Page 74 of To Wake a Kingdom

Then I heard his footsteps walk out of the room.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Gentlehandsguidedmeto the bathroom, where a hot bath awaited. My teeth chattered violently, my skin a mottled blue. Cold had seeped into every crevice. Kianna helped me from my clothes and into the bath. My fingers and toes were so numb, the water scalded them like I’d been dropped into liquid fire. The pain helped my mind focus while my surroundings continued to tilt and spin. After the burn subsided, I lay back, closing my eyes.

Over and over, I saw my mother’s curls soaked in her blood. My father’s severed head lying at her feet. The hole in Adrian’s chest. The slice across Isabelle’s throat. Images branded into my mind forever, playing on a loop until the world turned to nothing but cinders and dust. A constant reminder of how I couldn’t save any of them.

Footsteps clicked on the tiles, and someone crouched next to the tub. Ronan said my name quietly. My heart seized at the concern on his face when I opened my eyes.

He had come back. He loved me, and he was right—I hadn’t lost everything. Not completely.

Arms braced on the edge, he leaned against the tub. I wanted to tell him so many things, but the words stuck, trapped in an opaque orb of grief.

Ronan reached for a towel. “The water is getting cold. We need to get moving. You aren’t safe here.”

I felt nothing as he helped me dress. He, too, had changed into dry clothing. Kianna brushed and braided my hair. They both moved softly around me as if I were made of porcelain. But they needn’t have bothered. I had already shattered into a thousand dry, dusty pieces. No sudden movements would make any difference. Ronan helped me into my coat, pushing gloves onto my hands. The horses waited in the high castle entrance, but the snow was still falling. We wouldn’t stay warm or dry for long.

“I need to do something first,” I said, dropping Ronan’s hand and walking to the throne room. Blood coated the floor, and I stopped at the threshold. Though I didn’t want to go in, I needed to see them one last time.

As I looked across the space, I finally understood my parents had never truly been mine. That we had never been given the chance to belong to one another. Mare had poisoned our relationship, ensuring every day had been imperfect and complicated. Right then, any blame I still harbored for how they had treated me deflated and floated away. We had been set up to disappoint each other from the very beginning. I couldn’t hold on to it anymore.

They had been given a child and then, almost immediately, had it taken away. It would have been better if I’d died then, rather than haunting their lives for twenty-one more years. That couldn’t have been easy, either. None of this had been their fault any more than it had been mine.

“Goodbye,” I said to the dim room. “I forgive you, and I love you.” I didn’t know when I’d be back here. It felt wrong to leave them like this, but Mare would return soon. And they didn’t need my protection anymore. One day, I’d come back to give them the end they deserved.I hoped.

I joined Ronan and Kianna, and we stepped outside into the snow. He shut the door behind us, as if that would keep anyone out. It certainly hadn’t so far. But why would anyone ever want to go in? I’d spent my life haunting the halls and, now, they were filled with more ghosts than any one castle could possibly handle.

We mounted our horses and rode into the night. Before we ducked into the trees, I looked back. My castle sat forlorn and tired, a gray stain blotting the horizon. A monument to blood and death and tragedy.

“Let’s go,” I said, turning forward to yet another uncertain future.

Ronan claimed it was a two-week ride to Estria, traveling on the open road. We would risk it, hoping Mare hadn’t recovered yet. It would give us time to regroup. The only thing we could hope for now was the safety of Estria’s army and its walls.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Afteraweekoftraveling in a haze, we stopped for the night in a small city. It had been snowing off and on the entire time, and sleeping on the cold, hard ground had worn us all down. We needed a warm bed for a night.

Seated in the inn’s common room, Ronan placed a hearty stew of venison in front of me. I had hardly eaten for the last week and noticed the worried glances Kianna and Ronan shared. For no other reason than to ease their minds, I forced myself to swallow a few bites.

I was fine. I would be fine. Somehow.

“What are the chances she’s still alive?” Ronan asked Kianna.

Kianna sighed, though it wasn’t in irritation. He’d asked this many times already, but I understood why he had to keep questioning.

“I don’t know. I’m sorry Commander.”

“You have no idea?” he pressed.

“A sword to the heart would kill me, but Mare has always been special. Capable of more than the rest of us were.”

“Why?”

She shrugged. “We have many fathers. Fae are a fickle bunch until we find our mates. We take many lovers through our lifetimes. Our pedigree determines what powers we possess and how strong they are. Only our mother was the same. I’m still surprised my spell held out against Mare all these years, to be honest.”

“She’s not dead,” I said, and they both turned to me with surprise. As silent as a specter, I had said little this past week. Even I was surprised to hear the sound of my voice. “It can’t have been that easy. She’s not done with me.”

Kianna nodded. “I think so too. She’s never let go of anything.”

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