Page 154 of One More Kiss

Tori

I RAISEDMY HAND TO ask the teacher a question. Mrs. Winters stopped what she was doing and asked, “Yes, Tori?”

“May I go sharpen my pencil?” I asked, hoping my ploy would work.

“Aren’t you supposed to be using a pen?” Mrs. Winters responded, clearly aggravated about my interruption.

“Yes, but I didn’t bring one today,” I quickly said, hoping she would believe me.

“Go ahead,” she agreed.

The pencil sharpener was attached to the wall right next to the row of computers, right where Phoenix was working. I needed a way to give him the note I wrote. As soon as I slipped past the last student’s desk, I walked to the back row and slid the note right next to Phoenix’s arms. He slid his arm and covered the note so that no one could see and take it away.

I felt daring, and a little sinful, because I’d never done anything like this before. This might not be naughty for some people, but to me this was way off the charts. I wasn’t one to seek attention or push myself onto someone else. There was something about Phoenix that pulled me in and made me want to be someone else. A woman who was confident and desirable to the man who was interested in her.

I sharpened the pencil, taking my good ‘ole time, and then headed back to my desk. As I walked by Phoenix, I caught a whiff of his cologne. He smelled perfect, a fruity scent as if he wore a specific type of cologne. I didn’t know many boys who wore cologne to school, but honestly, I haven’t really paid attention.

Reaching my desk, I scooted on the seat and started to complete my assignment. But I couldn’t concentrate because I heard the noise of paper crinkling. I looked up and saw Phoenix reading my note. He smiled and then opened up his backpack he had sitting on the floor beside him. He pulled out a notebook, a pen and started to write.

He had to be writing a note back to me. There wasn’t any reason not to believe he wouldn’t be, so I continued working as I waited for a note, but none came. I was disappointed because I thought for sure Phoenix would slip another letter on my desk. Maybe he didn’t like me after all. Maybe, I conjured all of this interest and excitement out of thin air. That was just my luck. Once again, I felt like there was no reason for anyone, let alone a handsome boy like Phoenix, to be interested in me.

I slumped into my seat and brooded for the rest of class, which wasn’t much longer. Two minutes later the bell rang, and I started to leave my desk. Before I could walk away, an arm grabbed my wrist.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Phoenix whispered.

He was so close that goosebumps trailed from my neck all the way down to my arms. I knew he could feel the reaction he caused by just his words. My face turned red as I was embarrassed by the way my body reacted. It seemed I was not immune to Phoenix’s charms.

I looked up at him. “I’m going to my next class.”

“Mind if I walk with you there?” he asked, tilting his head as if anticipating an answer.

Of course, I wanted him to walk with me. I wanted him to be around me every second of the day, but I couldn’t let him know that. I didn’t want to be a burden. I wanted to be intriguing, maybe a mystery to him. If he thought I had issues with my mind and body, then he might run as fast as he could away from the torture that was my mind.

But I simply said, “I don’t mind.”

I could’ve pushed him away. I could’ve showed him how shitty my self-esteem was, and how it would affect what little relationship we might or could have, but I was selfish. I wanted what Phoenix had to give, even if it didn’t last.

Why? It wasn’t just infatuation. It couldn’t be. Of the boyfriends I had, this was different, and we weren’t even dating. The feeling I had for Phoenix went way beyond that. I’m pretty sure it was love, which was scary because who could love me in return? I had so many flaws. I was imperfect.

This time as we walked, we didn’t talk much. It allowed my mind to run away with me, which I hated so much. When the mouth was speaking, the brain was running at full speed. I couldn’t stop my thoughts, and most were negative, trying to worm their way between the relationship I had with Phoenix. I fought hard to ground myself once again in his presence. I refuse to allow my mind to control me.

“This is it,” I said as we stopped in front of my next class.

Phoenix smiled. “Thanks for letting me walk with you. I probably shouldn’t stay since I was late for my previous class. See you later?”

“Yes. Of course,” I said.

I wasn’t sure if we would see each other later. It was surprising I got the chance to see him in English class. It was a pleasant surprise, though.

Phoenix gripped my hand and I thought for sure he would embrace it and hold it for a moment like he did every other time. This time, he didn’t, but he did slide a piece of paper inside my palm. My heart was beating rapidly as I realized he did write me a note. He just chose to give it to me later than I expected. Once again, I was foolish to think I was worthless and didn’t deserve his attention.

I observed his movements as he sauntered off to his next class. I wanted to walk with him, but that wasn’t possible. I needed to focus on my scholars, otherwise, I’d be stuck in my small town forever. That possibility used to terrify me, but not this time. I figured it was because my mind was solely focused on Phoenix.

I slipped inside the room right before the tardy bell sounded. I made it before many of the other students and relished in the silence for just a few moments. I also got the slight chance alone to read the note Phoenix had given me. I opened the paper, taking care not to tear it, and read what he had written.

Dearest blue eyes,

I hope it isn’t too late. Would you do me the honor of being my date for Homecoming? If so, give me the answer at lunch time. I’ll be waiting.

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