Page 596 of One More Kiss

Chapter4

Kristee

We kiss for an insurmountable amount of time. Our tongues are sliding together before departing to trace each other’s teeth. Then, we press our lips together softly and sweetly only to get lost in each other once again.

Asher removes his lips from mine, breaking the kiss. I groan in protest at the loss of his lips. It ends on a moan as he trails them over my chin, up my cheekbone, across my closed eyelids, and settle on my forehead. His breathing is erratic as he says, “Kristee, this is wild. We just met, but I feel like I’ve known you forever. My soul seems to not only know yours, but I feel connected to you. Am I crazy?” He chuckles. “Well, I am crazy. But do you feel this? Am I imagining this bond?”

He’s not.

I feel it too.

How do I know this stranger so well? How is it possible that I already feel so much for someone I just met?

But is it real? Or is it just because we’re both legitimately mental?

Fuck it. Whatever it is. I like it.

Maybe that’s irresponsible. Maybe it’s a fluke.

But right now… I feel more alive than I’ve felt in a long time. And as crazy as this is, it makes me feel sane.

Leaning back, I angle my head so that I’m looking up at him as he stares down at me in wonder.

He just said he was crazy.

I’m crazy.

This is crazy.

But it does feel right.

“Asher, this is definitely crazy.” His brows draw together and his mouth parts, but I continue before he can say a word. “I do feel it. And I’m used to not feeling anything lately. It’s why I was at the river tonight…

“But I feel the same as you do. I feel like we’re connected. I feel like maybe we were supposed to meet tonight. Though it also feels like I’ve known you my whole life. It doesn’t make any sense. But I feel it, too.” I’m breathless as I get the words out.

His eyes flit between mine as we stare at each other. The rain continues to fall, pinging on the roof of the car above us as the thunder in the night sky shakes the ground and echoes with the roaring of my pulse.

Leaning his head against the head rest Asher sighs. “Kristee… I have Schizotypal Personality Disorder… and Oppositional Defiance Disorder. I want to be honest with you about that. My episodes are… intense. When I’m in one of my delusions, I know I’m in them. I know but I still fall victim to them. Even though I know that the reality I’m in at the time is distorted, it fucks with me. Bad.

“Some episodes are much worse than others. Meds help and I’ve learned ways to cope… My music is the main one. But I fight against the thoughts… all day, every day.

“I don’t know your demons, but I know you have them. And I want you to know what you’re getting involved with. Though it almost seems as though we’re already involved…”

He has ODD. And I think that other thing is a type of Schizophrenia, but I’m not sure.

He knows I have demons. He’s right about that. I do. But unlike him, mine are harder to fight. Especially alone.

Asher’s hand is on the console between us. Hesitantly, I reach out and cover it with mine. He jerks at the contact but doesn’t pull back. Swallowing, I take a deep breath. He told me his issues. It’s time to share mine. “Asher, I’m not one hundred percent sure what Schizotypal Personality Disorder is. I think it’s like Schizophrenia, and you mentioned delusions, but… is that what it means?”

He nods. “Yeah. I have delusions sometimes. My brain just confuses reality. The thing is, I know, or I can be made aware of the fact that I’m distorting things. But I can’t stop it.”

My fingers open, curving around his clenched fist. His hand starts to relax under mine before he turns it, weaving our fingers together. His lips twist wryly, and an answering smile covers my face. I sigh again, expelling all of the breath from my lungs. “I’m… bipolar. I have Bipolar 1. I’ll be perfectly fine, and then all of a sudden, I’m super manic. When the mania fades, I’m intensely depressed. I went through a very intense episode this week. The past two days, I’ve been drowning in depression.

“I––it’s always hard. But I’m alone. I have no family. I grew up in the system. I never had a permanent foster. People would take me in, but then I’d have an episode and I’d be sent right back to the group homes. No one wants to deal with my kind of crazy. The group homes had to. But even they would get rid of me as fast as they could. I was committed multiple times.

“When I aged out, I thought things would be different. I just wanted to be normal.” I laugh though there is no humor in the sound. “Yeah… normal. What a joke. I’d try to date. To have a normal life. But I’m not normal. The second the crazy would show, they’d drop me so fast, I’d get dizzy. So… I stopped trying. I would just go through the motions of day-to-day life. Eventually, I… disappeared. Or it feels like it.

“No one pays attention to me. Even at my job. I bet not one person actually knows my name. I have no friends because so many people dropped me that I just gave up…” My throat is tight as I confess all of my darkest secrets.

---