Page 29 of These Monstrous Deeds

He’s notfinished.

Carter remains on the floor and cries his way through a myriad of overwhelming thoughts until he feels nothing but raw and empty. He lays there for a while after, just listening to the sound of his breathing. Then he forces himself to get up.

Returning to the bed with sir is one of the last things he wants to do, but Carter doesn’t want to get in trouble. Things are bad enough when he’s being good. Carter doesn’t want to find out what a punishment would be like.

After quietly cleaning up the bathroom, Carter turns off the light and unlocks the door. It makes a clicking sound that has Carter flinching, but it at least doesn’t creak when he opens it.

When Carter gets to his side of the bed, he freezes.

His heart stops.

Sir is awake.

The man is lying on his side, facing Carter’s empty space on the bed. Or, more accurately, facing the bathroom that Carter had just snuck out of. He doesn’t look sleepy, which means he’s probably been awake for a while.

Carter stands completely still, curling his hands into fists at his sides to hide that they’re shaking. Sir’s eyes flit over him. They linger on his collar. Then the man looks at Carter’s eyes.

“All done now?” sir asks softly, tilting his head.

Feeling on the verge of tears again, Carter clamps down on his bottom lip and slowly nods.

Sir sighs. Then he curls a finger. “Come here, sweetheart.”

Feeling sick to his stomach again, Carter climbs onto the bed and settles himself on his silky black and gold striped pillow. He lies on his side to face sir. When he sees his stuffed moose is between them, he hurries to grab it, holding it tight to his chest like it can protect him somehow. It’s the most absurd, childish thing, but it makes him feel better. That’s worth it to him.

Carter gasps when sir suddenly reaches an arm out and grabs him. The man tugs Carter across the silky sheets easily, not stopping until Carter’s head is tucked beneath sir’s chin. He smells good, hints of scotch overlaying something fresh and spicy beneath.

Carter’s fear melts away as he realizes the man isn’t going to hurt him or use him. He’s just…holdinghim.

Sir begins tracing the curve of Carter’s spine. It’s soothing, which blows Carter’s mind. He doesn’t understand this man.

He doesn’t understand anything anymore.

“I own you,” sir whispers in his ear. The words aren’t said cruelly. It’s just the man stating a fact. “You’ve lost all control. You exist for me now, sweetheart. That’s your purpose. There’s no reason to worry. No reason to lie awake all night afraid. You can’t control what happens to you anymore. You’re mine now. All mine. And I’m going to take care of you, I promise.”

Sir presses a kiss to his temple. It’s nice.

Carter hates that it’s nice.

“Just let go, sweetheart. Let everything go. Give it all to me.”

Carter closes his eyes, letting the words sink in. Sir is right. All of this worry and overanalyzing is stupid. It’s just Carter torturing himself. If Maison is going to save him, there’s nothing Carter can do to help. If sir is going to use him, there’s nothing Carter can do to stop it. Maybe in the future, the circumstances will change, but not right now. Now is the time to give into sir.

Keep calm. Breathe. Pay attention. Wait for your moment.

“That’s it,” sir coos, running a hand through Carter’s hair before returning to the bare skin of his back. “Good boy. Just relax, now. Give into it.”

With a full body shiver, Carter obeys. He releases everything and allows himself to relax for the first time in… a very long time. His body seems to thank him for it. It’s as if by letting go, he’s slammed straight into a wall. The exhaustion overtakes him, despite all the sleep he’s already gotten. He falls asleep to sir stroking his back, whispering things like, “Good boy,” and, “That’s it, sweetheart.”

It’s nice.

Pretend, of course.

Just an illusion.

A moment of peace before the storm.

But nice, all the same.

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