Page 40 of The Penalty Shot (Totally Pucked 5)

Every. Single. Time.

It makes me feel safe. Wanted. Worthy.

I’ve only been at work for a few hours, another night shift since Alex asked to have “guys’ night” with Asher, and I’m already ready to go home.

“If you glance at your phone one more time with that lovesick look, I’m going to jump off the highest building I can find,” MJ complains, tossing the bottle of vodka she was pouring onto the counter with force. “I am so single that it hurts, Aud.”

“Uh, I am definitely still single, for the foreseeable future.”

Her eyes roll. “Only one of us is getting railed by a hot-ass hockey player, and it ain’t me.”

True.

Except, we’ve never had sex. The furthest thing we’ve done is him…pleasuring me. And we’re in no rush to take things further. If anything, Asher is taking his time learning my body, acquainting himself with every inch. Last night, he snuck into the bathroom while I was taking a much-needed bubble bath and climbed in right behind me. It was the first time he was ever fully naked in front of me, and it stole the breath from my lungs. Every inch of him hard, muscular perfection. His dedication to his career and his body was evident.

His soapy, wet fingers ran circles over my body, but he didn't press for more. It felt entirely too good, too intimate that I felt tears prick behind my eyes. We sat in the water, whispering about our day, until it went cold, and then he washed my hair, massaging my scalp until I was falling asleep in his arms.

I’ve never felt this intimacy with anyone, and I just don't know what to think of it. It terrifies me but makes me feel euphoric at the same time. A part of me is afraid to breach this territory with Asher but an even bigger part of me wantsmore.

“I’m regretting even telling you that we are ‘roommates with benefits,’” I tell her, tossing a lemon at her.

Tonight’s amateur night, and it’s one of my busiest nights on shift, so it’s exhausting. The bar never seems to stop, and then we’re also working overtime to make drinks for tables too.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about my future, now more than ever. Ever since the conversation with Mama, I’ve been thinking about what it holds for me.

Would I really work at the club forever? Could I work here forever? Do I even want to?

I’ve been so focused on surviving and supporting Alex since I had him, that I never really stopped to consider that there could be more out there for me. It’s always been about working as many hours as I could, and keeping my head on straight, so I could raise my child by myself.

“If you weren’t working here, what would you be doing?” I ask MJ.

She pauses for a moment and mulls over my question. “I want to own a funeral home. I know it sounds morbid, but I think that giving people the last look at their loved one is special, and a moment that they wouldn’t forget. My aunt runs a mortuary in New Orleans, and when I was little, I would go down there and watch her embalm people.”

The thought alone makes my stomach queasy and for her to watch it at such a young age?

Holy crap.

“I think that’s an honorable job that a lot of people don’t even think about until they’re in the situation. I honestly probably wouldn’t have even thought about it until you said it.”

She nods, brushing her pink hair from her face. “I know, and I think that’s part of the reason it’s important because, when it comes time for something like that and there’s no one there to do the job, what would we do?”

“You’re right. Plus, you’re incredible with makeup.”

She truly is. I’m not much of a makeup girl myself, mostly from lack of knowing how to properly put it on. Most of the time, I only wear mascara, a hint of blush and a small swipe of cherry-flavored lip gloss.

Which Asher has a literal obsession with, so I guess that’s a good thing?

MJ, on the other hand, is a true artist when it comes to makeup. She’s always got her face done, and I’m so envious. She’s offered to help me a few times, but I just don’t know if I’m the kind of girl to wear a full face like that.

“Yeah, but I need these tips too much. I’m trying to pay off some things, then I might consider it an option.”

“I understand. When I think of trying to find another job, my anxiety climbs through the roof. I’ve been at the club since I was eighteen. They took me in when I had no one else. Not even my own parents.”

MJ smiles sadly, pulling me into her arms for a hug. After a few moments, she pulls back and looks at me. “What would you do? If you could do anything and money wasn’t an issue?”

Her question gives me pause, even though I’ve been thinking about it for the last few weeks, saying it aloud makes it more real.

When I was younger, I wanted to be a lawyer, but now as an adult, it doesn’t appeal to me. Whatsoever. I guess I wanted to follow in my father’s footsteps somehow, so law was the answer. Or political science.

---