Yet I felt doomed to live in this state forever. Ever since Chris had taken his own life, things had gotten worse and worse.
And now I was forced to snuff out the only bright spot in my existence.
I swiped through my phone dully. There had to be a game plan lurking somewhere in the cracks. I knew Axel had to be close. If he’d left NYC last night, he was probably due to arrive within the hour. And maybe that’s why I hadn’t slept last night, knowing that Axel grew closer with each passing second. Shrinking the distance between our hearts. Putting us within arm’s reach yet still an entire world away.
I looked at my phone without knowing what I even looked for. Axel would go to the old condo. He didn’t know that I’d moved. That had been by design.
I had no way to get to the condo myself. Randall wouldn’t take me—I didn’t need to ask to know that my father had already put that address on the forbidden list. And after what happened with my housekeeper, I could better imagine the ways my father kept tabs on me from every angle.
The vice I lived in grew tighter. Every passing day.
And it felt tighter than ever inside this beautiful home, infused with someone else’s taste and life.
In here, Cora Margulis didn’t matter. She was just a pawn in a bigger, more important game.
And the worst part was that I had chosen this. I wasn’t insane; I wasn’t unwell; there was no psychiatrist who could attest to my unfit mental state. I’d fucking chosen this, with my own brain and free will.
What have you gotten into?
I drew deep breaths as I stared at my coffee, searching for answers in the caramel color.
Axel is going to the condo.
How could I be there with him?
The idea formed less as a lightning strike and more as a glacial revelation. The doorbell app was still on my phone. Which meant that I could see him, at the very least.
My heart rate picked up as I swiped through screens. I pressed the icon, holding my breath.
The front porch of my old condo, peaceful and empty, filled the screen. I turned on the sound and could even hear the distant twitter of birds.
Holy shit.
I set my phone on its charging dock, and glued my eyes to the scene at my old place. I’d stand here all day and watch if I had to—anything for a glimpse of Axel. This was the worst goodbye I could have imagined for us. Not even in my worst nightmares had I foreseen this terrible conclusion.
I just hoped there was some way I could make things right for him someday. Make things right for me.
I drifted around my kitchen for the next hour, making juice and popping almonds, constantly listening for any sign of movement at the condo. A couple fake-outs put me on edge—a distant shout down the street, the shuffling feet of the mailman.
Seconds turned into hours, and I wanted to crawl out of my skin more with each tick of the clock. Axel had to be close. Where was he?
Another pot of coffee had just finished brewing when I heard the footsteps. The heavy breathing. The thud thud thud against the front door of my old condo.
“Cora. It’s me.” The rasp of Axel’s voice sent my coffee mug clattering to the floor. It broke into pieces at my feet, but I couldn’t look away from the screen on my phone.
“Cora!” He knocked again, harder. “Cora, I’m here.”
Silent seconds trudged by, and he propped the palms of his hands against my front door. “Cora. Please.” He pounded the door three more times.
Axel shook his head, raking his fingers through the messy length of his hair. He propped his hands on his hips, looking back toward the street, which allowed me a glimpse of his face.
Oh, how stressed he looked. How drawn and sagging and empty. I swallowed back a wave of nausea—too familiar to me at this point—as I absorbed the physical effects of what I’d done to this man. To my man. The man I supposedly loved more than anything or anyone in the world.
There was no one living I loved more.
But in a twisted way, me hurting him would benefit him. He would dodge the wrath of Allan Margulis. Axel thought my father’s opinion didn’t matter, but he was wrong. There was no escaping my father when he was determined to make good on his word.
His promise to ruin Axel scared the living fuck out of me.