Page 342 of One More Kiss

Jules

I standin the middle of the small living room and survey the space that will be my home for the next few weeks. It isn't large or fancy, but it’s clean and neatly furnished. Looking at the opposite wall, I can see the blue of the Atlantic Ocean through the French doors. I make my way over and pull open the doors. The sun is setting, but there’s still plenty of light left for me to see the beach stretching out in either direction. My lips curl into a smile as I breathe deeply, inhaling the scent of salt air. It’s been far too long since I’ve seen the ocean.

I’ve always loved the beach. Looking back on my childhood, there are very few memories that don't include the sound of waves crashing or the feel of sand between my toes. Standing in the open doorway, looking out at the vast blue of the ocean, I can’t understand how I’ve gone so long without it. I lean back and turn my face to the sky, letting my eyes slide closed as I relish the last rays of the setting sun on my skin. The wind tugs at my hair and I reach up to pull it free of its ponytail holder. The wind immediately whips the mass of curls into a frenzy.

Brushing it is going to be nearly impossible later, but right now I need this. I need the sound of the waves in my ears, the warmth of the dying sun on my skin and the ocean wind whipping at my hair. Unbidden, a laugh escapes me. It takes me a moment to recognize the feeling for what it is. I might be standing on the porch of a rented beach cabin, but somewhere deep inside, I know I’m home. My laughter dies slowly, but the smile remains on my face. I open my eyes to face the expanse of golden sand spread out before me.

I know I should unpack. I should find a grocery store and stock the refrigerator. This town has changed so much in the eleven years since I left. I’m not sure I even know where to find a grocery store these days. I also need to make sure there’s a coffee maker for the morning. But right now, I can’t make myself care about any of that. What I need is to feel the sand under my feet and the cool waves crashing around my ankles. I close the cabin door behind me and walk down the porch steps to the beach below. As my feet sink into the soft sand, I slip out of my sandals and leave them at the bottom of the steps. Making my way slowly toward the water, I study the sand as I walk, committing each tiny shell to memory. I feel something inside me begin to crack and loosen as I near the water.

The past year hasn’t been easy for me. In fact, it’s been one of the worst years of my life. After my husband surprised me with divorce papers and a pregnant fiancé, I’d been lost. I’d been angry and hurt and scared. Our marriage had been a happy one, or so I’d thought. Jared had loved me, and I’d loved him. We’d built a life together. Things weren’t perfect, but perfect is an illusion. No one has perfect. I’d been content with my life. I had a good career, was married to a good man that I cared for and respected and we had a nice house in a good neighborhood. Isn’t that what everyone is looking for?

It had been a complete shock to find out that Jared hadn’t cared as much for me and our marriage as I’d thought. Even more shocking had been the realization that I didn’t feel the devastation I should have felt. Sure, I’d been angry. I’d been shocked and my feelings had been hurt. But I was not heartbroken. For some reason, that’s the thing that bothers me most about my divorce. What’s so wrong with me that losing the man I spent years building a life with doesn’t bother me all that much? Is there something inside me that just isn’t capable of that depth of emotion? I should be heartbroken and devastated. Instead, I just feel relieved. Relieved and numb.

In truth, it’s that question that brought me back here after eleven years. After the dust had settled and the ink had dried on the divorce papers, I’d been a little lost. I didn’t want to stay in the house I’d lived in with Jared. I didn’t want to keep going to work every day and pretending nothing had changed while fielding the pitying looks from my so-called friends. So, I decided to make some changes. After selling the house, I’d had plenty of money to take some time off from work. Officially, I’d taken a leave of absence from my job. But deep down, I know I can’t go back there. Which left me with the question of where exactly I should go. When I finally sat down and let myself imagine the perfect place; the place with the best chance to make me happy, only one place had come to mind. The tiny beach town from my childhood had popped into my head. Seagrove.

My last truly happy, carefree moments had been here in this town. With Cole Parker. I’m not stupid. Being seventeen years old had obviously contributed to the feeling of being happy and carefree. Most people are happy and carefree at seventeen years old. But I can’t help but wonder if there’s something more to it. Maybe this quiet little town by the ocean had something to do with it. I know Cole certainly had. He’d made me happy in a way no one has since, not even the man I married. We’d spent so much time together that most of my memories of this town are wrapped up in memories of him. It's hard to separate the two. But he isn’t why I’m here. Cole is long gone and whatever we’d once had together is long buried. Any hope I’d had for Cole and me to rekindle our high school love had ended that day on his father’s front porch. I’m not here for Cole Parker. I’m here for myself. I don’t know exactly what I hope to find in this town. I just know something is missing in my life, and this is as good a place as any to start looking for it.

I stop at the waterline and wait for the waves to roll in, loving the feel of the cool water rushing around my feet and ankles. A smile curls my lips, and I close my eyes, allowing myself to just feel for a moment. The ocean has always called to a piece of my soul like no other place ever has. Without warning, my eyes prick and fill with tears. I swallow against the painful lump in my throat, biting back a sob. Opening my eyes, I look out at the ocean, my vision now blurred by the tears spilling onto my cheeks.

