Page 161 of Secrets (The Sins Trilogy 2)
Chapter Sixty-Five
Anthony
“What the hell?” Harry says from above…probably the top of the stairs.
I can hear him coming down. What time is it? Morning? Why is he still here? I told him to go home last night.
“Are you trying to suffocate yourself?” He yanks on the pillow from over my face, ripping it from my hands.
I jump off the couch and grab it back, then shove him away, hugging the pillow to my chest.
“Tony?” Harry looks at me like I just escaped from a mental hospital.
“Don’t touch it.” I hug the pillow more tightly.
“Your pillow? You don’t want me to touch your pillow?”
“It’s Ivy’s. Still smells like her. I don’t want you contaminating it.”
Harry closes his eyes. “Oh, for fuck’s sake.”
“Shut up and go back to your place.”
“And leave you in this pathetic, unstable mental state? Do you even hear yourself?”
I do, and don’t care. “I have so few things of hers left. I have to be careful.”
“Is that why you’re sleeping on the couch?” He speaks slowly, as though I’m three.
Condescending bastard. “The bedsheets still smell like her, but the more I sleep there, the more they’re going to end up smelling like me.”
Harry sighs. “You have guest bedrooms.”
“She used to sit here.” I park myself on the couch. I know I’m being unreasonable, but I can’t help myself.
“Why don’t you just go get her?”
“Get her?” I already tried that and failed.
“Yeah, get her. Make her come back to you. Isn’t that why you made all this money and crap? So you can have her?”
I look around my home. The expensive furnishing. The wide expanses of marble and granite. The creamy-white Steinway. The only thing missing is Ivy. “Money—all of it—is so I can make her happy and give her the world.” If I can’t do that, it’s nothing but numbers on my bank statement.
“So go give it to her and you can win her over again.” Harry spreads his arms. “You can do anything!”
“Can I?” I stare at my younger brother. Doesn’t he know my history? “I couldn’t protect Katherine. I couldn’t protect Ivy nine years ago. I still can’t do a thing to fix everything I’ve broken. You’re right. If all I want is to have her, I can manipulate her into coming to me.” In my lowest, most craven moments, I’ve considered it, despite Yuna’s warning. “But then what?” Maybe Harry has an answer. After all, he’s spent ten years of his life in college, studying.
He spreads his arms. “Then she’ll be yours!”
Ah, Harry. Always the optimist and the charmer. Maybe you could pull it off, but not me. Never me. “No, she won’t. She doesn’t believe in me anymore. If I force her, she’ll hate me. She’ll grow hollow, bitter and cold. Just like Mother.”
The energy seeps out of Harry. His hands slowly fall to his sides.
“I can’t do that to her. She’s meant to shine.” Like the sun, moon and stars.
A beat. “Maybe she’ll change her mind.”
I prayed for that, too, when I went to see her. But I know better. “Miracles don’t happen more than once, Harry. Not to someone undeserving like me.”
