Page 186 of One More Kiss

Ryan

Her hesitation was adorable.She didn’t want to leave any more than I’d wanted her to go, but I’d come to this building with one thing in mind, and April did not need to bear witness to that. Her fingers were warm in mine even though I knew she was cold. I hadn’t asked for my jacket back, knowing I wouldn’t need it. Seeing her shift her weight back and forth from foot to foot as she stood outside the elevator, I couldn’t help but think that if this was how life was going to end, that I appreciated the kindness of a stranger before it happened.

I’d chosen the Cartwright Building because of the view; that hadn’t been a lie. It also was one of the tallest buildings in the area, and there was zero chance of something breaking my fall before I hit the ground. The balconies were on opposite sides of the building, meaning two had straight faces. When I’d left my house this morning and driven here, my plan had been to take the elevator to the roof, perch on the edge until the wind caught me, and then allow myself to end it all after soaring like an eagle.

The pain had become too much. I couldn’t bear another day. I’d gotten out of bed, mostly sober, showered, brushed my teeth, put on clean clothes, and then intended to end it all. I had it all planned out, and it would be fast and painless, exhilarating before it was nothing.

Then the elevator had stopped, and I noticed the shy little creature who’d clearly had as bad a day as I’d had months. She was timid, but God, was she stunning. Even with her wet hair matted to her head and the makeup that streaked her creamy complexion, I’d never seen anything more beautiful in my life. Even her pain was breathtaking. Agony recognized agony, and April knew the darkness I felt.

What she didn’t know was she was the light I hadn’t seen—ever.

And when she’d asked me what my favorite color was, instead of answering black, which had been true for most of my adult life, I told her yellow because that was the aura around her. It was blinding like the sun, hypnotizing like the moon, and infectious like a rainbow. She glowed like a halo, shined like a pot of gold, and glittered like a diamond.

I didn’t even know the girl’s last name, but I was grateful for her all the same. Her pain, listening to her, had pulled me out of my own trance just long enough to allow me to breathe, to function, not to feel the weight that sat on my chest all day, every day.

And her smile. Wow. I’d yet to see one that really took over her face, but the hints of the ones I’d gotten had damn near ripped my heart in two.

But when the elevator had started moving again, I knew it was all about to come to an end. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know that a woman who lived in the penthouse wasn’t going to be enamored by a man she’d met in an elevator. She didn’t know me. I had nothing to offer her that she clearly didn’t have herself—the penthouse was evidence of her wealth, as were the designer labels on her clothes and purse.

Nevertheless, there she stood, uncomfortable, shifting back and forth, and I couldn’t bring myself to let go of her fingers. Not yet.

“I have a balcony with a view that rivals the roof….”

I brushed my thumb across the top of her hand, wondering if she really meant what I thought she was implying. The yellow pulsed around her like a light bulb about to blow.

“Would you like to come in for a drink?” She bit her lip, and I wanted to tug it from between her teeth. A woman like April should never lack confidence.

It was a split second. The decision I had to make.

My future had been on the rooftop, but maybe my destiny was in the penthouse. There wasn’t time to debate the choice. I had to pick.

Life or death.

And in that moment, that tiny blip in the universe that mattered to no one but April and me, the kindness of a stranger had me picking the former over the latter.

Today it would be life.

I might be back here tomorrow, heading for the roof. It might be next week or next year, or maybe never. I didn’t know. The only thing I knew was that right now, I was picking the penthouse because someone who didn’t know me believed I was worth investing in.

* * *

Years later,when I look back on that day, I thank God for sending me the grieving angel who later became my wife and the mother of my children. To this day, I’ve never told her what I was in that building to do. It wouldn’t benefit her to know, and it hurts me to think about.

Had the power not gone out, had the elevator not stopped, had April’s brother not been buried that morning—I wouldn’t be here, and neither would my kids. It took both of us reaching rock bottom to find the top of the mountain. It also took April stepping out of her comfort zone, offering me her hand, and opening her heart to a man she’d never met.

She’ll never know that her smile and her kindness literally saved my life that day. All it takes is just one word, one gesture to literally give someone the hope to live for one more day. To hope for one more tomorrow.

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