Page 900 of One More Kiss

Tate

I couldn’t believeI was here again, but I wasn’t one to back down.

The group leader, Brenda, walked into the room, putting me on high alert. “Today, I hoped we could talk about why we are all here.”

I felt like screaming, It’s only session two, but I didn’t think that would go over well. I’d dragged my feet a little at the idea of coming back, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that although session one had been uncomfortable, it was mostly painless. But as I’d just learned, that was only the tip of the iceberg. Apparently, in round two, we were expected to address all the elephants in the room.

“Does anyone want to volunteer to go first?” She sounded hopeful.

Let me think. Volunteer to talk about a death that solidified that I now had no one in my life who truly cared about me, thus making my chances of ever being a normal person completely obsolete? Yeah, hard pass.

“I’ll go.” Daniel’s voice broke through my thoughts, and my sarcastic monologue shut the hell up.

My eyes fell on him, but he wasn’t looking up. I took advantage and looked my fill. He wore a pair of fitted jeans, white Converse shoes, and a black hoodie. His beanie was slouched back on his head, all hipster style, and black thick-rimmed glasses sat on his nose. He had the nerdy and preppy look going all at the same time, I’d never been into either of them, but on Daniel, I was here for it.

I wasn’t one to think much about what I wore or how I looked, not that I would purposely look like shit, but today I took a little more care. I told myself it was to make me feel good, but as I sat in my chair, staring at Daniel, I knew the real reason. I had curled my shoulder-length, dirty-blond hair, put on a little more makeup than usual, and even carefully picked out an outfit that accentuated my boobs and butt.

Since it was his turn to talk, everyone gave him their full attention. I was listening, but I was staring for a whole different reason.

“So…” his words trailed off, and he looked up at me.

I gave him a reassuring smile, and he continued.

“My dad died a while back. It sucked because we were super close, and I never knew anything was wrong,” he said.

“What do you mean by wrong?” Brenda asked. “Was he sick?”

“Not physically.” Daniel swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing.

Brenda nodded. “Mentally?”

Jesus, woman, if the boy wanted to elaborate, he would.

“He killed himself.” His voice sounded flat, but I imagined it was so he could get out the words. I always found it easier myself to do the same.

The room got slightly louder as people shifted uncomfortably in their seats or soft sounds of empathy rose from the group. I think my heart stopped altogether.

Brenda continued to talk, and eventually, more group members shared, but I heard none of it. My eyes stayed on Daniel. I watched him tap his foot, clasp and unclasp his hands, and tense his jaw from time to time.

Suddenly, his eyes met mine. My face flushed, and I looked away, biting my lip.

“Would anyone else like to share?” Brenda asked.

I don’t know why I did it. Where it came from. Maybe it was the fact that Daniel had kind of stepped out on a ledge, and I didn’t think he should have to stand there alone. Maybe it was that somehow, I felt connected to him in a way I couldn’t quite understand. But I raised my hand.

“Tate. Yes. Go ahead.” She smiled sweetly over at me.

I cleared my throat and took a deep breath. “So um, I’m, I mean,” I was stuttering like an idiot because it suddenly occurred to me that not one of these people could understand the weight that the loss of Gran being gone had caused.

“Take your time; I know it’s hard. We all do.” Although Brenda annoyed me with her cliché sayings, she did have a soothing voice.

It’s not hard; it’s complicated,I wanted to say. Then I decided to just go for broke. They didn’t need to understand. “My grandma died in May of last year. We were very close. My mom sucked.” The words spilled out messily.

“Did your mother pass away, too?” Brenda asked.

I couldn’t help but think that was such an odd question. Did most people talk about their dead parents negatively and say things like “they sucked?”

My face went hot with everyone’s attention on me, and my eyes flashed to Daniel. It was his turn to hold the magnifying glass, and I felt bad for gawking at him the way I had.

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