Tori
YESTERDAY WASTHE FIRST TIME I was actually up close and personal with the guy with blonde tips in his hair. Apparently, he also fixed computers for the school. For a slight moment I thought about making sure all the computers in each of my classes were broken so that he could waltz in and fix them. It was pure selfishness on my part and nothing I would actually accomplish. Once he left the classroom, I asked around to see if anyone knew his name. No one knew his name, but a few people recognized him as the guy from Art Club. That intrigued me since I had difficulty getting on stage and performing in front of a crowd.
Once the bell rung, everyone dispersed from the hallway and into their first period class. I searched the halls to find the boy from yesterday, he was nowhere in sight. My heart deflated because I genuinely wanted to look at him again. Since the beginning of school, not once did I get the courage to walk up to him and introduce myself. I thought it would be embarrassing. I mean, why would anyone like me? I was hideous, I was not the type of girl anyone could be attracted to.
While he fixed the computer, I stared subtly beneath the cover of my hair, looking to see if he noticed me. Each time I looked through the strands, I never saw him look my way. Not once, so I thought he wasn’t interested. No one was ever interested in me. It didn’t stop me from thinking about the unknown computer guy though.
“Did you hear about the act last night?” a blonde hair girl asked her friend.
We were undressing from our physical education clothes back into our everyday clothes when I overheard murmuring next to me. Who wouldn’t be curious about what happened with the act considering they seemed ready to share with the group?
“No, what?” the brown-haired girl asked.
I didn’t know any of their names. You’d think I would considering we had class together, but I wasn’t good with names. Now faces, I was pretty good with.
“This guy, Phoenix mentioned he was going to play one of the major roles in the upcoming play,” the blonde said, “I’m looking forward to it because last year he was amazing.”
“Really, so what happened?” the brown-haired girl said, shrugging her shoulders. “I knew he played most of the major roles, remember? Did something else happen or was something said that I don’t know about?”
The blonde replied, “Only that he usurped Danny. Danny was supposed to play the role, but apparently, Phoenix tried out last minute and the committee changed their minds about Danny.”
“Oh,” the brown-haired girl said, “that is news. I knew I heard something about Danny playing the major role but didn’t know Phoenix tried out. Do you think Danny’s pissed about the news?”
“I don’t think Phoenix cares. I mean, I wouldn’t considering it’s the last year he’ll be in high school. I’m happy about it. Phoenix is hot, and his acting skills are on point,” the blonde-haired girl swooned.
I quickly donned my clothing and left the locker room. I wasn’t sure who the girls were gossiping about and wasn’t interested. I had enough on my plate. I thought for sure, they would have something worth hearing. Not long after I sat on the bleaches to wait on the rest of the class, because they were still changing, the bell rung. I grabbed my items and headed out the gym door.
The hallway was filled with people milling about. Most of the students didn’t care about being late for the next class. I hated being late, because sometimes the teacher would target you and make you feel embarrassed for missing out on schoolwork. I did not like to be the center of attention, especially negative attention. Unfortunately, I knew I was going to be late today. The students seemed to be much slower getting to their next class. I had a feeling it was because it was a Friday, no one seemed to care due to the weekend arriving.
I was sandwiched between two tall teenage boys and had to quickly back out of the position before they crushed me in the hallway.
As soon as I escaped the tall boys, a voice called out from the right side of me. “Hey, you.”
I looked around, the brown strands of my hair slightly moving to give me enough sight to see who the person was talking to. I pointed at my chest as if indicating, who me? I stood stock-still unable to believe my eyes. It was the boy from class, the one I’d been hoping to see in the hallways. And he was talking to me by the way he nodded his head in agreement to my pointing. The air in my chest seemed to exit with one fell swoop.
What do I do?
The boy handed me the flyer he had been holding. “We’re looking to recruit some talent in the Arts Club. If you’re interested, don’t hesitate to walk up to one of us and let us know. Or you can always go to the Arts Club room and fill out the paperwork. Either way is fine with us.”
Instantly, my body deflated. That’s all he wanted was to recruit me into his club. Did I look like someone who would put everything all out on stage? I could barely escape the cover of my hair much less recite words and body language on stage. For one slight moment, I thought the boy wanted to know who I was. I thought he was a smidge interested, but I was sorely mistaken.
“No thanks,” I quickly stated. I took the opportunity of distraction and hurried away.
Tears threatened to escape, but I held strong. How could I be so naïve? Of course, he wasn’t interested. No one ever was. I probably sounded cold to the boy, but who cared. I needed to get out of the situation before I made a spectacle of myself and cried for how stupid I felt. My feelings always seemed to rule me, and I was beyond sick of it. I had to take control of the situation.
I honestly couldn’t wait for the day to end, just so there was only the memory of being talked to by the blonde-tipped guy. I headed quickly to Algebra, one of the worse classes of the day. I was happy when I found out it was the final one. We worked on problems that totally flew over my brain. No matter how much assistance I requested from my teacher; he would pretend not to notice if anyone needed help. I felt ignored and aggravated to be a part of that class. Like, you’re a teacher, you should be available to teach or so that’s what I thought.
No sooner had I thought about it, Algebra was over, and the day ended. I met April, my sister, at the double-doors of the school and then we left for the bus ride home. I was exhausted, I was ready to fall into my bed and read a good book that would whisk me away from reality.
Before everyone knew it, weeks were quickly passing by. October came and I’d just turned eighteen. My birthday sucked just as it did every year. We didn’t really celebrate, but that was usual. That same month I was told the school Homecoming and the town fair would be coming up.
I wasn’t into dating, nor did I want to go with anyone to the dance at the time. I still had a shit ton of insecurities. No special guy was paying any attention to me so I knew I wouldn’t get asked to the dance. Because of that, I decided I wouldn’t go even though deep down I knew I’d regret it. It was one of the dances that should be attended when in high school, it was well-known, and every student bought tickets to go.
I also realized that the longer I attended high school, the less I was teased about financial burdens or trivial things. The bullies sort of stuck to themselves as if they were preparing for their own futures. Life was much better, and I liked it that way. Yet the anger had built up and I was still terrible to people who’d rub me the wrong way in the halls or around me in general, not caring about my attitude when they did. It seemed that being picked on and bullied had changed who I was. I didn’t trust people easily.
It was on a cool October afternoon when Clarissa asked me to her house. I was excited because it’d been a few weeks since we had the chance to hang out. Some days, we’d go to the snowball stand, or just chill in her bedroom because there wasn’t much else to do. During the summer we’d attend the local baseball games. The small town we lived in was pretty much a dead town. Not much went on and when crap hit the fan, everyone knew about. But today, while we were listening to country music in Clarissa’s bedroom, I decided to sing along with the vocals.
Clarissa interrupted by asking, “Hey, did you know the fair was next weekend?”