Page 87 of To Wake a Kingdom

“Oh, Em, and then what? Erick will kill Ronan if I don’t marry him. The only thing we can do is run, and what kind of life would that be?” We all fell silent for a few moments. “If I had been a regular child…” I said, quietly. “If Mare hadn’t shown up and cursed me, I would have been forced to marry a prince in line for a throne, anyway. This was always going to be my fate.” A tear tracked down my cheek. “I just didn’t count on falling in love with someone else first.”

“Erick is scum,” Noah said, fists clenched. He had more reason than most to despise his future king. “Hewon’tget away with this. He’s been torturing Ronan their entire lives, and why? Because their mother always loved Ronan more.”

“I suspected as much,” I said, remembering the jealousy I’d seen on Erick’s face at supper. “But he would never admit that.”

“No, he wouldn’t,” Noah agreed.

“It doesn’t matter why,” I said. “Just that he’s done it.”

Someone rapped on the door, and a guard told the others they had to leave.

Kianna gave me a big hug, her wide, dark eyes finding mine.“You are strong, Your Highness. Don’t forget that. I’ve never known anyone with as much courage as you.” She peeled away a lock of hair pasted to my forehead, tucking it behind my ear.

“Thank you. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

We hugged each other tightly before they forced her to leave.

As the door closed, I collapsed on the floor in an inconsolable puddle.

The days blurred into one as I did nothing but stare at the ceiling and think about my family and Mare. I wondered what had become of poor Esme, rejected for Erick’s petty revenge. Mostly, I thought of Ronan and the raw, cavernous hole in my heart.

My nightmares were blood-soaked walls and gaping wounds… My mother and father alive and screaming for me as Mare stood behind them, an evil, twisted grin on her face. Me and Isabelle playing as children, happy and secure, when her head flew from her body and blood gushed over me, covering my clothes and my hands and my hair. I dreamed of Adrian. He leaned in to kiss me in the garden when, suddenly, Mare reached into his chest through his back and ripped out his heart. I screamed and screamed and woke up in an ocean of sweat, panting and breathless.

Kianna visited regularly, but I barely registered her presence as she smoothed my hair from my forehead, murmuring words of comfort. Words that meant nothing and everything. She couldn’t fix this. No one could, but she was here, and it was more than I deserved.

The day of the wedding arrived, bells clanging across the city. Estria celebrated a royal union, none the wiser about what was happening within these walls. Their kingdom was prosperous and whole. They had lost a king, but a new one waited in the wings, and this marriage would help secure their futures. They were safe, and I was trapped.

Luella and her birds arrived to ready me for the ceremony. They had been quietly attending to me the past week, helping me change, keeping their voices low. Numb to my surroundings, I saw nothing as they bathed me and helped me into my wedding dress.

It was thick and itchy, covered in jewels and embroidery so heavy it felt like wearing a coffin. Someone had found my crown—the one my mother had made when there had been hope in her heart and promise in her womb. Kianna must have packed it when we’d fled Ravalyn. Another misplaced dream and unfulfilled wish to add to the midden heap of my life.

Kianna came in once I was ready, clasping my hands in hers.“You look beautiful, Your Highness.”

I offered her a small, sad smile. How I looked didn’t matter. I’d broken one curse only to be trapped by another, and Mare was still out there somewhere. But true love wouldn’t save me this time. Perhaps once this was over, Erick would leave me in peace to mourn my family and find some way to sew the pieces of myself back together. There would always be seams about to split at the slightest bit of pressure, but I had to learn to shoulder this patchwork of a life.

“Kianna, you should go home.”

Her forehead pleated. “What do you mean, Highness?”

“I am grateful for everything, but you don’t need to keep doing this. It isn’t your fight. Ravalyn was never your home, and I’m not your family. You don’t owe me this loyalty. You never did. All I’ve ever been is a burden.” The words were an offering, culled from my chest like a still-beating organ.I didn’t want to say them, but they had to be said. For twenty-one years, I had been an obligation. A chore. She had never been beholden to me.

She blinked so slowly, it was as if she’d been partially frozen.

“You’re right,” she said, and my spirit caved in on itself. “We aren’t family by blood, and I don’t have to be here, but if you think I’d leave you now—after everything we’ve been through—then perhaps I haven’t been clear enough. Perhaps I once viewed it that way. Perhaps duty kept me in that castle for as long as it did. But youaremy family now, Thorne. I’ve watched you grow up, and I am so proud of the woman you’ve become.”

Her words were hard to grasp, like trying to scoop up mist that slipped through my fingers. So I tried again, pushing her, wanting her to snap and admit the truth of my words.

“But I’ve done nothing but mess this up at every turn.”

“No,” she said, holding my hands tighter. “You have fought and fought for your family and for yourself. And for me. Don’t think I took your sacrifices lightly. You tried to save me, even when our relationship was different. And you will fight now. I know this feels like the end, but you will make the best of this. If there’s anything I’ve learned about you, it’s that you are strong enough to face anything. Remember when you promised you’d never give up? I’m asking that of you again.”

“Do you really mean it? That I’m your family?”

Her answering smile was kind, constructed of the fleeting bits of love left in my life.

“Of course, Thorne.”

“You too,” I said. “You’re my family. Thank you for not leaving me, too.”

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