Page 160 of Pawn's in the Bishop's Game (Checkmate 1)

Laine snaps her belt into place, and pulling her jean clad legs up to her chest, she curls into the seat and compacts her body in the way I wish I could. Her long blonde hair, the same as mine, hangs limp and dirty…the same as mine.Pale cheeks. Freckles. We look like a couple Barbies that forgot to shower for a week.

Driving past the sign that welcomes newcomers to town, I turn the radio up and press a hand to my heart when Calum Scott sings of grief and hopelessness.

Laine and I are a couple shipwreck survivors washed upon a tiny island while the storm continues to surge around us. The world continues to spin, but the twins are drowning. My breath hitches – I need Kane to hold me tonight. But he can’t. So instead, I reach out and take Laine’s hand and bring it to my heart.

“I love you, Baby.”

Releasing the poison that swirls in her heart, she howls in my passenger seat and buries her face against the door.

“Wanna talk about it?”

She shakes her head.

I nod mine. “Okay. Me neither.”

* * *

I pullinto Paddy’s truck stop and stop the car in the same spot Kane parked in only a couple weeks ago. The twenty-five-minute drive was enough to allow Laine to cry it out – whateveritis. But not enough time to look presentable again.

Twins; messy hair, messy clothes, puffy eyes, and broken hearts, we link hands and head into the empty diner. I don’t know why I came here. I don’t know why I revisit the place we came for breakfast. I had a similar hole in my heart the last time I was here, too. But Kane was there, and he was filling it for me. With his crude jokes and blatant flirting with the buxom Dolly, he made me smile in a moment I wasn’t sure I’d ever smile again.

He spoke to Jay on the phone that day.

His brother.

I didn’t know it was his real brother. I didn’t know anything.

He laughed at me. Jay laughed at my expense, but it didn’t make me mad. It added another tiny little puzzle piece to the picture that was Kane Bishop.

I thought that phone call was one criminal to another.

But it was one good man to another. To his brother.

I was so close to the truth, and yet, so far away, I wasn’t even in the same universe.

“Oh my word, there are two of you! What the bejeebus?” Dolly moves around the long counter, her hips swaying while she dries her hands on her apron. “Two of you!” She stops in front of us. “Which one of you is mine, and why are you both sad?”

Laine attempts to step back from Dolly’s loud words, but I refuse to release her hand. It’s enough. Enough of a sign for Dolly to know who’s who.

“You.” Her bright green eyes meet mine. “You’re the one I know. Brave and strong.” She rubs a gentle hand along my arm when I tuck Kane’s file close to my body. “Why are you sad, baby? What happened?”

I clamp my lips shut and blink furiously to keep my tears locked down. “I’m Jess.” My breath hitches. “This is my sister, Laine. We were wondering if we could get a couple milkshakes?”

“Yes. Of course.” Taking a fast hint, she ushers us to a booth, leaving me both heartbroken and relieved that she doesn’t sit us at the counter. I want to sit in Kane’s seat. I want to be wherever he’s been, sit where he’s sat, try to feel something.Anything. But I’m not ready to feel so exposed. Not ready to break down so publicly. “Of course, sweetheart. Chocolate?”

I nod and push Laine into the red and white booth first. I’m the oldest. The protector. “Yes please. Chocolate. And lots of ice cream so it’s really cold.”

She tucks loose strands of hair behind my ear the way my mom did a million times over the years. “Sure thing, baby girl. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

I set my bag on the floor and hold Kane’s file on my lap. Bringing my legs up onto the vinyl bench, I hug my knees and rest my face in the hollow. Laine mirrors my position and leans into me so our heads touch. “I’m sorry you’re hurting, Baby.”

She links her fingers with mine. “Me too, Jessie. Do you think it’s worse because we’re both sad at the same time? Usually we balance each other out; the non-sad one would take a little of the burden, so then it’s two hearts with half the hurt each.” Her chest heaves. “Do you think it’s just bad timing?”

Tears dribble along my nose and tickle the tip. “Nope. I think it would hurt this much no matter what.”

A couple minutes later, Dolly comes back with arms laden with plates. Pancakes with smiley faces made of berries. Eggs. Bacon. Icy cold milkshakes. “You need to put meat on your bones, girls. Can’t outrun the bears if you’re weak from hunger.”

I bury my face in my knees and picture his dark eyes. His strong hands. If he was here, he’d tell me to put the meat in my mouth. He’d make me laugh, then he’d make me pant for him.

Dolly slides into the booth across from us and pulls our joined hands into hers. “What happened?”

“He’s…” I draw in a long breath and hold it until my brain wants to explode. Tears slide freely along my cheeks. My hands shake, but Dolly takes some of our grief, she holds on and keeps us steady. “He’s gone.”

Her face pales. “Gone where, baby?”

“He…” I haven’t said the words once. Not one single time. I haven’t owned it. Because once I do, there are no take backs. No re-dos. There’s nothing but a lifetime of blackness and a deep hole dug out of my heart. “He…” Why must we hurt physically, when it’s just an emotion? Why must it feel like we’re being crushed in a clamp with no chance of escape? “He died.” I swipe my tears away and focus on her eyes. “He wasn’t unemployed. He didn’t need a job like I said he did. He was a cop. And he died because he saved my life.”

“Oh, baby.” Moving around the booth faster than you’d think her large frame could manage, she scoots me further in until the three of us crush together.

She pulls my face to her chest and allows me freedom to join Laine and cry the poison out.

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