Page 5 of To Hate You

“It’s so much more than just missing him.” I glanced down as I twirled my thumbs nervously on my lap. For a second, I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell Silas that I was pregnant, and that Noah was the father. Silas and I didn’t have the kind of relationship Spencer and I had, but somehow the thought of telling him seemed easier than telling Spencer.

But I hated the thought of either of them looking at me with disappointment etched on their faces. And besides, how was I supposed to talk about it when it didn’t even feel fucking real?

“I know it’s hard,” Silas said next to me. “And it sucks. But you at least have to try to take back your life, no matter how shitty it feels.”

I glanced at him, appreciating him trying to be serious and supportive in a non-asshole way.

Silas turned onto the highway and sped up. My thoughts were a jumbled mess which all led to the pale pink lines on the stick I had hidden in my drawer. Everything changed once more, just like it did the morning Noah upped and left, leaving behind a letter that carved out my heart.

Dear Sienna,

Me hurting you was inevitable, and I’ll never forgive myself for not stopping it from happening.

I’m sorry.

I’m so fucking sorry.

Noah.

That morning I didn’t think things could get any worse. I rushed down the stairs biting back tears because there was this flicker of hope that he’d be there, in the cottage waiting for me to barge in and realize that he had just pulled the world’s worst fucking joke on me.

But the moment I set foot in that cottage, all hope died instantly. I didn’t have to go further in than the living room to know that he was no longer there.

His smell, his presence, the white-hot passion we shared, which always seemed to seep through the fucking walls...it was gone. Like it was never there in the first place.

The last thing I remembered was collapsing to the floor as sobs tore from my lungs. It hurt. It ached. It felt like someone had ripped my heart from my chest and turned it inside out so it could bleed out faster. Time no longer existed. It was only pain. This soul-crushing, mind-numbing pain that shackled me.

Silas found me that day crying on the floor...just like he did the day our mother died–which was why I understood the anger he harbored toward Noah.

He was once again left to pick up the pieces.

Chapter3

Sienna

Nothing was the same.

I recognized all the faces and heard all the familiar laughs. I knew almost everyone at this party by name. But it was as though I was standing in a dark room, watching the party from behind a glass window.

Even though I could see and hear everything, I had never felt more disconnected. Parties used to be my playground, the social scene, my kingdom. But I no longer fit. It felt like I had moved on, and everyone else had stayed behind. Or maybe everyone else moved on, and I was just the pathetic girl who couldn’t navigate through life without the man I had fallen in love with to define who I really was.

I stood against the wall, looking around. The sprawling Victorian mansion dripped with wealth. Crystal chandeliers hung from the ceiling, sparkling like diamonds. A kaleidoscope of rainbows casting a spectrum of colors over the party. The gold trimmings had a high shine under the delicate light, the large staircase splitting halfway into two different directions. I guess I would have been impressed if I wasn’t from around here, and used to people flashing their wealth with the most expensive material things.

“Hey.”

I looked up, straight into Andrew’s amber gaze, and shot him a weak smile. “Hey, yourself.”

“You’ve been a stranger on the social scene lately.”

I glanced down at my hands. “I’ve been a little busy.”

“Yeah, Spencer told me.”

I balked. “What did Spencer tell you?”

“Just that you’re busy.” He shrugged. “You know, dealing with things.”

“Oh my God.” I placed my hand on my forehead. “I can’t believe my brother told everyone.”

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