“I’m home,” I whisper to the wind.

I stand there, letting the incoming tide swirl around my legs until the sun finally disappears below the tops of the buildings behind me. I finally sigh and turn back toward the cabin, feeling just a bit lighter than I had when I arrived. I head back inside and make a quick survey of the kitchen, deciding that a trip to the store can wait until morning. My stomach growls, reminding me that I’d driven straight through lunch, intent on getting here before nightfall. I remember seeing a couple of restaurants within walking distance, so I quickly change into fresh clothes and a pair of flip flops and pile my tangled hair into a messy bun before heading out in search of food.

When I walk out the front door of the little cabin, my attention is immediately drawn to the building across the street. The parking lot is filled with vehicles and the brightly lit sign out front catches my eye.

“The Watering Hole,” I mutter, reading the sign aloud. “Food, drink and fun.”

I can’t remember what the building had been used for when I’d lived here before, but I know there hadn’t been any restaurants in this area. Whoever renovated the old building had done a great job. Eyes narrowed; I consider my options. Looking down the street in both directions, I can see that there’s a 24-hour diner known for its waffles and a couple of fast-food establishments that don’t sound all that appealing right now. With a shrug, I decide to go with the nearest option. I could use some food, drink and fun, I think. Besides, I think I’d rather try a local restaurant than a chain.

“Watering Hole it is,” I whisper, wondering why I’m still talking to myself. Get your shit together, Jules, I think as I make my way across the street.

As I get closer to the building, I can hear laughter and conversation, as well as music. I feel a mix of nerves and excitement course through me. This is the kind of place Jared would have hated. He never would have eaten at a place like this. He’d have considered it beneath him if it didn’t have a dress code of at least collared shirts. I pull open the door, head held high. Screw Jared. I’m going to have a wonderful dinner and enjoy myself, even if I’ve got to be alone to do it.

The restaurant isn’t as crowded as the parking lot made it seem. A little over half the tables are filled with patrons. I see servers moving throughout the room and a massive horseshoe-shaped bar at the back of the dining room. To the right is a stage, but it’s empty tonight. Instead, the low music is being piped through speakers overhead. The entire back wall is made of windows that overlook the marina.

I realize as I follow the hostess to a table near the bar that I was right. This is exactly the kind of place Jared would never set foot in. I immediately love it. There’s nothing overly special about it. It could be a waterside restaurant in any other beachside town. But there’s something about being here tonight that’s comforting. Maybe it’s just being back in Seagrove that’s making everything feel more meaningful than it is. Or maybe it’s the fact that I’m choosing things I want now rather than basing my decisions on other people’s opinions. I don’t know. Either way, I intend to relax and enjoy myself tonight, no matter what.

The hostess leaves me with a dinner menu as well as a happy hour menu, along with a reminder that there’s still a half hour left before it ends. I smile my thanks and read over the happy hour options. It’s a small menu with several appetizer options and drink specials. It’s not much different from happy hour at any other restaurant, except for the names of the drinks. I feel a smile tug at the corner of my mouth when I read the description for a drink called ‘Sand in the Crack’. Apparently, it’s a spin on the classic ‘Sex on the Beach’, but a bit stronger. It sounds delicious, if a little sweet for my tastes. I skim the rest of the menu, chuckling over names like ‘Dances with Wenches’ and ‘Redneck Ingenuity’. I think I’d like to talk to whoever came up with these names.

When the server returns, I order a margarita and the fish tacos and go back to people-watching. It’s always been one of my favorite things to do. I like to make up stories in my head about what they’re doing or what they’re talking about. It used to drive Jared crazy when I’d try to get him to play along. It’s just another reminder of all the ways we weren’t compatible. He was always so practical, refusing to give into anything remotely whimsical. No wonder I felt so stifled for all those years. I sip my margarita as my mind wanders, letting the icy concoction pull me away from thoughts of Jared and the past.

“Jules?”

The sound of someone calling my name in this place is a shock, but I turn automatically to see who’s speaking. When my gaze lands on a tall blonde woman wearing a shocked expression, I just stare. It takes me a few seconds to place the woman’s face. A shocked smile spreads over my face.

“Anna?”

She grins widely as she looks me up and down in surprise. She nods. “It’s so good to see you!”

Then I’m off the chair and she’s pulling me in for a hug. I don’t know why I’m so shocked to see Anna here. In a town this small, it makes sense that I would run into someone from my past. I guess I’d just been so distracted wondering if I’d run into Cole that I hadn’t given my other high school friends a lot of thought. But seeing Anna here tonight has something inside me squeezing almost painfully.

I haven’t had many friends over the past several years. All my friends were the wives of Jared’s friends or coworkers. Which means they weren’t my friends at all, really. I can’t remember the last time I felt truly close to another person enough to trust them.

“I can’t believe you’re here!” she squeals with a laugh as we pull apart.

I smile and look her over. She’s still gorgeous. Tall and curvy with long, blonde hair falling down her back in waves. Her skin is lightly tanned, making her ice-blue eyes stand out even more. In other words, the opposite of me.

“It’s so good to see you,” I say with a smile.

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