Page 70 of To Wake a Kingdom

“Try,” he said, and I swallowed the flicker of fury in his eyes.

I’d been a fool. I’d irrevocably destroyed something between us.“He woke me up.”

His brows knitted. “I don’t understand.”

With tattered breaths, I told him the story of waking up to the king leaning over me. About what he’d done to Kianna and every one of her sisters. About how he had chased me through the castle and my only choices had been to kill him or be killed myself.

As the words spilled around our feet, they thickened, rooting us in the quicksand of my lies as something in his expression shifted from anger to horror. When I was done speaking, I shook, tears tracing lines down my face.

“That can’t be—he wouldn’t. Hecouldn’t.”

“But he did. Why would I make that up?” I asked as I built my defenses. “Why would I have killed him? I didn’t know who he was. I know you don’t want to believe your father could do this, but you told me yourself what kind of man he was.”

An unsettling light burned in his evergreen eyes as if he were really seeing me for the very first time. Something fractured, his expression draining out, leaving only an empty burned plain of nothing.

With measured steps, I walked closer.“I’m not sorry I did it—he deserved it and much worse, but I’m sorry I lied. I should have told you. But I thought you’d arrest me or worse, and I had to stay here. I had to break the curse. I knew nothing would go in my favor if anyone found out. No matter what he had done, I killed a king. Then I got to know you, and the guilt ate away at me because I could see you aren’t like him at all. You are nothing like him, and I—” My voice cracked. A shuddering breath warped in my chest, and my eyes wouldn’t focus. I couldn’t look at Ronan. It hurt too much to witness his fury. “I couldn’t break your heart like that. It was selfish, and I was a coward, but I didn’t want this to end. Whatever this was. I didn’t want it to be over. I didn’t wantusto be over. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have lied to you.”

My soul laid bare, I dragged my gaze to meet his. When I saw only shadows and violence, the pieces of my heart severed and fell away.

I’d lost him. This betrayal had been too much.

“I trusted you,” he said with barely controlled rage. “I was falling for you. Last night—that meant more to me than anything ever has. I’ve never felt this way about anyone.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry. I will do anything to make this up to you, Ronan. It meant everything to me, too. Tell me what I can do. Anything. I’m falling too.” I reached for his hand, but he pulled away and I sensed him go somewhere deep inside himself, lost to me forever.

“No. I can’t do this. I need to get out of here.”

My answering nod was heavy and bruised. Before brushing past me, he gave me a prolonged look that crushed whatever dim light still dwelled inside me into cold, lifeless embers.

After he’d gone, I dropped to my knees and then to my hands, lying down in the snow, the bite of frost seeping into my clothing. My soul shattered, the shards scraped beneath my skin, scarring me forever.

I wondered if I would ever see him again, and then I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed until I couldn’t feel anything at all.

A gentle hand brushed the hair from my forehead, and I opened my eyes. Kianna leaned over me, concern in the angle of her shoulders.

“Ronan?”

“Gone,” she said. “They’re all gone.”

A dry sob sliced the back of my throat.“It’s over, Kianna. I’ve lost him forever.”

“You should come inside, Your Highness. It’s going to snow again.”

Some irretrievable part of me appreciated she wasn’t trying to tell me everything would be okay. She helped me off the ground. My clothing was damp, and my fingers were stiff with cold. Dimly, I registered the king’s decaying corpse as nausea swelled in my gut.

We needed to deal with that. But later.

“I’m sorry, Kianna.” My voice was a raw whisper, dragged thin from crying. “I’ve failed you, too. She’s coming back in only five days, and I don’t know how to stop her.”

“We’ll figure something out, Your Highness.”

“No, we won’t.”

“No, we won’t,” she agreed, and a weight fell away.

I couldn’t fix this, and I could finally stop trying.

Kianna’s lips were set in a stiff line as we made our way back to the castle. Falling on my bed in my dirty wet clothes, I buried my face in the pillow that still smelled like Ronan. Like dense forests and sun-warmed cloves.