Page 29 of Reclaimed Dreams

“Plans change, dreams fade.”

Jo could hear the tired dejection in her voice but was unable to temper it.

Natalie plated the cookies, nodding at Daisy when she turned on the puppy dog eyes. “Daisy, why don’t you grab a snack and read in your room? Jo, can I offer you some tea or coffee? Water? Wine?”

“I’m tempted by the wine, but I’ll stick with tea. Story of my life.”

Natalie puttered with mugs and the kettle while Jo sat at the beautiful kitchen table she’d helped Sofia pick out. She was glad her daughter had been able to help Natalie out of a tight spot. Her apartment definitely showed touches of the new residents though. Toys and crayons lay on Fi’s coffee table, and there were little-girl socks scattered on the floor, but Sofia’s signature style still shone through. That girl had talent. God, please don’t let her waste it.

“I wanted to say thank you for letting Sofia rent me her apartment at your subsidized rate. I know how much this property is worth,” Natalie said from the stove.

“Nonsense. You’re doing us all a favor, keeping it occupied and paid for, and Fi can start saving for the wedding. Plus, the only reason you’re in this mess is because of my husband’s crazy scheme. We’re happy to help.”

Jo watched Natalie fuss with the tea and smiled at the nerves pouring off the girl.

“I’m sorry I don’t have china.”

“It’s just how I make mine at home,” Jo tried to reassure her.

“Do you take cream, sugar, lemon?”

“Just a little sugar, sweetheart. Relax.” Jo covered Nat’s hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze before she tipped a scant half teaspoon of sugar into her mug and neatly strained her teabag, before lifting her mug in a toast. “To mothers helping mothers.”

Jo watched the tears gather in the younger woman’s eyes and wondered why she’d had so little help. She wanted to give her a boost and looked for something positive to say…

“I know that parenting solo is hard. Hell, joint parenting is no picnic. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and my kids are grown. Now that they are, I envy your freedom.” Where had that thought come from? Now that she’d spoken it, she realized it was how she felt. Was her yearning for freedom now an outgrowth of her past?

“Freedom?” Natalie looked perplexed.

“I just think about how things might have been different if I had been the one to make all the decisions, to be the one in charge. I compromised on so many things that now I’m left wondering what I believe in anymore.”

She’d forgotten what making decisions on her own felt like. What would have happened if she’d found her voice earlier?

“This isn’t the ideal.” The doubt over her sanity showed clearly on Natalie’s face.

Jo could imagine that the responsibilities as a single mom were overwhelming. But she couldn’t shake this thought. “I don’t know. I wonder if we had done something different, would Gabe still be here? I don’t regret raising my kids with Dom, but now that we don’t have them holding us together, I think about freedom a lot.”

Jo’s hands gripped her mug tightly, as if that could hold her life together too.

Natalie covered one hand with hers, offering connection and understanding. “You two have raised some pretty amazing kids who are smart and independent. I’m sure Gabe was too. Are you really thinking about leaving Dom? You’ve invested a lot of years together. Would you really just walk away?”

“If he doesn’t want to spend time with me, why should I stay?”

Jo stopped speaking, momentarily lost in memory.

“When I met Dom in college, I fell hard. So tall and strong. So handsome. I was putty in his hands. When the kids came along, I molded myself into the mother they needed me to be, and then the office manager Tony and Dom needed to succeed. That man is allergic to paperwork.” She let out a watery chuckle and took a sip of her tea, fighting for control. “After all that bending and stretching to fit the needs of others, I’m ready to find my own shape again. I want to enjoy this next phase of our lives, but he won’t let go of the past so we can stretch into the future together. I’m thinking I might have to reach for it by myself.”

Jo exhaled a shaky breath as she released that heavy thought into the world.

“What would your next phase be? What’s that new dream?”

“We were supposed to pick up new hobbies, spend time together, play with our grandchildren and finally relax. I’ve been waiting for years, letting Dom set the pace, but when we lost Gabe something changed. I’m not willing to sit back and let life pass me by. I don’t know if I can make myself follow his lead anymore.”

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting something more or different for yourself. That’s why I do my makeup tutorials. But have you thought about what you’d be giving up?”

“Some days it just feels like it would be easier to walk away and start fresh than keep digging at the pile of shit between us.”

“I thought digging in shit was Enzo’s job,” Natalie teased.

---