Page 144 of One More Kiss

I stopped singing, “Yeah. I heard about it. I asked my mom and dad if we could go, but they don’t have the money,” I replied.

I shrugged my shoulders as a way to avoid feeling upset. This wasn’t the first time I wanted to attend something fun, and we didn’t have the funds to appear. I couldn’t be upset considering I wasn’t the only person left out of the fun. My siblings couldn’t afford to go either.

“It’s not like I wouldn’t help pay your way. It’ll be a blast,” Clarissa offered, placing her hand over mine.

I smiled, “I’m grateful, really, but I don’t like taking anyone else’s money. I feel wrong for doing it.”

She lifted one eyebrow, “I know that. But I’m offering this to you so that you can help me have fun. I don’t want to go alone. It’s also been a while since we got to hang out. I feel like I’m always working.”

It felt wrong even after Clarissa insisted I take the money to attend the fair with her. She seemed genuinely interested in me going and I didn’t want to upset her if I said no again. So I nodded my head in agreement.

Clarissa bounced on the bed in excitement, screaming, “I can’t wait for this weekend. It’s gonna be a blast!”

I laughed at her outburst. Her short brown hair swayed as she moved around, excitedly. The blonde highlights seemed to catch the light as the strands moved. Her hazel eyes twinkled with joy. The dread lifted as I saw her emotions clearly. She wanted me around and that made me happy.

Our time ended too soon, and before I knew it, I had walked all the way back home. Thankfully, Clarissa lived two blocks away and not ten. It wasn’t like my parents had the means to bring me back and forth to visit a friend.

Darkness coated the sky the moment I walked into the house and said, “I’m home.”

“Where’ve you been?” my mom questioned as she walked into the living room.

“I told you I was vising Clarissa today. I walked over there after school,” I said as I placed my schoolbag on the hook next to the door.

Her eyes seemed to light up with recognition. “That’s right. I forgot you mentioned going to visit her today. How’s she doing? Still working?”

“Yeah. She works a lot, which is why I barely get to see her,” I said. “By the way, she asked me to go to the fair with her this weekend. I told her I couldn’t, but she wanted to pay my way since she didn’t want to go alone. Do you think I can go with her?”

My mom seemed to think about what I asked. She grabbed the blanket from the couch, folded it and then draped it on the back.

“I don’t think it would be a bad thing. Does she understand we don’t have the money to pay your way, like at all?” Mom questioned. She seemed determined to make sure I knew I had no other funds.

“Yes. I told her so,” I assured.

Mom sighed and then said, “Look, I’m sorry we can’t provide more for you and your siblings. Your dad and I want to so much, but things are just tight right now.”

“I know,” I said, “It’s okay. Love you, Mom.”

Things were always tight, but I didn’t want to say that to her and make her upset. I knew my mom loved us and that she tried hard to care for us, but things were always this way. I needed out of the conversation and quickly before anything else was said. I didn’t want to have a heart-to-heart right now. I wanted to bathe and sleep, since school was tomorrow.

“I love you, too,” Mom replied before turning and going into the kitchen.

I fled the room as fast as I could. The bullet had been dodged. After my sister, Sally was finished using the bathroom, I took my chance. Ten minutes later, I was cozied up inside my blanket with my diary out. I had so much to write about and not much time. The minute my dad chose to knock on the door and scream for us to turn out the lights, I would have to be done writing. I hated when that happened, if I didn’t complete a sentence, I felt incomplete.

Like clockwork, every night, I recorded my days and nights talking to my friend. The diary I’d gotten at a young age was always there for me. Every time I wrote in it, I felt like I’d spilled my beans. I felt whole knowing I had myself to talk to.

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