Page 6 of Was I Ever Here

He isn’t even particularly attractive except for his blue eyes. And I’m pretty sure he’s shorter than my 5’11”. But anytime he’s on stage, I romanticize everything about him and become mesmerized.

I’m such an idiot. It was all part of the fantasy though wasn’t it? But this,thisis real life. Shitty fucks to make the time go by. But I’m addicted to every part of the thrill except the actual sex itself.

When he finally comes with a throaty sigh, I’m just glad it’s over. Glad I don’t have to touch or look at him ever again.

As soon as he pulls his limp dick out, I quickly tug my leggings back up, fling my shirt over my chest and run out the door before he can catch his breath.

When I reach the top floor, I squeeze myself through the crowd hoping no one can pick up the scent of the mediocre sex I just had. By the time I stumble outside, I’m already actively trying to forget this whole hook-up ever even happened.

I walk home under the drizzle of a rainy night sky, attempting to escape my gloomy thoughts with every soggy step I take.

I can’t do this anymore. I’m so sick of this. My twenties are chock full of one-night stands I can barely remember. And for what? For once in a while orgasms and empty promises? Now that I’m twenty-seven, it’s getting real old, real fast.

“Aren’t you tired of this?” River’s voice echoes in my ear, so clear it feels like she’s standing right next to me. I squeeze my eyes shut trying to chase away the gnawing feelings her words evoke and remind myself I’m alone. It’s only a figment of my imagination.

It’s not real. She isn’t here.

When I arrive home, I fling myself into the shower, barely removing my clothes in time before the hot water scolds my skin. I scrub myself clean from Hunter’s touch, the monumental let down of tonight only heightening the shame of what I just did.

When I finally crawl into bed, my eyes droop immediately, the alcohol still coursing through my veins wrapping itself nice and warm around me, lulling me into what is thankfully a dreamless sleep.

“I fucked that guitarist last night,” I admit reluctantly.

Lenix rolls over on her beach towel, her golden brown skin glimmering with suntan oil, and almost launches herself at me. “You did not!” she squawks, her face fixed into a half shocked and half curious expression. “Spill, right this second,” she says, poking me in the shoulder.

The public beach is crowded this time of day and the couple camped out beside us glances curiously our way while Lenix makes an unnecessary raucous.

I lay my arm over my face and groan into my elbow. “Be quiet, will you?” I whine. Why did I even bring it up? I would rather forget that I’ve even added Hunter to my body count. “It was…disappointing, to say the least,” I finally say, hiding behind my sunglasses trying to evade Lenix's inquisitive stare.

“Let me guess,” she says, playfully tapping her finger on her chin, lips in a pout seemingly deep in thought. “You made him into something he wasn’t and you were crushed when he didn’t meet the romanticized version of himself you spent weeks perfecting?”

Ouch.

“I wouldn’t say crushed…” I grumble.

“Classic Sunny,” she replies, giving me a small patronizing pat on the thigh.

“Wow. I really hate you, did you know that?” I say, glaring back at her, raising myself on my elbows to better give her the stink eye.

Lenix snickers and sends me a kiss with her glossy lips. “It’s actually the exact reason why you love me babes,” she answers as she finds the bottle of suntan oil and gives herself another generous lather, her black hair almost blue under the sun’s rays.

Lenix is one of the first friends I made when I moved to Noxport over a year ago. We both work at Sammies, me as a bartender and her as a waitress.

Our relationship might have started as a flirty fling but it didn’t take us long to realize we were better off as friends. Minus the benefits.

Besides, she is notoriously single and avoids commitment like the plague. We have that in common unfortunately.

Our past history has created a comfortable intimacy between us and she’s become the most important person in my life and the only one I trust in Noxport—or anywhere else really.

“So, are we going to have to find a new bar to drink at now that you’ll start avoiding yet another lackluster hookup?” she teases, smirking at me and I resist the urge to pinch her.

I hate how she knows me so well.

I roll my eyes. “I mean…maybe just for a few months. What’s the big deal?” I mumble, yet smiling at how ridiculous I sound and Lenix laughs, settling on her back, her knees raised up.

The afternoon sun is beating hard on us as I lay back down, sweat trickling down my stomach. I consider going in for a dip but lack the energy and decide to continue getting roasted by the rays like a heat-seeking lizard instead.

We fall silent after a while, taking in the relaxing afternoon until I feel my phone vibrate near my shoulder. I turn my head to take a peek at who’s bothering to text me.

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