Page 379 of One More Kiss

He’s quiet again, breathing into the phone, and I continue home, unsure how to fill the silence. I could tell him that she asked about him. I could say a lot of things. Things like I was thinking of asking her out. And that I’ve always had a secret thing for her and how would he feel if I did that.

And I almost do it. I get so close when he asks, “Is she seeing anyone?”

“I didn’t ask.”

I didn’t, but I didn’t have to either. She’s seeing me now.

“Do you think I should call her?”

Fuck. Just fuck. What am I doing? Talking to him about her. Fucking her and being with her? I am a loathsome, selfish son of a bitch.

Furious, I run a hand through my hair and then grip the wheel, ready to tear it from my car as I weave in and out of traffic, anxious to be home. To kiss my son good night and lock myself in my bedroom where I can really chastise myself.

“I don’t know.” It’s the only answer I can give him. If I say no, he’ll ask why. If I say yes, I’m fucking setting myself up for a worse sort of heartache and pain. What if he does call and she does forgive him, and they get back together? I couldn’t stand that. I’d go out of my mind. Just the thought has me twisted up with sick, toxic jealousy.

“Something tells me she wouldn’t give me another shot after what I did to her. Not that I blame her.”

“Maybe not.” My breath comes out choppy. Flustered.

“You okay? You sound funny.”

I nearly laugh at that because no, I’m not okay. “Just a long shift. Long day.” Long life. All routine. And I’m not complaining. I love my son more than anything and I wouldn’t trade him for the world. But other than waking up, going to work, and being a dad, I have nothing else. Delaney breathed life back into me. Reawakened what had been dormant.

Almost forgotten and wholly unwanted.

Random, occasional, meaningless hookups was all I was doing. All I wanted or had time for after Ann and being a father.

But not now.

Now I’m starting to want it all.

“I’ll see you at the game,” I tell him before abruptly disconnecting the call. I’m unraveling at the seams. And there is no way this ends in anything other than total disaster.

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