Page 90 of Secrets (The Sins Trilogy 2)
Is he implying he did something terrible on the night he pulled me out of the water? Bad enough that he’ll murder to cover it up? “Is what why you tried to kill me?”
“No. That was a mistake.” His gaze turns inward. “I panicked because you remembered her.”
Suddenly, my belly’s full of buzzing bees. There’s more to his reaction than just my remembering the girl. He must’ve done something that night. Something bad. And he’s not going to talk if he thinks I want to know everything. So I try a different tack. “I just want to know who she is.”
He narrows his eyes, a feverish calculation taking place. If he changes the topic again, I might just jump across the table and strangle him. I’m so close to finding out what happened, filling in the blanks of my missing memories.
Finally, he heaves a long, heavy sigh. “She was your close friend.”
My hands start shaking, and I wrap them around my coffee cup like it’s an anchor. Was. My God. Tony warned me she might be dead, but I didn’t want to believe him. I’d hoped she somehow survived. “What happened? Why were we in the water?”
The look gives me is full of pity and contempt. “You were driving. Speeding like all idiot teens do when they’re feeling invincible. You lost control of the car on a bridge. It fell into the water. You made it. She didn’t.”
“Liar.” I smack the table with my palm. A tiny bit of guilt unfurls in my chest. “How could she not make it when I did?” Sam has to be lying. Another attempt to manipulate me. Since gratitude isn’t working anymore, he’s going for shame.
“Because your seatbelt was working, but hers was broken. The cops later found out something was jammed in the buckle, and she shouldn’t have been riding in the car with you, not when the seatbelt was broken. You felt awful about it. You knew it was broken, but didn’t get it fixed right away. Didn’t think it was a big deal. Your mother blamed herself for that, too. Said she should’ve made you take the car in to the dealer.”
I start to deny it, then stop. Yuna mentioned I gave a ride to a guy…an oboe player. He broke my seatbelt buckle. Did this happen after? Somewhere near Curtis? Was the girl an aspiring musician?
Hot, bitter bile floods my mouth, and I quickly sip the coffee. Self-loathing tears at me. My negligence cost a girl her life. Even though I don’t remember who she is, she was a friend.
Sam continues, “You remember me pulling you out of the water, right?”
“Yes,” I answer, my voice hoarse. My memory is a bit hazy around all the details, but I know he dove for me.
“Do you also remember I pulled you out first?”
I nod. Cold dread slices into my heart like a blade, waiting for Sam to twist…
“You know why? Because you were alive. She wasn’t.”
Icy pain blooms in my chest. “No.”
“There was so much blood, it was obvious she was gone. The coroner said she hit her head and chest hard, and the trauma killed her. If she’d been strapped to her seat, maybe she would’ve lived.”
Denial builds inside, but I can’t voice it. I know he’s telling the truth. Did I not see blood clouding around her head in my memory? If she weren’t hurt, there wouldn’t have been so much blood, would there? I feel sick to my stomach. I wish I hadn’t had lunch, because it’s churning hard.
“You killed your friend because you were too lazy to fix your car.”
I stare in horror. I didn’t know until now how mere words could cause so much pain, but each syllable out of Sam’s mouth is slashing me like a machete. I breathe slowly. “How do I know you aren’t lying?” I demand. Just because Yuna said my seatbelt was broken doesn’t mean Sam’s version is what really happened.
He shrugs. “I know you’re beginning to regain your memories. It’d be stupid of me to lie now. So go ahead. Remember it all. Recall the expression on her mother’s face when she confronted you about what happened.”
The taunt sends a fresh wave of terror through me. I can’t sense he’s lying. He’s too assured. Still… How can he be telling the truth? How could I have killed someone and not remember everything that happened?
Just what the hell kind of person was I back then?
“Why do you have her dress?” I ask, grasping for something, anything to discredit his story.
“Because her mother gave it to you, hoping you would never forget you murdered her daughter.”
Oh my God.I bury my face in my hands, unable to face the world. I’m too ashamed, too guilty.
“Like I said, you aren’t that clean, Iris. If you don’t want your precious Anthony to stay ignorant of what a stupid bitch you are, you’ll do as I say!”
I barely register Sam’s hateful words through the roaring in my head. I stand unsteadily and rush to the bathroom, then throw up until there’s nothing in my belly. Even then, I can’t stop heaving.
The girl… I might as well have drowned her with my own hands. She died because of me. And her mother… I don’t remember her at all. She must’ve hated me. I don’t know how she could not. And for me to forget it all…and live like I’ve done nothing wrong…
