Page 45 of Sins (The Sins Trilogy 1)
Wow. That’s serious-serious! Send me pics. I want to know if he’s any hot.
I send her a pic of him and me together. A selfie we took a couple of weeks ago. Yuna’s big on eye candy.
A moment later, she responds, Damn. Totally worth it.
Right? But…I text rapidly, laying out what the problem is—mainly that he won’t let me say I love him, even though he tells me he loves me.
If he didn’t say the L-word, I’d say he’s using you, but it doesn’t sound like it. He’s really into you.
That’s what I think too. He’s making plans to be with me in Philly, rather than going to a more glamorous city like New York or Boston. So why doesn’t he want to hear it? I’m so frustrated.
It takes a moment before Yuna sends me her response. Any childhood trauma or abuse?
What do you mean?
I read this book once. Not psychology, a romance novel. In it, the girl was super abused by her ex, who told her, “I love you,” over and over again while beating the crap out of her. She couldn’t stand hearing anybody tell her “I love you” after that because it brought back ugly memories.
My jaw slackens as my gaze slides toward Tony. He’s scrunching his face at the TV, then laughs as something explodes on screen. Did somebody beat him like in Yuna’s romance novel, while telling him, “I love you”?
The only person I can think of who would hurt him like that is Aunt Margot, but I just can’t imagine her raising a hand against her son, no matter how furious she was. Her MO is mainly giving him the cold shoulder.
So what happened in the book?
Obviously she got over it with the right man. But this is real life. There are tons of things love can’t fix. If you can, get out now. Guys like that are high maintenance. The work may not be worth it.
I read it twice, dry bitterness in my mouth, and look at Tony again. What Yuna’s saying is totally logical. I’d probably give her the same advice if our positions were reversed. But the idea of giving Tony up feels like one of those huge Amazonian snakes around my chest.
Too late, I reply. I’m crazy in love with him.
Sorry, I’m being negative. Haven’t had my coffee yet. Okay, forget what I said. If he has some mental hang-ups about hearing “I love you” then just avoid saying the words. Show him in some symbolic way, so he KNOWS you love him.
Like what?
Take inspiration from history? Schubert used to write ridiculously romantic music and dedicated it to whichever married woman he was in love with.
Despite my mood, I almost laugh at the suggestion. I’m not going to do that.
Maybe a ring? I watched a drama where this girl got a tattoo for her man. In the story they were meant to be together forever, but maybe that’s too permanent. You know love doesn’t last. Not like that.
Schubert might’ve been fickle, but I’m not. Thanks! You’re a genius!
I know. You owe me. Now I gotta go make myself pretty and join the parents for breakfast. Bye!
XOXO, I type and hit Send, ideas swirling in my head. If Tony doesn’t want to hear me say I love him, he can see that I love him by looking at something on me. A ring is a definite possibility. People wear one when they get engaged or married…but it seems too temporary. I can always just take it off.
Or lose it.Oh my God, what kind of message would that send? That my love can vanish down a drain because of carelessness?
No, I need something better. More enduring. And a tattoo sounds like just the ticket. And it’s not “too permanent,” like Yuna said. What I feel for Tony could never be too permanent.
I steal another glance in his direction and squeeze his hand. Soon. He’s going to know I love him without my having to say the words.
