Page 111 of Secrets (The Sins Trilogy 2)
Chapter Forty-Two
Iris
The rest of the day is a blur. My mind keeps bringing up what TJ said. Then it argues with me about how stupid I’m being, its voice gravelly and low-pitched like TJ’s.
Just take what Tony’s offering. Run with it. Forget what happened before. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t have to know.
By the time I make it to Yuna’s hotel, my head is pounding. She’s curled up in her seat in front of the TV, watching BBC News. She frowns and turns it off. “You look awful.”
“Just a headache. Do you have any aspirin?”
Mr. Kim immediately appears and hands me a couple of white pills with a glass of water.
“Thank you.” I smile weakly. After taking the medicine, I kick off my shoes and sit down next to Yuna.
“Tough day at work?”
“You could say that.” I sigh, closing my eyes. Audrey Duff deserves him more.
A fresh wave of outrage rips through me. She doesn’t deserve Tony at all. Her idea of fighting for him is faking suicide. That’s all kinds of messed up.
But are you worthy of him, you little chickenshit?
That’s what I’m trying to figure out, so shut up.
“Hey, do you think I’m a coward?” I ask.
“You? A coward?” Yuna shifts her weight. “Says who?”
I’m not getting into TJ’s visit. She wouldn’t take it well. I don’t want to see Mr. Kim try to hold TJ down so Yuna can lecture him about being nicer. “I’m just asking.”
“No. You’re one of the bravest and most resilient people I know.”
Her answer leaves me touched and embarrassed. My friend. Always seeing the best in me. Doesn’t she know I killed someone? Or does she not care?
“What brought that on?” she asks.
“I was thinking…” I hesitate. I don’t want to discuss TJ’s accusations in detail. But I can maybe tell her some of the arguments my mind’s been throwing at me. “How do you make a decision when you don’t know something?”
She considers. “Do you actually have to make the decision?”
“Yes.” I can’t let Tony suffer in limbo. TJ’s right about that part.
“My dad once told me there’s no certainty in life. You have to make so many decisions, and you never know all the facts. For example, you make a decision to go outside. But you don’t know if it’s safe or not. A drunk driver might hit you when you try to cross the street. Or there could be some psycho terrorist about to strike where you’re going.”
Maybe I should’ve been a little more specific. Fear of drunk drivers or terrorism isn’t going to help me figure out what to do. But Yuna’s looking at me like I should get it now, so I say, “So you just…do it?”
“Well…” She props her chin in her hand. “You’re probably talking about decisions that are a bit more complex than just going outside, right? So in that case, you can only look at what you know for sure and then decide. I usually write things out. Two columns. One for the things I know for a fact and another for the things I don’t know. Then I weigh my options.”
That sounds so logical and straightforward. But there’s got to be a landmine somewhere. Nothing can be that simple, especially when it involves a matter of the heart. “Have you ever regretted a decision you made using the two-column way?”
She taps her lower lip a few times. “You know what? I can’t think of any. But I remember regretting not taking chances. Basically, everything is a risk. The times I let some small risk stop me, when I was afraid…I’ve regretted some of those.”
“You? Afraid?” Yuna’s one of the most fearless people I’ve ever met. Not to mention she has rich parents to bail her out.
She nods. “Sometimes I feed it, giving it more power than I should. You know, like when you’re a kid. For example, I refused to swim in the ocean.”
It’s hard to imagine. She seems so capable all the time. “Why?”
