Page 30 of Mercy (The Sins Trilogy 3)
Chapter Eleven
Ivy
Harry and Ryder leave after dessert and coffee. Bobbi gives me a look. I let her know I need some private time with Tony, and she goes upstairs. What I’m going to tell him isn’t something I want an audience for.
Finally, it’s just two of us in the living room. Tony stands by the giant sliding doors and stares out at the California sky.
I look at him—his broad shoulders, the solid stance with his feet rooted to the spot. He takes on so much on his own, and he never asks anybody for help.
Doesn’t he ever get tired?
The control and aloofness that permeates every fiber of him say if you try to share some of the weight he carries, he’ll reject the gesture. Not because he’s proud. But because that’s who he is.
What Ryder told me about Tony’s banishment has made me think about our relationship from another perspective. I realize I can’t just be strong if I want to be his equal partner. I need to let him know it’s okay for him to be not only vulnerable but imperfect—that I’ll treasure him regardless of whatever flaws he has.
And I haven’t shown him much of that by running instead of working on our issues together. I didn’t take much time to think about what he told me—why he felt he had to lie.
Other than the fact that I was incredibly upset, I can’t remember the precise reason I was so quick to lump him with Sam. Sam was always impenetrable and autocratic with me. Tony’s shown me so many glimpses of his soul—all his vulnerabilities and hopes. No matter how hurt I was, I should’ve given him the benefit of the doubt.
Quietly, I wrap my arms around his waist and press my cheek against his strong back. He twitches once, his whole body, before he relaxes.
“Just the two of us now,” I murmur against his shoulder blade.
“Sorry they all showed up like that.”
“It’s okay. They just wanted to make sure you were all right.”
He turns within my arms. “I’m fine as long as you’re with me. I promise I’ll keep you safe and give you the world.” He presses a tender kiss on my forehead.
“What if I don’t want the world?” Doesn’t he think I’m here because I want him, not the world or whatever else he can get me?
He frowns. “Then anything else you want. Just say it, and I’ll make it happen.”
“You. Just you—that’s all I want.”
“You already have me.” He brushes his thumb across the mole under my lower lip.
He doesn’t really understand what I’m saying. He thinks he gets to tag along with this world he’s going to give me, not that he’s the center of everything I desire.
“I wish I could help you see how you’re worth more than anything to me, even though I haven’t done the best job of showing that to you. I…put distance between us every time I needed to think or regroup.” I let go and take his hands in mine. “I only left because thinking that you betrayed me ripped my heart out. It’s scary how vulnerable I am with you, how much my happiness depends on you.”
His eyes are wide. Shock moves across his gorgeous face. “You’re not vulnerable. I’ll protect you with my life. You’re the better part of my soul, the only light in my life. Even if I were to live another million years, I’d never find another woman like you. You’re the only one giving any meaning to my existence.”
I was wrong. I’m not the only one exposed and defenseless in this relationship. He is utterly unshielded against me. Awe and surprise pulse through me as I look at him. He always appears so strong and impervious and detached that it never occurred to me he could be this raw and affected by me.
But there’s another side. We aren’t just weak around each other; we make each other stronger as well. I feel more centered and surer of myself knowing that Tony’s by my side. It’s given me the courage to overcome my intense dislike of being in the water, heal the pain and guilt of knowing that I might’ve killed someone, and face all the people who ostensibly came to congratulate us on our engagement (although I’m pretty sure—in retrospect—that most of them came to gawk at me, the one Anthony Blackwood deemed worthy of marriage).
I rise on my toes, wrapping my arms around his neck. “You don’t have to live a million years to know there won’t be another. I’m not going to give you a chance. I’m never leaving you, and I forgive you for lying to me about my identity. I should’ve known you would’ve never done that without a really, really good reason. I’m sorry we almost died last night before I realized it.”
Before he can say anything, I kiss him. I’ve missed him so much. And it’s only right that I show him, because words aren’t enough.
His lips part. His movements are tentative at first, but I move boldly, stroking his mouth with my tongue and gliding inside. Then his arms tighten, and he devours me as though given the permission he was waiting for.
His masculine scent, his taste, fills my senses. A fireball of need explodes in my chest as my heart swells with tenderness for him. The heat spreads like wildfire, strong and unstoppable.
I arch my back, pressing my breasts against his chest. My nipples bead in my bra, an almost painful awareness making them tingle. I’m already soaked. Ruthless desire burns in my veins, every rapid heartbeat intensifying the heat until I think I’m going to combust right now from needing him.
“It’s been so long,” I say with a soft moan between kisses.
