I wasn’t made for college. But I wanted it. I wanted to be something, to prove my worth, but I was stumped as to what that could be.
Besides that, there were so many roadblocks in place anyway. I couldn’t apply because my family had no money for college. I’d have to work in order to pay for that, and a young girl my age wouldn’t be able to make enough to even pay for the books required for college. So, I gave up on any type of dream and figured I’d be like everyone else in my hometown. I’d get married, have tons of children, and not amount to anything giving credit to those terrible people.
Who was I kidding?
This was my last year of high school, and it wasn’t as terrible as middle school and the first few years of high school. Things were looking up. My grades were still amazing, and I didn’t feel like I had to hide from mean ass people anymore. I made a friend, who dated one of my brothers years ago. Clarissa was two years older than me, and most times we couldn’t hang out because she worked. We tried our best to hang out on her spare days.
I continued going down memory lane, remembering the first day of my last year of Gale High, which wasn’t even that long ago. I was terribly nervous because I didn’t want a repeat of the first few years, or even a repeat of middle school. I wanted to be like a new student and be treated differently as if no one knew me. It was surreal because I’d actually made a few friends and did things with them around town other than stay at home. I also remembered spiked blonde hair, and a gorgeous smile, but the vision had come and gone. I never saw the look again, and thought maybe I was daydreaming, hoping to see someone I’d be even remotely attracted to.
When I returned home from school, I’d choose between singing or reading my Harlequin books I bought from the local thrift shop for a nickel a piece. Sometimes, I’d go to the local library and check out the maximum quantity of books they would lend. I started reading them about two years ago and would stay up all night living out that story in my mind. I was far, far away while reading those stories. It was my absolute favorite pastime back then, well, other than singing.
“Tori let’s go. The bus is getting ready to leave this spot,” April huffed. She stood right in front of me, snapping her fingers.
I blinked my eyes furiously, trying to focus on April. “Sorry. I didn’t see you there.”
“Geez, you shouldn’t be daydreaming like that. One day, you’ll end up getting left behind if you aren’t paying attention,” April said as she strolled down the isle of the bus.
I followed her out of the double doors. I’m glad she didn’t leave me behind, but it also made me feel like a burden for not paying attention. I guess it was one of the perks of being a day dreamer. I had a knack for living a fantasy life, and dissing reality. It’s why every night before going to sleep I would write in my diary.
Sometimes, my parents would interrupt my musings, except my parents didn’t know I wrote in one, let alone owned one. On the nights my parents almost caught me, I’d quickly put the brown notebook away and cuddle under the old comforter on my bed. But I would continue to think about everything and how my life was turning out.