Page 356 of One More Kiss

Cole

It’s notuntil I’m standing in front of the closed door to Jules’ cabin, my stomach in knots, that I realize I have absolutely no idea what I’m going to say to her. I just know that Deac was right. I need to fix this. Jules doesn’t deserve my anger and hostility any more than Deac and Anna do. She didn’t do anything wrong. Her return stirred up a lot of old issues in me surrounding that time in my life. But she isn’t any more to blame for the way things went down than I am. The only difference is that she seems to be able to see that whereas I’ve been an idiot.

The door opens before I can work up the nerve to knock. Jules stands in the partially open doorway waiting for me to say something. After a moment, she sighs.

“What do you want?”

She looks so tired and defeated that it nearly breaks me. She’d been so full of life earlier when she’d been dancing with Deac at The Hole. She’d been full of fire and anger when she’d followed me out to the parking lot. Now, she just looks broken and lost. Did I do this to her?

“I want to talk to you,” I say.

She doesn’t budge. “Cole, I’m tired. Exhausted, actually. I don’t have the energy to fight with you again tonight. You made it clear that you don’t want me around. So, let’s just leave it at that.”

Of course, she thinks I don’t want her around. I can’t blame her for thinking that. I haven’t given her any reason to think differently. I’ve treated her like shit at every opportunity. From that first day on the beach when she’d given me that tentative smile and I’d talked down to her like she was beneath me somehow. Every time I’ve been around her, I’ve acted like a complete asshole. I’ve shown her nothing but anger and scorn. I wanted her to think I didn’t want her around. Hell, I wanted to believe it myself. It was easier than facing the truth. The truth is that I’ve never forgotten the way her eyes shine when she laughs, the curve of her lips when she smiles or the perfect way she fits in my arms. I’ve spent the last eleven years trying to erase the memories of a person I knew was gone for good. But that’s not true anymore.

Jules is back. She’s standing right in front of me. And now I need to face the fact that I’ve been wrong about her for all these years. I’ve been holding onto an anger that I used to push away the sadness of losing her. It was easier to hate her than it was to admit that I never stop missing her.

“Jules.” Her name is a harsh whisper in the air between us. “I missed you.”

I watch her face soften as she takes in my words. As she realizes that I’m showing her something other than anger for the first time since she came back. Her expression is still wary, though. It’s as if she doesn’t trust me. I can’t blame her for that.

“I don’t know what to say,” I admit. “I’ve been an idiot.”

She nods. “Yep.”

I almost smile at her tone, but my heart is in my throat and I’m too afraid I’ll make things worse somehow. I want to tell her how much her leaving hurt and how much I missed her. I want to say so many things, but in the end, I can only manage one.

“I’m sorry.”

I open my mouth to say something else. Anything else. But the words won’t come. I blow out a breath and close my mouth, hoping she can see in my eyes all the things I wish I knew how to say. We stand there like that for several long moments, the twilight around us edging closer to night. I watch as Jules’ shoulders relax some of their tension.

“I missed you, too,” she whispers.

I feel her hand reach out and brush against mine. Whatever force had been holding us so still vanishes with that single touch. I lean in and close the distance between us, moving slow enough to give her time to object. But she doesn’t. My lips claim hers as the first of the fireworks light up the darkening sky. I bring my arms around her, pulling her against me as her lips part against mine. Holding Jules in my arms is so familiar that my heart aches with relief and something like hope. Feeling her warm body pressed against me, her arms around my neck, her lips on mine; it’s like finally coming home. This is what I’ve missed for so many years.

The thundering boom of the fireworks overhead compete with the pounding of my own heart as Jules breaks the kiss and looks up at me. Her eyes are filled with wonder and confusion. I can’t help but notice that she also looks wary. I can’t say I blame her. I’ve given her no reason to believe I’m anything but a bastard.

I bring one hand up to cradle her cheek, my thumb stroking the soft skin near the corner of her mouth, right where that adorable dimple used to show up whenever I’d say something silly to make her laugh. But I’m not trying for humor tonight. I need to make sure she understands exactly what I’m feeling right now.

“I’m sorry,” I say again. “I should have talked to you weeks ago. I should have walked over here that first day when I saw you pulling your bags out of the Jeep. But I was angry and hurt and scared. And I let all that get in the way of what’s real and right.”

Jules sucks in a breath. “You saw me that night?”

I nod, my mouth curving into a smile. “I think my heart stopped when I realized it was you. Part of me was so happy to see you again. I wanted to walk over and pull you into my arms.”

I stroke a hand lazily up and down her back, relishing the fact that I can touch her like this. “But I’d spent so many years pushing away all the happy memories we had. It made it easier to keep going. It was easier to hate you than to miss you.”

I can see the understanding in her eyes as she looks up at me. Her hand slides between us, smoothing a path up over my chest to rest over my heart.

“You don’t have to miss me anymore,” she says. “I’m right here.”

Another firework explodes overhead, lighting up Jules’ face and making me remember that we’re still standing in her open doorway. I take a step forward as Jules takes a step backward, pulling me inside. I use my foot to nudge the door closed behind me. The fireworks are still exploding overhead, but they’re slightly muted now that we’re inside.

“I forgot how beautiful you are,” I whisper reverently.

Jules sucks in a breath and blows it out as if steeling herself for something. “Cole?” she says.

“Yeah?”

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