Page 33 of To Wake a Kingdom

I flattened my mouth. Did he miss nothing? How could he see me so clearly when I could barely weave through the mud of my thoughts? I exhaled a river of drawn-out air and allowed a trickle of truth to spread over cracked, parched earth.

“You remember the Faerie I told you about? Kianna’s counter spell is preventing Mare from taking me away.”He said nothing, waiting for me to continue.“She threatened to kill Kianna to release it and almost succeeded, but I made a bargain. If she let me try to break the curse, I’d then go with her willingly and she’d leave Kianna alone. If I don’t, she’ll kill Kianna and take me away.”

In recounting the details, I left out my rapidly dwindling timeline and that Mare had threatened to kill everyone else, too. I’d already said far too much. Even telling him this felt like I’d cut myself open and allowed him to rummage inside the meat of my exposed flesh.

“I’m not sure what to say,” he said, and I gave him a shocked look. “Hard to believe, I know.”

“I didn’t want to point it out.”

He smirked and then wrinkled his brow. “You have no idea how to break it?”

I shook my head. “None. I’ve read everything in the library and visited the bookshop in Tenby. The man there seemed sure questions like that can’t be answered with books. He sold me something, but most of it appears to be useless, and I don’t know where any of this leaves me.”

The cozy comfort of the evening ebbed away, leaving a chilled imprint in its wake. Those warm memories of Adrian I’d pumped to the surface dispersed into particles of nothing. The dinner we’d all shared evaporated as the faces of the people asleep in the castle calcified into a terrible dream. Their lives were in danger. My mother and father. My grandparents. My cousin Isabelle and her husband, Edward. Adrian.

We approached the castle, and I scanned the clawed tracks we’d seen earlier, following the line as it disappeared into the forest. The tingle I now associated with magic permeated my toes and fingers.

Ronan’s expression was so full of concern that it felt like my soul might fracture from the barest touch. Instead, I gave him a weary smile. “None of this is your problem. But thank you for listening.”

“I want to help you,” he said, stepping so close I had to look up to meet his eyes. His hand circled my biceps like he wanted to stop me from leaping off a cliff.

“Why? You’ve just met me. There’s no place for you in this mess. You should go home. This isn’t your chaos to clean up.”

Nothing wavered in his expression as he lifted his other hand, the back brushing along my jaw. The gentle touch was so at odds with the ferocious gleam in his eyes that it set every hair on my body to attention.

“Something brought me to this castle. That feeling I told you about has always been the precursor to something important. It’s never been wrong. Let me help you.”

“That would be nice if you could,” I said, meaning it with every fiber of my faltering soul. He felt so protective and safe. Like an impenetrable fortress of unyielding confidence. I allowed myself to fantasize about what it would be like to wrap myself in his arms and let him give me the ending I’d always wished for. Nothing was more appealing than the idea of someone taking this burden from me. But there was no one who had that power, and I was completely alone. “But there’s nothing you can do.”

As I turned to the castle, I weighed Ronan’s declaration, but something about it felt wrong. Not Ronan himself. I was sure he believed he’d arrived here for a greater purpose, but I wondered if he’d gotten the meaning of his intuition wrong. That he hadn’t been sent here to help me but had arrived for some other reason.He was looking for his father, and that father was buried so close, his presence hovered over my head, deadly and sharp as an axe. I could still feel his meaty fist gripped around my throat and the hot spill of his blood on my hands.

Eventually, I had to acknowledge the truth might come out, and I hated the idea of how Ronan might look at me then. It was probably better that way. This fantasy in my head was just that—it was nothing more than a dream.

Ihadto get him out of here.

Once inside, I headed directly to the throne room, laying out the navitas around my parents’ thrones. The book said their fragrance helped stave off drowsiness. I buried my nose in the small white flowers, inhaling their earthy scent.

As I stared at my parents, I already knew this was ridiculous. This would never work. It was a desperate hope masquerading as progress, intended to soothe my need to feel like I was doing something.

Nevertheless, I nestled the herbs in their laps, wrapping their hands around the stems. For good measure, I tucked more around their heads and into the collars of their clothing. And then I waited.

Nothing happened, of course. Not even a flicker. Implacable, their eyes remained closed, and hopelessness pried open my ribcage and dug its taloned claws into my chest.

It was then I dropped my face into my hands and sobbed so hard a piece of myself severed and floated away.

Chapter Fifteen

23 days left

Aftermyfailurewiththe navitas, I spent the night flipping throughCommon Magical Cures. The tiny black scratches blended together, ink coalescing into a giant black hole, trying to suck me in. This was so utterly futile, but a week had already passed, and Mare’s threats ticked so loudly they echoed through every corner of the castle.

Book pillowed under my head, I awoke to a darkening gray sky. Another snowstorm was brewing, the scent lingering on the tip of my tongue, crisp and sharp like fresh reams of paper. My sleep had been restless, filled with dreams of stolen kisses in a moonlit garden, fearsome creatures with enormous, clawed feet, and the haunting melody of unbreakable curses.

My late-night search hadn’t been in vain, though. Before I’d finally caved to sleep, I found a recipe for a tincture used to rouse people from unconsciousness and it was the most promising lead I’d uncovered so far. Or maybe I was simply grasping at brittle straws. I was getting very good at kidding myself.

Book tucked under my arm, I headed downstairs to the kitchen for breakfast. Everyone was already eating poached eggs and waffles while drinking hot cups of tea and coffee. Grabbing a piece of toast, I sat down and flipped open the book with a thud.

“Gideon, can you tell me if we have these ingredients in the kitchen?”

---