Page 28 of Mercy (The Sins Trilogy 3)
Chapter Ten
Ivy
“Look at those two, plotting to take over the world,” Ryder says, glancing at Harry and Tony out by the pool.
“Tony, yes, but Harry?” From what I’ve seen of him, he’s just a happy grad student.
Ryder laughs. “Yeah. He’s probably trying to find a way to score free booze at one of Tony’s clubs.”
“They seem to get along well.”
I’m glad Tony has a good relationship with someone from his family. It’s obvious his mother isn’t really the warm and sweet type. I can’t shake off the good-riddance smirk she wore at Sam’s funeral or the cold way she dealt with Tony and me yesterday, all the while talking about our wedding. It was like she was trying too hard to show she cares.
“Free booze trumps everything, but yeah. Tony’s lucky his brothers are decent and independent of his parents. They’ll never abandon him, no matter what.” Ryder pops an olive into his mouth and chews. “What about you?”
The question makes me unsure whether I should be offended. Does he doubt me? “Of course I’m on his side.”
“Then really be on his side.” His words feel like he’s chiding me, but his tone is careful and neutral. “You know why I can’t tell you I’m sorry I lied to you about who you are? Because I’d do it again.”
“I’m not upset about that. And you don’t have to defend yourself to me. I know you’re Tony’s friend, so you’ll always side with him.”
“It’s not that simple. I wouldn’t have done it if it’d caused you harm.”
Well, that’s an intriguing justification. “You didn’t think it’d be harmful to lie to me about my own identity?”
He shakes his head. His face turns somber…almost funereal. “You don’t know this, but when Tony thought you’d died in the accident, he was a mess. He blamed himself and was angry at everyone and everything. I wasn’t the best of friends back then. I was too young to realize just how badly Tony was suffering. And I was always busy, with my career starting to take off. So when he cut me out of his life, it was totally shocking. But eventually I understood why. I became even more sympathetic when I fell in love with my wife. I told myself if there was a way to make it up to him, I would, no matter what.
“So when he asked me for that one favor, and explained why it was necessary to keep you safe, I did it. I’m never letting him suffer like that again.”
The close call from yesterday flashes through my mind. My body tenses as though bracing for an impact, and I swear I can hear the sound of metal punching into metal. When am I going to stop reacting so viscerally?
“Like I said, you don’t have to defend yourself.” Ryder never struck me as the type to make excuses, and he shouldn’t bother, because I already know where he stands. “I honestly don’t mind that you’re on his side. You’re his friend.”
Ryder shakes his head. “You don’t get it. I’m not telling you this because I want to justify myself. I’m doing it so you’ll understand how you’ve hurt Tony. Your leaving gutted him.”
“His lying hurt me too!” I say, hot resentment piercing me despite my best intentions. Does Ryder think I was happy over the last two weeks?
“Not in the same way.” The easygoing Hollywood façade slips off his face. He looks hard and grim. “Maybe it’s a woman thing to want a break, but to Tony, it’s the ultimate punishment.”
I inhale sharply. Is that what everyone thinks? That I stayed with Julie to punish him?
“I don’t know if you know this, but his parents banished him when he was twelve. He accepted that as what he deserved for something he did as a child. So it’s better if you stay here to work things out, even if you aren’t sharing the same room or whatever.”
“I never banished him,” I say, unsure why Ryder’s equating what his parents did to Tony to what happened between us. What his parents did to him is utterly cruel, and it only makes me think he’s better off without them, especially after seeing what Margot is like. Is Ryder trying to tell me I’m a heartless bitch?
“Same thing to him. You banished him from your life. Not having you is his greatest fear and pain.”
“It was painful for me, too,” I say, embarrassment and anger playing tug of war inside me. Ryder’s tone isn’t accusatory, but I don’t enjoy being made to feel like I’ve done something terrible.
“But you’re the one who kept him out, staying away. He never got a chance to really redeem himself with you.”
My mouth tightens as Ryder’s words sink in. It’s easier for me to retreat and give myself space to think a problem through. It’s become a habit, because I never really know who I can trust or rely on, since my memory is a mess.
I fell back on that with Tony too, and I’ve never considered how difficult it must be for him. I had good reasons, but so did he. Ones last night’s events made entirely too real for me, and left this Band-Aid on my palm. If it weren’t for him, I’d be a bloody smear on Julie’s driveway.
I realize Tony’s serious about keeping me safe, using whatever means necessary, and takes all the blame when his attempts go bad.
And he didn’t even feel like he could come after me and drag me back home because he doesn’t know if he deserved it.He almost never sees himself as God’s gift to mankind like some of the young, rich and entitled people I’ve met.
