Page 856 of One More Kiss

My heart should burst with happiness. The relationship we have had over these seven days takes a lifetime for others to build.

How can I be happy, though?

How can I, when my happiness has an expiration?

How can I, when I feel so empty and bereft just thinking of not seeing him ever again?

My heart is heavy, and my chest is tight because in a few hours I’ll be saying goodbye to him. Already I’m breaking.

I never imagined that a trip to attend a two-day conference would change my life forever. Never imagined I’d meet the most wonderful man on this planet. That I’d fall so hard and so fast for someone in just a few days.

But I have. I really, really have.

Crazily.

Stupidly.

Rowan is everything I always wanted in my partner, and I’ve found him, but I can’t keep him.

His life is in Chicago, mine is in Hope Valley.

He travels around the world, constantly moving. My life is staying in one place.

His life is exciting, and mine is stagnant and lame.

Tears prick the back of my eyes, and emotions clog my throat.

I should leave. I’m all packed up, anyway. It won’t matter if I stay and say my prayers. Nothing good will come. I will still leave with a broken heart.

I can’t—won’t—ask him to stay, and I can’t just upend my life and go with him.

This is a mess. I’m a mess. And my life is about to get even messier, because I fucking couldn’t stop my heart from falling in love, from latching on to hope, only to get shattered today.

I should just take off without a goodbye, because I finally understand why people say goodbyes are hard.

It’s fucking torture. An affliction of greater misery. One I have to live with.

I won’t see him. Can’t touch him. I’ll miss his smile, his touch.

Just the thought of it sends shards of glass into my heart, wounding me slowly, painfully.

Oh, gods. I won’t have his arms to hold me, protect me, catch me.

Because I’m falling—down, down, down.

Bottomless.

Endless.

An abyss of misery and loneliness.

I don’t know how to get out of it. How to find the light, a tiny speck of it to lift myself up.

Why does it hurt so much?

Why?

Involuntarily, my hand makes its way up to my chest, rubbing the ache away, trying to console my weeping heart.

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