Page 79 of The Penalty Shot (Totally Pucked 5)

The question that I’ve been reciting in my head over and over sits on the tip of my tongue, but the waiter interrupts before I can speak, a gin martini complete with two large olives in tow. It’s barely lunchtime, but I keep my lips tightly shut, and smile at the man as he scampers back to wherever he came from.

“Do you love me?” I hurriedly ask before I lose my courage.

My question seems to irritate her because she lets out an exaggerated huff. Her shaky fingers swirl the olive pick around in her drink, her eyes cast down on her cocktail.

“Really, Auden? After ignoring me for weeks, that’s what you have to say? Do you realize how busy my schedule is and how much I currently have on my plate? What a foolish question. I feel like the only thing you think about is yourself. A lovely trait you’ve obviously gotten from your father.”She eyes me coldly.

My jaw hangs open at her response. I wasn’t sure what I expected when I asked her that. I’d hoped for at least some affirmation, even if it was in her trademark patronizing tone, but this is even worse than I imagined.

She didn’t even care to answer my question.

“I’m going to ignore everything else that you said, Mama. I asked you, do you even love me?”

She sighs. “Of course, I…I love you, Auden. You are my daughter.”

I nod. “Why do you keep texting and calling me? What do you really want?”

Her eyes shift as she looks around the room, then she takes a hefty sip of her martini. Her Chanel earrings sparkle in the low light above us, her manicure a perfect blood red.I’m suddenly struck by how different we truly are.

I don’t know her at all. She’s my mother, and I love her, despite all of her wrong doings and ways she has hurt me over the course of my life, but I don't even know who she is outside of this facade. Not when I was a little girl, and certainly not now after the eight long years I’ve been away from her.

“When we spoke at your apartment, your father and I told you that we needed to do an interview with you and Alex by our side. Someone has been snooping around. A reporter. Probably an opponent’s ally, trying to dig up dirt to hinder your father’s campaign. Your father hired a PI, who found you in less than twenty-four hours, Auden. It wouldn't be hard for the media to find you if they truly wanted to, and they may have already. Instead of allowing that to happen, we want to do a tell-all family focused interview with a big broadcast, to not cast light on our family in a negative way and to control the narrative.”

I can’t help it. I laugh. “So, after everything you’ve said to me, you want me to play the dutiful daughter with the perfect family? To pretend like nothing has happened?”

Her eyes roll again, exasperatedly, as she takes another sip, then leans back slightly in her plush high-back chair. “No need for the theatrics, Auden. You act like we’re asking something incredibly great of you. We only need a few hours of your time, so that we can guarantee your father’s campaign. Some scripted interviews, so this little family issue doesn’t hurt us.”

“You kicked me out when I was sixteen years old. Did you forget that?” My hands are shaking with adrenaline as I speak, my chest heaving as I try to suck in a steady breath. “With my newborn child. Onto the streets, with barely enough money for a bus ticket.”

“Your version of events greatly differs from what actually happened, Auden. I know you’ve seemed to have forgotten over the years. You’ve never been very reliable.”

I can feel the sting of tears in my eyes as I struggle to keep my composure. I can’t believe she could sit here and say these things to me. To erase all my pain with her condescension and frostiness.

“How dare you!” I spit, louder than I intended, but the emotions inside me seem to bubble out all at once, my voice hitching even higher. “Howdare yousit here and say that I don’trememberthe way you abandoned me and my child. You abandoned yourownchild because you were ashamed of me.”

“Aud-” she starts, but I hold my hand up, stopping her. I’m shaking so badly that I can hardly speak.

I’m so angry, so hurt. Frustrated tears gather in the corner of my eyes.I’ve never felt so furious in all my life. And I’ve been silent for so long, TOO long. Some of it by my choice, because I was hanging onto the fact that these people are my parents, my flesh and blood. They are supposed to love me. Part of me always held onto hope that, somehow, the relationship was salvageable, that they would somehow change. That's my downfall, believing in someone who never gave me a reason to, but now I see that my parents will never change. I was a fool to hope that they would.

“You don’t get to sit here and manipulate me any longer. Manipulate me into believing that I was dirty and wrong and disgusting for having and keeping my child. You will not make me feel less than the incredible mother that I am. You will not refer to my child as a mistake ever again. You do not get to justify your shitty actions by saying that I have forgotten what I went through. You weren’t there when I gave birth to my son, you weren’t there when I rocked him every night when he had colic, you weren’t there to teach me how to be a good mother. I taught myself those things. I taught myself how to care for a baby, all alone.” My voice breaks as I think about those nights when I was utterly on my own with my son. The nights where I didn’t think I was strong enough to continue. To do it by myself. Dampness hits my cheeks, and only then do I realize my tears have sprung free.

“I-I…I am done. I have let you manipulate me and even control me from afar with your skewed opinion and cruel words…and I AM DONE. I hope one day you can look back and see the mistakes that you made. I hope you realize what a special, kind, intelligent grandson you missed out on knowing. I hope that you realize that instead of being ashamed of your daughter, you should be proud. I am strong, resilient, and independent. And I love my child with all of my heart, unlike you. I have sacrificed for my son, and I have always and will always put him first. This is your mistake, one that you will have to live with. I will walk away with a clear conscience, knowing that I gave you more than you deserved, when you’ve given me nothing but pain.” I swallow the lump in my throat and dash away my tears.

As I stand to leave, the chair scrapes against the floor loudly, but I don’t care about the attention we’re getting. I’m standing up for myself. For Alex. I’m done internalizing their vitriol about my decisions, letting them make me doubt myself. I’m done letting them walk all over me like I’m not theirdaughter, their flesh and blood.

I’m done giving them power over me. They’ve never deserved it. Not then, and not now.

Glancing around the restaurant, I lower my voice. “You get to live with your choices, Mama. After this moment, do not contact me again. Do not text me, do not call me, do not show up at my house unannounced. I mean it, I’m done. You and Daddy can figure out a way to spin your news story, but I will not hide in the dark any longer, and I will not live under the ruse of our past that you want to create. I am a proud single mother, and I’m proud of everything I sacrificed to get here.”

“You are making a mistake,” she seethes. She’s angry because, for once, I’ve stood up for myself, and that’s just too damn bad. I’ve stayed silent long enough. Giving them my love when they didn’t deserve it.

I shrug, snatching my purse up from the back of my chair. “The only mistake I made was allowing you to hurt me time and time again. I should’ve realized sooner that I’m simply a pawn in a game I want no part of. Goodbye, Mother.”

I don’t allow her to speak, instead I turn on my heel and leave her where she sits. She doesn’t speak, or if she tires, it’s drowned out by the click of my heels as I leave her behind. I don’t want to listen to anything either of them have to say ever again. I focus on my feet carrying me to the front door. I don’t stop until I meet the sidewalk, and I suck in a gulp of air, finally able to take a full breath, without pain resonating in my chest. Tears pour down my cheeks, and I desperately swipe them away, trying to gain my composure as years of emotional trauma pour out of me.

I am done wasting tears on them. They don’t deserve them, and these will be the last I shed for them.

Before I can turn to walk to the metro, I see a familiar set of jean-clad thighs walking toward me, and I immediately take off running. The moment I collide with Asher and his arms tighten around me, sobs break free from my chest, soaking his shirt. He simply holds me. Within his arms, I feel safe again. Loved. Smoothing his hands over my hair, he peppers my face with gentle kisses before he all but carries me toward his truck, picking me up and putting me inside with a kiss to my nose.

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