Page 79 of These Monstrous Deeds

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After a few more minutes of speaking with Todd in the hall, Nathan escorts him to the main door and wishes him a good night. The guard hasn’t even locked up before Nathan is turning on his heel, all but running to his office. Tonight went too far. Nathan let things go too far.

How the fuck was he supposed to know Todd Henley would decide to piss in Carter’s mouth?The bastard didn’t ask for permission. He just fucking did it.

And the awful things he had said to the poor boy…

Nathan can’t stop rewatching it all unfold in his mind. Every step brings a new flash – Carter crying, a purple cock pushing against a cage, puffy red nipples, Carter’s body crumpling to the floor, Carter’s expression when Todd spoke of Maison, the burst of panic when Carter first realized – Nathan closes his eyes, shaking his head.

He’ll never forgive himself.

All that matters is Carter now.

Nathan has to focus on Carter.

The apology Nathan had planned dies on his tongue when he enters his office to find Carter curled in a fetal position beside a puddle of vomit.

Carter’s eyes snap up to Nathan when he senses him. He pushes himself into an awful kneeling position and starts to shake his head frantically. He cries, “I’m sorry!” before dropping his head and succumbing to uncontrollable sobs. Nathan rushes forward, skirting around the vomit on the floor. There’s some on Carter too – a few drops on his knees, and a splotchy coating on his hands like he had tried to catch it.

“Christ,” Nathan whispers, feeling the sudden urge to join Carter in his puking and crying endeavors.

“I’m sorry!” Carter says again, though it’s barely discernible with how hard he’s sobbing. “I’m so sorry!”

"Shhh. No. Don't apologize. You're okay. It's okay." It doesn't seem as if Carter hears him, the boy just continuing to sob. "Sweetheart, you were so good for me. You made me so proud. This is - you'refine. I'm not mad, okay? I'm not mad."

Carter's crying slows, but it seems less to do with him feeling better and more to do with him going almost…empty. Every second that passes brings him out of his fit and into something blank. It's not long before he's gone quiet and still, his body barely trembling anymore. The boy stares straight ahead, no trace of emotion in his eyes. His breathing goes very slow and calm.

No. No. No. No. No.

This can't happen. He can't be broken. No.

Nathan quickly scoops Carter up, hating how lifeless the boy is in his arms as he carries him back to the bedroom. Carter continues staring straight ahead at nothing. He doesn’t speak or respond to Nathan, not even when he’s asked questions or offered praise. When Nathan asks if he’d like to bathe or shower, Carter just breathes. When Nathan removes his cock cage, he doesn’t even flinch. When Nathan tells him he’s so very good, he only blinks.

“Hey!” Nathan finally snaps, his panic getting the best of him. He grabs Carter’s cheeks with one hand and squeezes until their gazes lock. “You fucking answer me when I speak to you.”

After one slow blink, Carter responds in a robotic version of his voice. “Sorry, Master.”

Master.

What the fuck?

“Do you want a bath or a shower?”

There’s a pause. Then, “Alone, Master?”

Nathan shakes his head, giving the boy what he hopes is a comforting smile. He would never leave him alone right now. He knows how much Carter craves touch and affection, especially when he's upset. "Of course not, sweetheart. I'll join you in either."

"Oh." Carter drops his gaze just as Nathan catches a glimpse of emotion in his eyes. His voice comes out raspy as he whispers, "May I just sleep, Master?"

"You're covered in piss and vomit," Nathan states dumbly, feeling like he's going crazy.

"If it bothers you, Master, I can sleep in the cage instead." Carter looks at him through his lashes. "I wouldn't want to ruin the sheets."

Nathan's heart begins to pound, his hands trembling as he carefully removes them from Carter's body. He takes a step back as realization strangles him. Carter is willing to sleep all night covered in piss and vomit inside an uncomfortable cage just to be away from Nathan.

Nathan endured a wide variety of training before being posted in this job, and he’s seen a decent amount of action as Nathan Roarke. He’s been shot. Stabbed. Cut. Electrocuted. Broken. Waterboarded.

But Nathan swears, he has never felt anything worse than this moment.

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