Page 350 of One More Kiss

Jules

By the timeAnna and I finish off the first pitcher of mimosas, I’ve gone past sadness straight into anger. Who does Cole Parker think he is to treat me that way? I’ve done nothing to him. I haven’t even seen him in over a decade.

“What the hell is his problem?” I ask, though I know Anna doesn’t have the answer. “You’d think he could be civil after all these years, but no! He’s got to go and be an ass instead.” I finish off the rest of my drink and reach for the pitcher.

“I mean, the statute of limitations has passed by now, right?” I ask. “What happened, happened. We can’t change it, so he needs to learn to live with it. I know I did.”

I trail off as memories of the past threaten to swamp me. My anger deflates like a sad balloon, and I let out a sigh.

“Jules, what did happen?” Anna asks. “Back in high school. Why did you move away like that?”

I shake my head. “It seems so ridiculous now,” I say. “Such an overreaction. I mean, it seemed that way back then, too. But now that I have some perspective, I can see how ridiculous it all was.”

I look up to meet Anna’s gaze. “We had a pregnancy scare. It was just a scare. But we were both so young. We were terrified. Cole was great. He was so supportive. He told me he’d stand by whatever I decided to do. It was kind of sweet, actually. Seeing that side of him.”

I smile at the memory of his earnest expression, the way he’d held me. He was just as afraid as I was, but he’d been strong for me when I’d needed him to be.

“The test was negative, and I got my period 3 days later. Thankfully. No way were we ready to make that kind of decision about whether to have a baby. But somehow my mom found out about it. I guess I didn’t hide the test as well as I thought when I took out the trash. I don’t know. But she told my dad. They both freaked out, of course. They wanted to get me away from the "bad influence". They blamed Cole for corrupting me, for taking advantage of me. They said so many terrible things. About me. About Cole. None of them were true. But I didn’t stand up for him. I thought they’d get it out of their system and things would blow over. I’d be grounded until graduation or something. I never thought they’d go as far as they did.”

I shrug like it’s no big deal, but the truth is that the guilt has been eating me for the past eleven years.

"You were just a kid." Anna says softly.

"I could have tried harder to defend him. Maybe I could have made them see that he wasn't what they thought he was.” I shake my head.

“But I was too afraid to rock the boat. I didn't want to upset them even more. I hoped they'd calm down eventually and see that they were overreacting. We were nearly 18. We were in love. Hell, I’d loved Cole since I was 12, and they both knew it. Was it so much of a shock that we had sex?”

I shake my head. “But none of it mattered. The next thing I knew, they told me we were moving. They wouldn't even let me say goodbye to Cole. That was when I knew that I wasn’t going to change their minds. I also knew that nothing I could do was going to make it worse, so I snuck out of the house one night and went to Cole. I told him everything. He held me while I cried. He begged me to run away with him. But I was scared. I knew how hard it would be. Two kids on their own with no help, no jobs, no car. We wouldn't have made it a month on our own. And I knew we wouldn’t get any help from either of our parents. So, I turned him down. I promised him I'd come back as soon as I could. He promised me he'd be here waiting for me. But when I came back, he was gone."

Anna puts a hand on my arm, giving it a squeeze. "You know none of that is your fault, right? You two were so young."

I nod. I know the facts. I know how young we both were. I know how overbearing my parents were, and still are. I know that what happened was out of my control. But I also know I could have done more. I look back at that scared teenager, and I don't recognize her. I spent so long living my life for other people, trying to please everyone else. I've always considered everyone else's needs and wants before my own. I've always worried about what people might think. I feel like such an idiot now, looking back at it.

Divorcing Jared was the first big thing I did that was for my own benefit. My parents had even tried to talk me out of it. My mother told me that all men stray and it's normal. It’s okay, so long as it's discreet. I'm not sure knocking up the other woman counts as discreet, but I'd just let her talk. When she'd finally finished, I'd looked at her and calmly told her that I didn't care what she thought or how normal infidelity might seem to her. I would not stay married to a cheating piece of shit. She'd scolded me for my language. That had been the first sign I'd seen that she was upset about anything at all. Jared's cheating hadn't bothered her. What had bothered her was me saying a word she didn't approve of.

So, I'd stood up from my chair in the middle of her favorite restaurant and flipped her the bird. With both hands. "Fuck my language, Mother," I'd said with a smile. Then I'd calmly walked out of the restaurant, ignoring the stares of all the rich assholes watching me go. That had been the first step in my rebellion campaign.

After that day, I told myself that I was done doing things just because other people wanted me to or expected it of me. I was going to do what was best for me from now on. So, I’d gone through with the divorce. Then I’d sold the house and luxury car I’d been granted in the settlement and bought myself a five-year-old Jeep. Deciding to come back to this town had been harder than telling my mother off, but as soon as I made the decision, I’d known it was the right one. Coming back here had been necessary, I think. Seeing Cole might not have gone the way I’d hoped, but there’s no doubt that it’s been a therapeutic experience. What it all means, I don’t know. But it’s a good story to tell my therapist when we have our video session next week.

“What are you going to do now?” Anna asks as she refills my glass.

I’m feeling pleasantly buzzed from the drinks and I’m still annoyed enough by Cole’s behavior that I don’t bother to moderate my words.

“Whatever I want,” I say. “Cole Parker doesn’t own this town. I’m not going to let his shitty attitude make me cut my trip short. I came here to figure out my own life and that’s what I intend to do. He can fuck right off.”

I’m aware that I’m swearing more than usual. And that my words aren’t coming out quite as smooth as they’d sounded in my head. But Anna doesn’t seem to notice. Possibly because she’s had as much to drink as I have this morning. Even with the addition of crepes, bacon and fresh fruit, the alcohol is hitting us hard. It’s probably due to all that standing around in the hot sun while the runners had finished up the 5K. That’s my theory, anyway.

“Good for you!” Anna shouts, raising her glass in a toast. “You’re a strong, independent woman and you don’t need no man to tell you how to feel.”

“Damned right!” I say, touching my glass to hers.

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