Not my finest moment, but I couldn’t shake the bitter disappointment coursing through me. The lingering sense of not being good enough.
It wasn’t Carrick’s fault, but he’d caught me at a bad time. A really fucking bad time.
The second the bell rang, I shoved my things in my bag and hauled ass out of there. Carrick called after me, but I flipped him off over my shoulder and filed out of the classroom, heading for the main entrance.
I needed to get out of here.
All afternoon, the conversation with Coach Ford and my mom had played on a loop in my head. Over and over until I had a gnawing pit in my stomach. It was a cruel fucking thing to want something so much and not be good enough.
Cole had a couple of offers on the table, and Ezra would get a scholarship if he wanted one. They possessed the natural talent I didn’t. And the kicker was, Cole didn’t even want to play football in college. He wanted to pursue a career in music.
I blew down the hall, with no real plan other than to get in my car and drive. I needed to think. I needed to clear my head and figure some stuff out. But the second I turned the corner and saw Poppy standing there I knew what I really needed.
Without a second thought, I walked over to her.
“A-Aaron.” She spotted me, her eyes wide with concern. “What’s wrong? What happened?”
“Can we talk?”
“I…” She scanned the hall and it cut me up inside that she was looking for him when once there had been a time she’d only ever searched for me in the crowd.
“Forget it, it doesn’t matter.” I went to move around her, but she grabbed my arm.
“Aaron, don’t be like that. Of course we can talk.”
Thank fuck.
Relief flowed through me and I nodded. “Can we go for a ride?”
“Yeah.” She smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Okay.”
“Ready to talk about it?” Poppy asked.
We’d gotten ice creams from Sprinkles before I’d driven us down to our spot down by the lake.
“Pittsburgh doesn’t want me.”
“Oh, Aaron, I’m sorry. I know how much you wanted to go there.”
I shrugged. “It’s no big deal.” The lie gnawed at my insides.
“Is that why we’re eating our body weight in ice cream sitting out here?” A knowing smile played on her lips.
Fuck, she was beautiful. All that long dark hair and thick dark lashes that framed her big green eyes. Everyone thought she was all her mom. But whenever she looked at me with that intense gaze of hers, I saw her father.
Something I’d spent years trying to ignore, only to remember twice as hard whenever my thoughts wandered into less than innocent places.
“Oh God, do I have sauce on my face or something?” She blushed, grabbing the sun visor and pulling it down to check the mirror.
“No, you’re perfect,” I said thickly.
Poppy glanced at me, frowning. “Aaron, I—”
“Can we not?” I blew out a weary sigh. “I know you’re with Hannigan now and that’s good. I mean, it’s good for you. I just miss you, Poppy. You’re one of my best friends and things have been…”
“Weird between us for a while.”
“Yeah.” My eyes slid to hers and I smiled weakly. “I was an asshole.”