Page 91 of Secrets (The Sins Trilogy 2)
I was so worried about not being broken anymore that I never thought about what I looked like whole. The idea that I could be so ugly never crossed my mind.
“You okay?” Bobbi says from behind me.
I wave her away. No need to watch me puke.
Did Tony know deep in his heart that my past could be less than pretty? Is that why he was so reluctant to help me find the girl in the car?
Finally, when my body stops trying to hurl up my intestines, I slowly rise to my feet. Bobbi’s thankfully gone, and I’m alone in the bathroom. I splash cold water on my face. I look horrible in the mirror—pale and glassy-eyed. My lips are trembling, and I can’t stop shaking.
What if Tony learns what kind of person I was? What if he thinks less of me?
I always thought he’d wake up one day and decide I was too broken for him. But now it seems like he might not want me because I’m just not good enough for the kind of devotion he has for me.
I drag myself to the table. Sam’s gone. Bobbi’s there, watching my things.
“You’re pale,” she says. “Are you all right?”
No. But I can’t tell her. I can’t explain to anybody why I’m not okay. “I’m fine.”
“Did he threaten you?”
I start to shake my head, but my vision dims for a moment. So I grip the back of the seat instead. “No. Let’s get back to the office.” I pick up my purse, and we return together.
Not even the California sun can thaw my icy body. My teeth start to chatter, and I clench my jaw so Bobbi doesn’t notice.
Once we’re back in the office, I pull out my phone. It’s an effort, since my hands are so clumsy. I text Byron. Given how he’s been ignoring me, I don’t know if he’s going to ignore this too, but I have to try.
The girl I asked you to look for. Don’t do it.
Instead of a text saying okay, I get a call. Maybe it’s better to just talk to him. It’s taking me too long to type.
“What’s going on? Why the hell not? You said it was important,” Byron demands angrily.
“It’s not, okay? Just…don’t argue with me,” I plead, doing my best not to cry.
“Is Blackwood forcing you?”
A hysterical laugh bubbles in my raw throat. “No. It’s all me. My decision.” Because I’m a coward. I’m too scared to know everything now.
“Rizzy, talk to me. I know he’s been manipulating you.”
“I just did talk to you.” Tears flow anyway. My jaw trembles. “I gotta go. Elizabeth needs me,” I lie, since I can’t tell him anything. I’m being a shitty friend.
At least you haven’t killed him. That’s an improvement, a voice that sounds just like Sam whispers in my head. I slowly bury my face in my hands.
What Sam said keeps circling in my mind. I try my best to push it aside, but can’t. Now I wish I’d never gone to see him. Or tried to remember my past. Or tried to be unbroken.
“Iris, are you all right?”
I lift my head and look at Elizabeth.
She gasps, her hands resting on my shoulders. “Oh my goodness, what happened? You look awful.” She places her palm on my forehead, then turns toward Tolyan. “Can you get Bobbi and ask her to take Iris home? She’s burning up.”
“No, I’m fine.” If I act like nothing’s wrong, nothing will be wrong. I’m going to pretend I never met Sam. Never heard what he said.
“Don’t be absurd. Go home and rest. If you don’t feel good, don’t come in.”
“But—”
“That’s not a request, Iris. Go home. Have Tony nurse you back to health.”
