Page 61 of Castling the Rook (Checkmate 3)

Almost.

“No!” Sliding past my hold, he stops over the sink and sobs. “It was just coffee, Riley. It was just coffee!”

“I’m sorry.” Stepping in, I try to pry his fingers away from the lip of the sink. “I’m sorry, Jay. Come on.” But he won’t leave. He stares at the shredded bag and weeps. “Come on. Come back to the couch and I’ll get you something to drink.”

“It’s just so hard,” he weeps. This six and a half feet of street fighter muscle and ink from his toes to his ears weeps against my body. Shaking, his tear-filled eyes meet mine. “It’s so hard, Cruz. I just need a little bit. Just something to help. I’ve been good, but I just need something, because I’m never hungry, then I can’t eat enough. I’m never tired, then I can’t wake up.” His hand squeezes my shoulder until it hurts. “I just need something to help.”

“I’m so sorry, Jay. I know it’s hard.”

“You don’t know!” he screams. “You have no fucking clue.”

Prying my body from his grasp, I reach into the cabinet above my fridge and pull out a packet of gummy worms. “Come sit down. We’ll get through this together, I promise. Sugar will give you a little boost, but I’ll wait it out with you. We’re gonna get through this, then tomorrow, we’ll look at something better. Somewhere where they can properly help you.”

“I won’t leave my brother.” Sparkling black eyes, full of rage, lock onto mine. “I won’t fucking go.”

“Alright, tomorrow, you and your brother go together. He needs to know you’re hurting. He doesn’t know, so he can’t help. But tomorrow, we fill him in, then we get you taken off the case. Fuck Abel, fuck the case; you need to take care of you. They’ll send knew UC’s in and they’ll finish the job.”

“Do you think we’ll get in trouble?” His voice trembles as though he were a little boy. “Do you think Cap will get mad?”

“Cap’s concern is officer safety. The rest is secondary. He’ll pull you and Kane, he’ll get you into a clinic somewhere, then he’ll send someone else in.” I know the reality isn’t nearly that simple, but it’s all I can do to comfort the man who looks at me like he were a child. He’s a killing machine, a fighter, a trained sniper among a million other credentials, he’s done and seen terrible shit, but now it’s like he’s a kid again, and my heart breaks for the scared boy hanging out for a hit.

Pushing him back to the couch and passing the bag of gummies, I sit down beside him so we touch from knee to shoulder, and I prepare for a long night where my priorities have been straightened out.

Fuck knows how much coffee he ate. Now we’re adding sugar, which means he won’t sleep for a while. But when hedoescrash, he’ll crash hard, and that’ll buy us another six hours until I can get him into a rehab clinic a thousand miles away from here and Abel-fucking-Hayes.

Fights with Andi about a relationship that isn’t a relationship are pushed to the back of my brain. She can do her thing over there, I’ll do mine here. When she visits, we’ll fuck. When she’s gone, I’ll live my life and try not to weep for a girl I might’ve fallen in love with over a game of Bananagrams and wine.

I shouldn’t get mad at her because she doesn’t want to tie herself to a guy she only gets to see every few months. And to assume she would, to let my feelings get involved was dumb. She’s a beautiful woman who enjoys being the life of the party. To expect otherwise was dumb… and selfish.

“Take it easy, Jay. I’m gonna stay with you, I promise.”

“Can I still visit with your mom tomorrow?”

“Yup. I’ll take you over there, and we’ll walk through the front door.”

He gives a watery snicker and buries his fist in the bag of candy. “I think she liked the thug coming through her window. It turned her on.”

“I’ll kill you, Bishop. I need you to get better, then come at me with your bullshit. I’ll put a bullet in your brain.”

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