Page 135 of Missed Notes (Rixon High 5)

“Wouldn’t you?” Bitter laughter spilled out of me.

“Oh, sweetheart.” She hugged me again. “Does it have to be a choice? Can’t he have both? Can’t he—”

“You don’t get it, Mom. How can I ask him to stand by my side knowing that I might…” I inhaled a sharp, stinging breath.

“Baby, don’t think like that. You’re going to fight this, Sofia.” She pulled away, cupping my face in her soft hands. “We’re going to fight this. I know it’s scary. I know there are a ton of unknowns right now, but you’ve got this, sweetheart.”

“I’m just so scared, Mom.”

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Life wasn’t supposed to throw me this curveball. Although this was more like an undetonated explosive that could go off at any moment.

“Once the egg retrieval procedure is out of the way, we can focus on the treatment,” she said. “I think that’ll help you feel more in control.”

“Maybe.” A tight smile fell over me.

“Your feelings are valid, Sofia. You’re going to feel angry, bitter, and hopeless, and that’s okay, sweetheart. But a positive mental attitude goes a long way in these kinds of situations.”

“I know, Mom.”

“You have so much to look forward to, baby.” She kissed my forehead. “I truly believe that.”

“I think I’m going to go lie down for a bit.”

Her brows furrowed. “We could veg out on the couch and watch movies?”

“Maybe later?”

“Sure, okay.” She watched me intently as I grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator. “Sofia?”

“Yeah?” I glanced back.

“I love you, sweetheart.”

“Love you too, Mom.”

I tried to hold it together as I made my way upstairs. But there was a storm raging inside me. Mom said my feelings were valid, but the dark vortex swelling in my chest felt all wrong. Like it might swallow me whole.

Kicking off my sneakers, I dug my cell phone out of my pocket and laid down. I had texts from the girls and one from Cole.

I opened his first.

Cole: You are braver than you believe. Stronger than you seem. Smarter than you think, and more loved than you know. Thank you for last night. I’ll never forget it. xo

My breath caughtat his words, the sentiment behind them. We hadn’t said the words yet—it was too soon for that. Besides, I didn’t want Cole to ever feel obligated to be with me if we crossed that line. But there had been a moment at the hotel, a split second when I thought he’d been about to say them.

Swiping away the tears in my eyes, I texted him back.

Me: How is it you always say the right thing at exactly the right moment?

Cole: Didn’t you know, it’s my superpower.

Honestly,I was beginning to think it was.

Before I could reply, another text came through.

Cole: How are you feeling?

Me: Okay. A little tired. I see a nap in my immediate future.

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