“Pepperoni, mushrooms, and eggplant?”
I think I just had an orgasm. He’s making this not jumping him thing impossibly hard.
“Yes. How did you remember?”
It’s been a year. And I don’t even remember ever saying that about pizza being my favorite food in front of him.
We pull up to a stoplight and he takes out his phone, ordering up the pizza, I presume, while ignoring me. The second that’s done, and the light turns green, and we continue on, he murmurs, “There isn’t a whole lot about you that I’ve forgotten.”
And just like that, a fleet of drunken butterflies take flight in my belly, swooping up through my chest. There is so much I want to say about that. To ask. So many things I’m curious about. But he said guest room. And made it pretty damn clear this night wasn’t going to be anything more than making sure I’m safe. Which I think I am at this point if Jason got the message, but whatever.
No harm in having dinner with Silas and then going home. A girl’s gotta eat.
Silence descends upon us, a little tense after that admission, but instead of asking him one of the million things bouncing through my mind, I go with the obvious. Not that it’s boring, just basic. Safe. “How’s Knox doing? He must be getting so big.”
As with any time Knox’s name is brought up, Silas’s face lights up. Not something he’s known for, but those dimples pop and I can’t help but swoon just a little bit from that. Watching Silas with Knox used to make my ovaries explode. In fairness, Liam was incredible with him too—part of what endeared me to him. But there’s something about a single dad who loves his kid.
His eyes meet mine for a beat. “He’s great. In first grade now, which I still can’t believe. He’s in a typical classroom with a lot of services built in. Some days are rougher than others, but that’s just how it is for him. His classmates love him and are very protective.”
I shift some more, leaning onto the console so I can be a little closer. “Does he have any friends he plays with?”
“Not so much outside of school. He’s still more comfortable with adults than other children. And his speech being so delayed makes it difficult sometimes. But hopefully all that will continue to improve. He’s getting speech and OT both in school and privately along with behavioral therapy and he’s come such a long way.”
“You’re an amazing dad. Knox is so lucky to have you,” I tell him because I’m not sure I ever have before, but it’s certainly something I’ve noticed. After tonight, I might not get another chance. Liam was a great uncle. Very close with Knox, but everything Silas does is for his son.
“Thank you. He’s a great kid, so it’s easy.”
I shake my head. “He is a great kid, but it’s not easy. You’re a great dad. I hope you know that.”
We approach another stoplight, and he turns to me, his intense gaze all over my face, making my heart rate pick up a few extra beats. Especially when he stares at my lips. And inches in ever so slightly. I do the same, drawn into him by some mystical magnetic pull I’m helpless against. I don’t know what’s happening between us. What this is. I just know I feel it from the roots of my hair to the tips of my toes and I don’t want it to stop.
His head tilts and mine goes in the opposite direction. His eyes flicker back and forth between my lips and my eyes, almost as if he’s checking with me and right before our lips meet a horn blasts from behind us. We jerk apart and Silas immediately hits the gas, driving us through the green light.
“Sorry,” he mumbles, and I hate that he just did that. Apologized for almost kissing me again.
My fingers knot in my lap, my eyes turning to the passenger window as I chew on my lip. I’m not going to say it’s fine or no big deal. I don’t want to brush it off. Even if he does, and that’s likely what’s for the best. We always had the buffer of Liam between us before, but now that all feels so far away.
Stupid really.
I’ve had the worst luck with men. Cheated on more times than I can count. Guys who were always a bit too immature or who wanted to have their cake and eat it too. Silas is different. I know that. He’s older, for one. More mature. A doctor and a single dad, he has no choice but to be. Not to mention, Liam would always be an issue. Given all that, it’s not like anything real could grow between us.
And I’m the type of woman who could catch feelings for Silas Atwood without even breaking a sweat.
So when he stops the car in front of the pizza place, telling me he’ll be right back, I spend the five minutes he’s gone convincing myself that I’m glad he didn’t kiss me. That I’m glad he mentioned the guest bedroom. That my plan is to have the pizza to be polite and take an Uber home after.
He’s silent as he gets back in the car, and I wonder if he’s regretting all of this. He could have so easily let me go when we were outside the bar. Now we’re stuck in some awkward version of too much chemistry, and we want to, but we can’t.
The rest of the drive goes by quickly and before long, we’re parking in his garage and entering his house through the kitchen. I’ve only been here a few times, but it’s exactly the same. Clean and bright and smells like Silas with hints of kid in random places. Toys scattered and plastic superhero cups in the drainboard and magnets on the refrigerator holding up pictures of Knox and Silas.
Silas sets the pizza down, pulling out plates and a bottle of wine, and I think I should go. I shouldn’t be here. But then he says, “I can’t decide which I’ll regret more. Kissing you again or not kissing you again.”
I pause, twisting to look at him from across the island. He’s watching me intently now, his tasks and our dinner all but forgotten. There is a question in his eyes with that statement. A yearning that burns him up, making my skin flush and my lips buzz with the memory of our kiss.
“Is that because you know it will turn into more than just kissing?”
Hooded brown eyes hold mine. “Is that what you want to happen? I kiss you again and it leads to more?”
I plant my hands on the island and lean in. “Yes. That’s what I want to happen.”