Page 448 of One More Kiss

VADA

I findmyself chasing the white rabbit, as curious as the young Alice from Alice in Wonderland, only to be transported to a world other than my own. I’m falling down a never-ending rabbit hole as Ethan forces me to forget all the beliefs I had about casual sex.

He has me second-guessing everything and doesn’t even know it.

My eyes flutter open, and I watch him, watching me ride him. As I scratch my nails down his chest and let out moans loud enough the whole neighborhood can hear, I realize I’ve actually become the sex-crazed woman in my book. My body is fully his, in every sense, and with each thrust, I crumble to dust with him. The orgasm rocks and shakes me so greatly that it can’t be measured on the Richter scale.

As I float back to reality, I topple on top of him. Ethan’s lips trace mine, and I know by the soft look on his face, that he’ll unravel at any moment. His heavy breaths in my ear combined with long, deep movements have my body screaming out in protest, but the problem is I want more of him, all of him. Knowing this will all end when I leave for Chicago, I try to memorize every inch of him. With my legs wrapped tightly around his hips, he grabs my ass and lifts me slightly, controlling every deep thrust, giving me everything he is.

“Harder,” I whisper sinking on him, wanting him to rip me in two, so half of me can stay here while the other half returns home.

Without hesitation, he does exactly that.

“Fuck,” Ethan pants. “Vada,” he says one last time before his body seizes and finally relaxes. We briefly stay like that, the closest two human beings can possibly be, and oddly enough, it’s comforting. Ethan gives me a long, needy kiss before pulling away.

Once we’ve cleaned up and caught our breaths, he crawls into bed and pulls me into his arms. The moment is so intimate that my heart does a quick flutter, which slightly confuses me. Why am I feeling like this is becoming more than just sex? I wrap my arm around his waist as his fingers draw circles on my bare skin. I try really hard to push the thoughts away, but it’s like my mind wants to convince me that this feels different. It feels right. But it can’t. As I rest my head on his chest with his arms wrapped tight around me, I’m fighting an internal battle that I’m not sure I’ll win.

It’s just sex.I try repeating it over and over, but my heart betrays me.

Swallowing hard, I look up into his honey-colored eyes, and smile. “I could get used to this, E,” I admit, honestly, putting my heart out on the line.

As soon as the words leave my mouth, I regret them immediately. Ethan tenses and forces a smile, but I notice he’s uneasy. His eyes narrow, saying so much, but hiding secrets. I can’t tell if it’s anger or sadness or a combination of the both, and it confuses me. I want to pry and ask questions, but instead, I offer an apology. Saying anything at all was stupid, especially when he’s made it very clear that this is temporary and that he doesn’t do relationships. Honestly, I don’t know what I expected.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “That came out wrong,” is all I offer as an explanation. His heartbeat vibrates hard in his chest, and I feel like an idiot for saying those words aloud.

“Goodnight, Vada,” he whispers, leaning over and turning off the lamp next to the bed, then pulling me back into position. Ethan holds me tight as if he doesn’t want to let me go. I fall asleep in his arms, listening to the rhythmic beat of his heart.

* * *

I rollover and reach for Ethan, only to wake up to an empty, cold bed. There’s nothing but crumpled sheets and a blanket where his body was just hours ago. Still half-asleep, I sit up and look around the room, hoping to see him here still. My clothes are exactly where I left them last night, but Ethan’s aren’t. I didn’t realize waking up alone after a night like that would leave me feeling so empty. Instantly, my mind goes to a negative place, but I try not to allow my insecurities to get the best of me.

After I stretch, I head for the shower hoping it will relax my muscles and mind. It feels as if I did gymnastics all night, but I guess in a roundabout way I did. My body is definitely not used to this.

The water somewhat calms me and does exactly what I want, but I can’t help but think about my past and all the bad relationships I’ve experienced over the years. Trying as hard as I can, I push those thoughts away while I dry off and get dressed.

Once I feel somewhat normal again, I work up the courage to head over to Ethan’s just to make sure everything is okay. I mean, I know this is purely physical, and I shouldn’t be concerned, but I am. Last night as we were falling asleep after I said what I was thinking, he immediately tensed up. It wasn’t the first time my honesty has ruined a good moment and knowing me, I’m sure it won’t be the last.

As I walk down the path that leads to his house, I see Henry coming at me at a full sprint.

“Shit. Go away, Henry!” I scream and run toward the back door, somehow making it in before he can attack me.

I look out the window of the back door, and he’s standing there, looking straight into my eyes.

“You’re an asshole,” I say to him as he pecks around, agitating me.

I suck in a deep breath, turn around, and listen. The house is quiet, but coffee has been brewed, and there are dishes in the sink. I close my eyes tight and open them before I decide to make my way up the stairs. For some reason, my heart is pounding hard in my chest. My adrenaline spikes as I reach the second floor.

“Ethan?” I whisper and wait. I don’t hear anything, so I walk to his room and open the door. The bed is perfectly made, so I doubt he came back and went to sleep. Just as I’m turning to walk up the second set of stairs that lead to the tower, I notice the door I’ve never gone through is partially open. I’ve been in the bathroom, guestroom, and bedroom, so this room has me intrigued. Knowing I should walk past it and respect his privacy, curiosity gets the best of me. Instead, I stop, place my fingers around the wooden door and slightly push it open until I can peek inside.

My mouth goes dry when I see a light pink painted room with a dark wooden baby crib on one side. The walls are decorated with pictures and vinyl cut-outs of Eiffel Towers, and when I look at the wall above the crib, I notice wooden-painted letters spelling the word, Paris. A rocking chair sits in the corner facing the big bay window with a cute nightstand next to it. There’s a changing table and dresser on the other side. It’s obvious this is a nursery and a gorgeous one at that, but confusion ripples through me because I know Ethan doesn’t have a child.

“What the fuck are you doing?” an angry voice growls from behind and startles me.

I still and turn my body toward him. He moves around me, grabs the doorknob and slams the door shut.

“I’m sorry, I…” I begin, but I have no words to explain the reason why I opened that door other than being curious and wanting to know more about the man I’m sleeping with, but I know that’s not a good enough reason. Seeing him look at me now, I feel like complete shit for invading his privacy and exposing a secret he’s obviously been keeping.

“I think it’s time for you to go back to the cottage, Vada.” Ethan’s voice is monotonous and firm, which pierces straight through my heart. The man standing in front of me isn’t the same man I’ve come to know. The look in his eyes says everything his words don’t. He’s pissed. I try to reach out to him, but instead, he turns and walks to the stairs that lead to the tower without giving me a second glance.

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