Page 167 of One More Kiss

I hummed a moment before answering, “I’m not sure. Honestly, I haven’t had many visitors to entertain. My brothers and sisters didn’t either. My parents always have a visitor but usually it was a close friend or family member. I doubt I could entertain you at my house. You’d probably get bored.”

Phoenix quickly shook his head as his lips opened in shock. “I would never get bored of you. Just being in your presence is enough to satisfy me.”

“Yeah, right,” I replied, fiddling my fingers as they rested on my lap.

“I’m starting to think you don’t believe me when I say I enjoy being with you. Do you honestly feel that way? Because I have to say, honesty is one of the things I cannot live without. I despise lies and I don’t sugarcoat things. If I don’t like you or don’t want to be with you, I’d tell you outright. This…” Phoenix motioned between him and me. “Right here is true and real. I feel a connection and I hope that you feel the same.”

My stomach dropped by his admission. Did I make him feel horrible by my lack of self-esteem? I knew deep down he was interested in me because he was always wanting to hang out, but I couldn’t keep the negative thoughts at bay. I didn’t want to push Phoenix away. That’s the absolute last thing I wanted. I also agree with his problem with liars. I hated someone who lied for their benefit, so I knew I had to tell the truth.

I breathed heavily before spilling out the words. “I understand your viewpoint on liars. I do not want to be on your bad side or have you think I’m not honest. I do, however, have a problem with self-esteem and self-image. Deep down I know you truly want to spend time with me, but sometimes, I can’t cease the negative thoughts. They’re always there. Sometimes I can combat them, and other times, I have difficulty processing why anyone would want to be with me.”

Tears pricked my eyes as I sniffed to keep everything at bay. I didn’t want to break apart and cry in front of Phoenix. I didn’t like weakness and that’s how I saw crying, a weakness.

Phoenix quickly pulled to the side of the road, even though we were right down the street from my house. “Hey. Don’t do that. Don’t cry. Geez. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I mean, I kind of knew you had issues with your self-esteem, so I didn’t mean to push you. I want you to know I’m passionate about our relationship. I haven’t been more confidant of something since I chose to help gather my band together years ago.”

I felt his hand clench mine before sliding his thumb repeatedly on my fingers. His eyes dimmed as if concerned about my thoughts and outburst. I huffed, and cleared my throat, trying to show some semblance of normalcy. I would try to put forth effort and push back the false pretense of fakeness in my mind so that we could have a good relationship.

Phoenix didn’t need my emotions to be haywire. He wasn’t like those people who teased me years ago. He was the person I never thought I could land. He was caring, and endearing, and showed he wanted me, even though I showed how imperfect I could be.

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