me play the piano and sing. Maybe giving her some musical pleasure will make her realize I’m not such a terrible monster.
We move to the room with the baby grand. I wait until everyone sits down. Only then do I flex my fingers and play a sweet folk song I learned in Switzerland, singing the words in German. I hit all the notes perfectly, my baritone voice soaring effortlessly. I pour all my longing and love into the music, hoping Mother will notice and finally give me the absolution she hasn’t deemed me worthy of for the past nine years.
I want to be home. I want all of us to be happy…as much as we can without Katherine. I want to be able to live without the crippling weight of guilt.
When I’m done, I stand and take a tentative bow. Everyone claps except for Mother.
She lets out a soft sigh. “That’s excellent, son.”
Son. Hope and yearning twine around my heart. My pulse accelerates. Am I forgiven?
She stands. “I’m exhausted. I think I’ll go to bed early.”
I reach over and start to lean closer to give her a goodnight kiss.
Before my lips can touch her cheek, she takes a small step back and places a hand on my jaw. “Good night,” she murmurs, not meeting my eyes.
She and Father walk out together. I stand there, my hands clenched tight. It’s all I can do not to smash the fucking piano.
Edgar pats my shoulder. “Mom’s trying,” he says quietly. “Give her time.”
I’ve taken something from her that can never be replaced—and left a hole in her heart that can never be filled. So perhaps I deserve to lose her love and suffer, but that doesn’t make my disappointment any less bitter.
