Page 134 of One More Kiss

Chapter5

Chattingwith Dr. Fran was like catching up with an old friend. Even though I’m still not fully in control of my bipolar or my cutting, she was proud of how far I had come. We both agreed me moving was the best thing I have ever done. She brought Axe in for the last few minutes to talk about a plan of action when it came to my mother.

Axe suggested that I stay with him for a week or more to start with. He doesn’t want me to be alone with all that is going on. Axe also thinks it would be a good idea for us to leave town for a few days. He said he would have someone change the locks while we were gone so I wouldn’t have to worry about getting that done.

Dr. Fran agreed with pretty much everything Axe said. She did ask him if he had any ulterior motives for the trip he thinks we should go on. His answer to her was that his goal was to keep me safe and happy no matter what the cost. He’s said similar things to me before, so it didn’t bother me when he said it to her. Dr. Fran, however, suggested that if he was looking to get into a relationship with me, he need to be upfront and not try any back handed tricks. I laughed at the thought of Axe seeing me as anything but a friend.

Axe didn’t laugh though. All he said was everything would happen over time. I’m not really sure how I feel about this, but at this very moment I don’t care.

I was released from the hospital about an hour ago. Axe called Mario’s before we left so our food would be ready when we got there.

Within less than an hour I was curled up on Axe’s giant sofa eating pizza and watching one of those restaurant rescue shows. Axe is taking a shower right now. He left the door to the bathroom partially open. He said to yell if I needed him. I started laughing and asked if he thought I would really yell for him knowing he would rush out of the shower, probably still naked. He gripped my chin in his hand, lifting my head until I looked him in the eyes. His words still have me confused and a little turned on.

“It’s not the first time you’ve seen me naked, and if I get my way it won’t be the last.”

It is true that it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve seen him naked. Axe and I have fooled around some in the past. We haven’t had sex, but we’ve pretty much done everything else. However, alcohol was involved each and every time something happened between us. Neither of us have ever talked about wanting more from each other. We are both content with how our friendship is. Well, I think we both are. His answer to Dr. Fran plays over again in my mind. Does Axe want more than a friendship with me? I would think if he did he would have said something by now. I mean we’ve been friends since grade school.

“What are you thinking about?” Axe whispers in my ear, bringing me out of my thoughts and almost out of my skin.

“Don’t do that!” I snap at him. “You about gave me a heart attack!”

“I’m sorry baby girl. You were off in space when I walked in here. You didn’t even flinch when I sat down.” He wraps an arm around my shoulders, bringing me closer to his side. Without thinking about it I cuddle closer to him and rest my head on his chest. This is completely normal for us. This is how we sit most of the time when we are watching TV.

“I was just thinking about stuff.” I sigh.

“About today?”

“Yes and no.” I can’t let this eat at me. I have too much other shit to deal with. Plus, I’ve never been afraid to tell Axe anything. “Can we talk for a minute?”

Axe reaches for the remote and turns the TV off. “You never have to ask to talk to me. You know this.”

“Yeah, I know but…” Well shit, where do I start. Do I ask him straight out if he sees me as more than a friend or do a hint at it to see how he reacts?

“Baby girl.” He softly growls. A small chill goes down my spine when I feel his warm breath on my cheek. “I feel like you are holding something back from me and I don’t like it.”

“It’s not that, I’m just worried that if we have this talk that things will change, and I don’t want that.” Things changing between us would be awful for me. Well, that is if they change in a bad way. I take a few deep breaths and just go for it. “Do you see me as more than just a friend?”

Axe stares down at me, the look on his face is a mix of shock and relief. Is he shocked that I’m asking or is he shocked that I may have figured out a secret? The relief could be he’s happy he doesn’t have to hide it from me, or it could be he’s happy I didn’t ask about something else.

“I’m not sure you’re ready to hear my answer on that subject right now.” He finally says after several uncomfortable minutes of silence. Before I can ask why, he lifts me off the couch and carries me to his bedroom.

Axe lives in a beautiful cottage style home not far from my place. It should be a three bedroom house. However, Axe turned one of the rooms into a home gym, and the other room into an office. Sometimes I sit in his office as he works just to watch how different he is when he’s not working. Axe is a money manager. He helps his clients with stocks, bonds, investments, and their portfolios. I’m not good with things like that but to see him work is pretty cool. He goes from a computer genius to a badass alpha the minute he’s done though. Once he takes his glasses off everything changes about him. I love watching that happen.

Axe lays me down in the middle of the bed before leaving the room. I see a couple of lights turn off, meaning he’s shutting down the house for the night. I’ve stayed here with Axe countless times, and we have never had a problem sharing his king size bed. Tonight is a little bit of a different story. Well, for me it is.

Instead of staying in the middle of the bed, I scoot as far to the right as I can. I’m basically hanging off the edge of his bed. I pull the covers over most of my body, leaving barely my head showing. I start taking slow even breaths so maybe he’ll think I’m already asleep when he comes back.

“So that’s how it’s going to be now?” Axe laughs as he turns off the bedroom light. How does he make a king size bed feel like a small camping cot? The minute he gets into bed I can feel him. He’s not even touching me, and I can still feel him.

After laying there for hours, not being able to sleep or move, I decide to get up. I know I’m welcomed to do whatever I please here but now that I feel something more could be happening between Axe and I, it doesn’t feel right to make myself at home like I usually do. I knew sleep wasn’t going to happen, but I didn’t want to wake him up by watching TV, so I grab my wallet, which my mother was smart enough to bring to the hospital with her and start to leave. I use Axe’s phone to order an Uber because my car is at my place, along with my phone.

Pausing to reset the alarm after I opened the door, I glance back at Axe’s bedroom. The door is open, and I can see him laying there sound asleep. Part of me wants to get back into the bed, curl up next to him and let him take care of me. The other part of me is saying it’s time to stop relying on him for everything. Maybe if I had been a little bit stronger these feelings, or whatever they are, would have never started.

The Uber driver was waiting for me by the curb. It took about five minutes to get home. Even though it was almost midnight Mrs. Lawson’s lights were still on in her living room. I could hear the TV going when I knocked on her door, so I knew I probably wasn’t waking her up.

“Tink, what are you doing here? Are you ok?” She waves me into her apartment and hugs me once the door is shut behind me.

“I’m ok, but I’m having the locks changed soon. My mother stole my key and made a copy. That’s how she was able to get inside a couple of days ago.” I take a seat at her dining room table and rest my head on my folded arms. Today has been extremely too long.

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