Page 163 of Secrets (The Sins Trilogy 2)
I ignore it, not wanting to argue. I just want to spend some time with a friend and forget about Tony and everything else for a while.
Byron drives along the coastline. It’s the same route Tony took when we were first seeing each other. It’s still beautiful, just like before, but something about it feels flat. Not as sparkling or vivid, as though I’m seeing the view through an unclean window.
The hole in my heart grows a little bigger.
It infuriates me that Yuna might be right after all, because she should be dead wrong. She doesn’t get to call Tony my soul mate, the man who I’ll love through a thousand lives and beyond. If he were, he wouldn’t have hurt me. There’s no way I’m going to go through this pain again if I actually am reborn.
“What are you thinking about?” Byron asks.
“Soul mates.” The answer slips out before I can catch myself. I force a smile. “And that it’s really pretty here.” I turn my gaze to the view.
“You believe in soul mates?” He sounds half surprised, half amused.
I tilt my head. “Don’t you?”
“Nope. Too fanciful for my taste. I only believe what I can see and feel now. There are billions of people in the world. How can there be only one person for you? What if you never meet that person? Then you just…die? Alone and pathetic and sad?” He looks out over the landscape. “Hard to swallow.”
His practical outlook should be a comfort, especially after Yuna’s ridiculously over-the-top romanticism. But it isn’t. It makes me sadder. Out of billions of people, and the thousands of men I ran across during my travels around the globe, I couldn’t have fallen for one of them. It had to be Tony. I shed tears at the sight of him. Then he rescued me from Jamie Thornton and took me home, took care of me. It doesn’t matter what lies Tony told everyone, I know he’s the one who beat Jamie almost to a literal pulp. I could’ve avoided Tony, especially after Marty’s warnings. A polite “thank you” would’ve been enough. But I let myself be curious and open. He pulled me closer, slowly and carefully, never rushing, always making sure I was emotionally and physically okay every step of the way.
“Rizzy…” Byron’s voice jerks me out of my reveries.
I realize he’s stopped the car on a lookout over the Pacific shore.
“May I still call you that?” he asks.
“Of course.” He always said “Iris” was too ordinary, and I honestly don’t mind. At least it isn’t a fake name people slapped on me for their own amusement and fun.
He reaches out and touches my hand, just our fingertips connecting. “I know it’s probably too soon, and it’s going to be a sort of rebound if I’m not careful. But I don’t want to bide my time and have someone else pluck you away.”
I inhale sharply, my throat going dry. What?
“I liked you from the moment we met. The only reason I held back is you’re Julie’s friend, and she would have be upset if I’d made a move. So I was taking my time to be sure what I was—am—feeling for you wasn’t just some passing attraction.”
Holy shit. Tony was right about Byron all along.“And…?” Say you decided it was a temporary crush. Say it was nothing.
Byron looks deeply into my eyes, then smoothly leans over and in for a kiss, his large palm on my cheek.
Oh. My. God.I freeze, unsure what to do. His lips are firm and coaxing. His tongue moves over my closed lips. I’m not repulsed…but I’m not burning up with lust, either. I’m not sure why. He’s a good kisser. There’s nothing wrong with his technique. Actually…he could probably hold classes.
Come on. Feel something. Anything.
But I can’t. Not even a tinge of warmth rises. Instead, I get frustration. Kissing Byron is like trying to fit together puzzle pieces that are obviously wrong. My mind brings up all the ways Byron’s kiss is off, how he isn’t Tony. And I feel worse—more alone and detached.
Placing a hand on his shoulder, I gently push him back. His eyes are dark. The slight frown on his face says he already knows.
“I’m sorry, Byron. I’m really flattered, but we can’t have anything more than friendship. That’s all I feel, and it wouldn’t be fair for me to make you think it would ever become more.” I wish he hadn’t tried, because now things are different. I know how he really feels about me, and he knows I know.
Confusion twists his face. “Because of Blackwood?”
An immediate, defensive “no” springs to my lips, but I catch myself in time. If I hadn’t met Tony, would I have reacted differently to the kiss? My gaze roams over Byron’s classically handsome face, the gorgeous blue eyes women sigh over. I don’t think I would have. I’ve never felt an ounce of possessiveness or vulnerability with him. He’s just my friend. That’s all. “No.”
Byron doesn’t pull away; he stays in position, partially suspended, his hand still on my jaw. For the first time, awkwardness permeates the air around us. I can’t help but wonder if I’m losing him too. Inhaling slowly, I gather my thoughts and settle my nerves. “It isn’t always easy to go back to the way things were, so if you’d rather not be friends, I understand.”
Finally, he pulls back, straightening in his seat. “Well, let’s not go overboard.” He clears his throat, but it doesn’t smooth the rough edge of his voice. “Of course we can still be friends.”
“Okay,” I say, although I’m not one hundred percent sure it’s possible now. But I’m willing to try if he is. Otherwise I’m left with only one friend—Julie.
We sit for a time, not speaking, watching the ocean. I’d rather go home, but I don’t want to say anything, lest he think I don’t even want to spend time with him anymore. But eventually he starts the car, turns it around and drives me back to Julie’s.
