Page 81 of Reclaimed Dreams

Chapter25

1 year ago

Jo woke up melancholy the morning of the double wedding. The conversation she and Dom had the day before with the couples therapist weighed heavy on her heart.

“I just wish Gabe had gotten to have all of this too. I get so sad and angry that he didn’t get to find love or have kids or even just see his siblings’ big day,” Dom had said through tears.

“That is a normal reaction. Even this many years past the grief event, major life milestones can retrigger the feelings of loss,” their counselor had said as she passed a box of tissues.

“My normal response would be to take control of the situation so I can keep others from feeling this way too.”

Jo had cleared her throat and given him the look.

“But I realize it is also a way to control my own anxiety. As I’ve been reminded, acting impulsively and taking control isn’t the best way to handle my emotions. So do you have any suggestions?”

“Before I answer that, let me ask Jo, how are you feeling about the weddings?”

“I am sad too. I wish Gabe could have been here to see his brother and sisters falling in love. There is a piece of our family missing and on days like today, it stands out.” Jo hugged her arms around herself as if it would help hold her together while she lanced this wound.

“I wish to God he hadn’t gone. I wish I’d fought harder,” Dom said.

“You didn’t fight at all. ‘He’s a grown man, Jo. He’s made up his mind.’ You all but gave him our blessing.”

“Only because I’d done my best to change his mind the day before and failed. I did fail you, Jo, and him when I didn’t win that argument. And now he’s dead. But I never wanted him to go.”

“You talked to him? And you didn’t tell me?” Jo stared incredulously at Dom. He hadn’t thought to tell her?

Dom met and held her gaze, remorse thick between his brows. “I needed him to tell you himself. I hoped you’d be able to turn him where I couldn’t.”

“I…I wish I’d known. I’ve been angry at you over that for years.”

“I know. I deserved it.” Dom dropped his head into his hands, and Jo ran a hand gently through his hair.

“No, you didn’t. We all did the best we could. Is this…is this why it’s so important to you to win arguments now?”

Dom shrugged, but she could see realization sinking in as he sat up straighter and his shoulders dropped. The therapist stepped into the conversational gap as they both fell silent.

“Thank you both for sharing these difficult emotions. I want to affirm that these are very common and reasonable reactions, especially around major life events. If I might make a suggestion?”

Jo and Dom had nodded together, hands entwined.

“Find a way to honor him tomorrow, to bring his memory into the family day. Maybe it’s lighting a candle. Maybe it’s asking the photographer to take a special picture. Let’s take a minute to think about what that could be. And if you end up in a spiral, remember to breathe and ground yourself in the moment.”

After so many years of coexisting and raising their family, each focusing on their areas of expertise, communication had stagnated around the mundane. Having the therapist there to help facilitate the process made actually talking about important things with her husband much easier. When she dropped into a defensive attitude instead of hearing the intent, the therapist called her on it. When Dom blustered and brushed off her concerns, the therapist stopped him and made space for Jo to explain and be validated.

And having a professional to guide them through the pockets of grief that continued to arise was a blessing.

Jo rose and began to get ready for the big day, confident that they could handle anything that came their way.

Three hours later, in the women’s dressing room, Jo wasn’t as confident. Hair and makeup was taking way longer than anticipated, the photographer’s assistant had gotten lost on the way to the vineyard, and Dom was beside himself with nerves.

Sofia tried to help him fix the bow tie he’d mangled. “Daddy, knock it off.”

“I can’t help it. Damn thing is trying to kill me,” Dom grumbled.

Jo stepped up behind him and pulled him in for a quick squeeze. She could feel the tension he was holding in, trying to make everything perfect for Sofia and Enzo and their partners today, while also grieving Gabe. “No, it isn’t. It’s making you look handsome.”

Turning him so she could hold eye contact and his hand, Jo hauled in a deep breath for him to mimic. She pulled out the therapist’s advice and prompted him softly.

---