She wrapped me in a hug. “Don’t cry—you’ll ruin your makeup.”
“I don’t give a fuck,” I said, and she laughed.
“Fair enough.”Letting go, she stepped back and gave me a nod that signaled the beginning and ending of everything. “Shall we?”
Vivian Goldraven waited outside to usher me into the chapel, her expression inscrutable. Acting as my escorts, Kianna and Vivian stood at my sides. Did Vivian approve of this union with Erick? Did she know what he’d done to Ronan?
My heart was broken, but I reminded myself of what I still had left. The people of Ravalyn. Those who remained loyal, despite everything, for one hundred uncertain years. It was for them I forced one foot in front of the other as the music swelled to a lilting crescendo. At least now, no one else would have to die defending me or my family. It wasn’t much, but it was something.
The chapel was enormous, hundreds of eyes falling on me as my footsteps padded softly on the thick rug running down the center aisle. Digging into the furthest caverns of my perseverance, I made myself look up to where Erick awaited.
My breath stopped, and I stumbled at the sight of Ronan standing to Erick’s left. Attired in his gold and black armor, an angry red slash stood out on his cheek. Our eyes met, and a scream bubbled in my throat. Erick had done this to punish him further, twisting the knife as deep as it would go, forcing Ronan to bear witness as he took me away with unequivocal finality.
Curious eyes watched me. I’d stopped walking, my breath shallow and my vision blurring. I couldn’t do this.
Kianna fastened her hand to my elbow.“Come, Thorne,” she whispered. “You must keep moving. For his sake.”
My eyes burned with a volley of flaming arrows, but I nodded, facing the front of the room. One foot trudging in front of the other, my eyes never left Ronan. Let them all wonder why I wasn’t looking at my husband-to-be. My heart split apart into a million jagged, rusty pieces.But there was nothing to be gained by torturing either of us like this, so I forced myself to look away.
Erick’s smile was generous as I stepped up to the altar, as if he’d done me a favor. While the officiant spoke, a dull roar filled my ears, drowning out all sensation. I repeated what I was told to repeat, my voice as flat and wooden as a chessboard. The only thing I registered was the moment we were declared married. I closed my eyes as something cold and dead rushed through me. It was done. Ronan had been wrong—we hadn’t found a way, and right now, I couldn’t bear to look at him.
Erick and I turned to the guests. They clapped and smiled, and I forced my chin up. Esme sat near the front, silver lining her eyes.
I’m sorry,I tried to tell her, wanting to drop to her feet and beg her forgiveness. I would give anything to trade places. What would happen to her? Would she be sent back home or married off to another nobleman in Estria? I was far from the only victim here.
Erick held out his hand high in front of me, and I had no choice but to place mine in it. We walked down the aisle—a king and his queen—my soul shredding to ribbons.
The celebration continued with dinner in the banquet hall, where Erick and I arrived before our thrones. My new throne. Erick’s cruelty continued unchecked—Ronan sat in the chair directly to my left. Stiff as cardboard, I sat down, not looking at him or at anything, my vision unfocused.
There were speeches and toasts. They placed food and wine before me, and I went through the motions of eating and drinking, but it was all dirt in my mouth. I remembered nothing from one moment to the next. This was both the most memorable and most forgettable day of my life.
As the evening wore on, the party grew louder—at least someone was enjoying themselves. Erick excused himself to confer with a group of men dressed in the silks and furs of noblemen.
Beside me, Ronan was as still as a statue. Neither of us had moved much this evening, trapped in the pause of our grief. I risked a small glimpse, and his eyes found mine instantly.
“I’m sorry,” he said, so quietly I wondered if I’d heard anything at all.
“This isn’t your fault,” I said.
“I shouldn’t have brought you here.”
“You had no choice, and you aren’t responsible for Erick’s actions.”
“You shouldn’t have gone through with it.” His large hands balled into fists against his thighs.
“And let him kill you? I’d rather die. I’d marry him a thousand times if it kept you safe, Ronan. At least you’re alive.”
“I am not alive without you. There is no purpose to any of this without you.”
“I know,” I whispered.
We were both staring forward, our mouths barely moving.
He placed a hand on both of mine, clasped in my lap. “I love you,” he said, with so much agony it snagged in his throat. “You are the air I breathe and the blood in my veins and the stars in my sky and—”
I squeezed his hand.“Don’t. This is pointless. It’s only going to hurt more. Forget me. Move on.”
“I can’t do that. I could never forget you.”